Ten Ways to Screw With Your Player's Heads

Some DMs are happy just playing the game. Some others, like myself, are sadistic and like to deliver mindfucks and keep players on the edge of their seats. There are ten basic moves that come in handy when you want this effect - and they're all very easy to deliver. Beware, though: use them wisely. Your players may come to recognize these signs and know what they mean. Also, ideally, every threat should be backed up with real danger, so when it's not, they'll be on their toes just the same.

#10 - The Near-Hit
When you begin Near-Hit agenda, you must keep in mind that it will affect your campaign in ways you may not want. What you will do, basically, is start taking down people around yet increasingly close to your players. It may be a series of coincidences, an all-out persecution, it depends on what's more convenient to you. Start with someone they do not know, and move on closer and closer until their next door neighbors, the party who sat next to them on the tavern last night, or the man they bumped into an hour ago. Make them feel like they are being gotten to, or that they're suffering from a series of near-hits. It may be campaign-related, it may be a serial killer on the loose, but keep things orbiting close enough that they feel they may be next.

The core of the Near-Hit is having your players feel they may be killed next. Even if it's something completely unrelated, if it's happening around them, or to people they have met before, it will work.

#09 - The Casual Warning
This is an easy to use move that will keep your players attentive for sessions after you've used it. In order to make it work all you need is a player loyal to the cause (meaning, someone who is really very hyped about the campaign) and fifteen minutes of casual chat. Like when you meet him on a bus, or for an event or night out, or even over the MSN. If you call them on purpose just to say this, it won't work.

First, make sure you speak to one player alone. It works best that way. Pick your most loyal, or the one you're sure will share the information with the rest of the party. Start chatting about life, hobbies, whatever it is you chat about. If the player doesn't bring the campaign up, do it, smoothly. Talk about last session's events, some difficult fight, an interesting dialog, a player's attitude you liked or disliked. Anything, so as long as it's discreet and your subject is the campaign.

Once you've set the stage and you're on the subject, it's time to deliver the screwing. From whatever issue you started with, swap to your warning. For instance, if you started with a combat, make if a combat warning: "You know, you got out of that one easily. If you try the same stunt with the guy I was rolling yesterday, you're gonna be all dead before the fourth round." An interesting dialog would go something like this: "It'll be interesting, seeing if you use the same skills in the near future - they can save your life, depending on the situation." Be vague enough, but specify it's going to be soon. You'll know the move hit if the player presses you for details or keeps on the subject. You may want to disclose some more details or not. A strange detail is always worth your time: "Look out for red glyphs and you'll see what I mean". Then have several people use red runes on their clothing and body and several places have red decorations, and several fiends have red seals on their body. Or a red glyph not showing up at all for a good, long while. Depending on how you plan to deliver the pain, plan to deliver the mindfuck. As long as you're casual and discreet about it, it will be delivered.

#08 - The Late but Present
As a DM, you have a duty to provide your characters with truthful information in-game. You can't just ask for a Fortitude roll and fail to tell your player his character is poisoned, simply letting him die. It says nowhere, however, that you must inform them immediately.

Let me give you a "for instance": ask a Fortitude roll to resist poison, and don't tell them how it came out. They will know the same way anyone else would: when the effects start manifesting. See, movies lie: poison doesn't usually act immediately. Check you poison tables: most poisons in D&D take a while to act, or have an immediate effect and a later effect. Use this to your advantage: if the character doesn't know he's poisoned, there's no reason why the player should. Start delivering symptoms, they'll check it out. You are required to deliver truthful information. You aren't required to deliver it immediately. For all players care, it can be an NPC who notices the illness just in time... in time for you to send the rest of the party on a quest for antidote, for instance. This is why it's useful not to plan your campaign all at once: sometimes, there is room for an extra sidequest.

Similar ways to deliver the Late but Present include some kinds of trap. You can fill a room with gas easily, players will only feel the smell by the time it's strong enough to ask for Fortitude rolls. If a corridor heats up gradually, players won't feel it immediately, especially if some of them are clad in specific ways. You can start by saying that the temperature is warmer, then say it's getting even warmer, and keep on with it until the time comes for you to say that it's too hot to bear and they're getting damage from it. Simple, effective and legal.

#07 - The Intermission
This is one of the moves to be used in session. Several hours of gaming may leave your players and yourself exhausted. You should do a small break every once in a while. How you do these breaks - or intermissions - can contribute to how the players feel once they sit down again to game. First of all, take the chance to make a cliffhanger. Ask for rolls, then announce a break. Have a door open, and call an intermission. A silhouette appears, and it's time for everyone to hit the can. Have something that will make players want to keep on playing once the intermission is over.

But the true skill is in how you call the intermission. It's nothing big, just a small threat carefully hidden in the players' need to visit the bathroom or fetch more snacks. So, do your cliffhanger, and call an intermission in such a way that implies the next part will be filled with hurt, despair and fright. I'll give you an example. Cliffhanger, and "Well, guys, let's do a little recess because I don't want anyone having to get up for bathroom breaks on the next part". Or, "Well the next part will be a little big complicated, so if you have something to do now, we'll do a little break". Of course, you can always be direct: "So next up we have something ugly coming towards you in full speed, so take the time to freshen up on your drinks."

The Intermission is an art. There are many ways of doing it, and if you master it, it can be used virtually anytime. You can be vague, but also awfully precise: if next up you're going to send them a beholder, say something like "Something will be floating your way soon, so keep an eye out while we do a recess". Is there an arrow-shooting trap up next? "Let's dodge and run the next part for the time being and find something to eat". Give little hints about what's coming up. Your players will be guessing and you'll have fun! And, once again: it can be used at virtually anytime.

#06 - The Theme Song
The Theme Song only works if you have some extra CDs lying around or an MP3 player and you're playing at the house of someone who owns a radio or sound system. It takes some work, but it's very worth it. As well you know, a DM needs to present his players with a visual aid from time to time. Some monsters are just too hard to describe, or some maps are too confusing to make out from description, and some symbols only have their complete impact if showed. But most DMs don't value the audio aid as they should. There is a reason why theme songs exist... if not, try to watch The Lord of the Rings on mute and then tell me if it's half as spectacular.

First, plan your playlist to go with your campaign. Find a battle theme, villain themes, location themes... and include a "Shit Hit The Fan" theme. It should be the last track on your playlist. Or, if you want something a little more auspicious, track number 13. During your sessions, you won't be changing songs, one of your players will. From then on, whenever something really bad is about to happen, tell your DJ to play the "Shit Hit the Fan" theme. It will take some time, but through repetition and Pavlovian stimulus, your party will learn to associate problems with that theme. You have just built your Theme Song.

From here on, you must be careful, so the Theme Song isn't lost. Make sure to play the Theme Song whenever things are about to get dirty, and you can also play it when they're not. Just remember: the Theme Song, once set, is like a small bottle of delicious liquor. You should use it in moderation to make sure it lasts for a long, long time.

#05 - The Smile That Kills
The Smile That Kills results well in small parties as well as in large, and I find it works even better if you smile slightly. Not a toothy, cheerful smile. A small, half smile. Just something that will lift the corners of your mouth, slightly close your eyes and leave no doubts in the minds of others that something horrifying has just crossed your mind. If needed, train your smile on the mirror, until you achieve the perfect mindfucking expression. It should be part Batman villain and part mischievous little kid.

At the beginning of any given game session, pick one of your players. It doesn't matter who, it works with pretty much everyone. Stare at him for a brief moment, and give him your Smile That Kills. I swear to crow you'll have him sweating. Should he ask what's up, say it's nothing and nonchalantly go over some notes or roll some dice at random. For the remainder of the session, he will wait for something hideous to happen. Be wary of this, however: don't overdo it. This is a move to be used every once in a while. If done constantly, it will lose its value and end up being considered "just the DM trying to fuck with us".

#04 - The Death Note
This should be done at the beginning of a session, and believe me, it's a mindfuck in itself. I know, because it was taught to me by the first guy ever to DM a game in my presence. I would now like to share this wisdom with you. And no, we aren't going to give strokes to criminals worldwide while being featured in hideous gay fanfics. Stay with me, I'll teach you something or another.

Like with every other tactic, there may or may not be a real threat behind the trick. However, it is my solemn advice you won't pull the trick without real threats too often, so players will always be kept in doubt. Pick a sheet from your notes (which may or may not contain something cruel and unusual) and place it next to you, written side down. With a smile and a casual demeanor, tell your players (if they don't ask you) that they will loathe the day you need to turn that sheet written side up.

From here on, it's very simple. Have the separate page marked, and always place it written side down next to you. It will haunt them in their dreams. A good way to adapt this move to your needs is using the (true) Death Note to write the stats for your final fiend. On the end of your campaign, when the time comes to fight it, very slowly pick the note and turn it around. If you had a score to go with it, it would be perfect.

Of course, you can also do a faker. Keep the sheet turned down for several sessions. At the end of one of them, put it back and say they dodged a bullet by an inch. The end of a dungeon is a good time to do this. If they ask you to check it out, because there's no more danger, refuse. Say you may still need it for another dungeon. That will keep them thinking. And if anyone calls your bluff... by all means, do plan something terrifying for your next session.

#03 - The Pile of Notes Method
As a DM, you certainly need to keep some notes. Some of you might work them out in a laptop, in which case this won't work. In order to pull the Pile of Notes Method, you need to have paper notes.

Pick a pile of notes to leave in a secluded place. They can be D&D notes or any notes - so as long players cannot read them. If it's a location away from your own home, your bag will have to do for revelation. If you're in your own house, you can put up a show. It doesn't have the same impact to pull a pile of notes from inside your bag as pulling them out of a chest under your bed. Anyway, the important thing here is presentation. Have your pile of notes tied with a red band, or inside a black folder. From here on, you're ready: get your session going, normally, and wait until the players do something that they think will upset you. Make a few minutes worth of silence, pull your pile of notes (slowly enough so they can see it's notes), take them out of the folder or untie the band, and put your fake notes somewhere in between the others.

You may or may not want to do a follow-up from the Pile of Notes move. You may want to shift your notes from time to time, check things from the fake pile, smirk a little - but it's the pulling of your notes from their concealment place that matters. This may keep your players from the smartass remarks and paying attention to you for the rest of your session. And, of course, you can always prepare something truly terrifying from time to time to back up your threat.

#02 - The Mysterious Roll
One of the advantages of being a DM is the DM screen. Nobody can see your rolls. The relationship between a DM and his players must be absolute trust and honesty for a group to use a DM screen in gaming: your players must trust that when you roll 10d6 and get all numbers below 5, you tell them so. In the same way, you must respect such a trust so that when you roll 10d6 and get all numbers below 5, you tell them so. Of course, you can take a wonderfull and fully trustworthy advantage of nobody being able to tell what you're rolling. Could be a d6 for the next damage... could be a d20 for crow only knows what.

The Mysterious Roll has two variants. Their Mysterious Roll, and Your Mysterious Roll. Their Mysterious Roll is rather deceptive, and may bring about the rage on your players: simply ask them to roll a d20, and don't tell them what it's for. Some players might find this a violation of the aforementioned trust: it may be a roll for something, it may be a roll just to check how their luck is today. So I'd rather have Your Mysterious Roll - protected by the DM screen and without players knowing what you're up to, roll some dice at random. If they ask what you're rolling, tell them something cruel. "I'm rolling for something cute", or "I'm rolling for something nice, warm and squishy". Again: you may have something planned... now, or two sessions from now. Or, you may be rolling dice at random just to fuck with them. After all, you all trust each other and a DM should not violate his player's trust... that doesn't mean he can't fuck with them a little.

#01 - The Silent but Deadly
This is very simple and can become a gaming method of its own. And no, I don't mean you should fart during a D&D session. Visual and audio aid is nice, but if your party is caught somewhere in the Bog of Eternal Stench, they probably don't want to know how it smells.

If you've been playing with the same people for a while, they will seek signals for when the shit hits the fan on you. The twinkling of the eye of someone who is about to unleash pain and distress on his players. The grin of one who has something on the bottom of the bag and needs but an excuse to bring it out. If you've ever played poker, you know how this sort of scanning works. And you also know how to beat it: poker face. You don't even need to bluff. In fact, if the party is scanning you through characters, plain scrutiny, or via direct questions, they may see through your overcompensating buff. Instead, remain indifferent: say nothing, answer to nothing, keep a straight face from one end of the campaign to the other. Don't let them see they surprised you, don't let them see you're about to fuck them up. Keep from threatening, passing comments (and wind) or chuckling. They'll never know what hit them.

Of course, this invalidates every other taunt and scheme to screw with your player's heads. This is something to be done over time, so they get used to seeing your straight face and fear something horrible is being concocted behind your ever-watching eyes. It is a game method - a delicious game method, but a game method nonetheless - you may or may not choose to apply. Me, I like a little variety: plant a doubt here, raise a fear there. But if you want to make this your way, and think you can do it right... let the game begin.