Weekly Log - 20 through 26

Monday Jul 20

Everyone seems to be talking about the flu today. I overheard the sub saying the store personnel will have classes about prevention and symptoms. I'm not overly worried about it (or included in these classes, still, I read pretty much everything there is to know about it in between replacing magazines on the rack). I think most people are making a storm in a glass of water out of this, really. Still, I entertained the idea I would get the flu - being the one distributing the fliers about prevention to customers, that I or one of the other promoters would get the flu and pass it on along like that... sort of tickles me in an ironical way.

I am thinking of getting a notebook. I saw one cheap at €250 and it sounded like a good buy. I needed a machine with Windows and a portable one for D&D and this seems to fulfill the needs. The worst part is, of course, buying it. I've tossed some numbers around and I think I can make it in a couple of months, still, I need to look into it once I am sure of how much I'll get. The presence sheet was forwarded today, so I hope to get some cash either this week or the next.

Tuesday Jul 21

The sub told me she thinks I make a face whenever she talks to me. I notice nothing, honest and truly, but it seems my murderous side insists on showing whenever that bitch addresses me. See, this woman doesn't speak. She only knows two tones: holler and shout. Loves the sound of her own voice, she does. Also loves to make people wait: there were three girls for interviews waiting for over an hour to meet her and she made them wait the whole damn fuckin' hour. I was at the counter trying to make up chit-chat so people wouldn't get too mad, and even I was tired of waiting for her.

Whenever people try to put themselves too much above me, I either picture them naked or a few years back. Because the law is clear: everyone has something they want to hide, nobody is absolutely perfect and superior at all times in the course of a lifetime. I am usually careful of that shit, and have a few embarrassing stories of my own. I try to imagine how people were on their first day of school, their first day of their first job... only I can't imagine this one doing anything else than ordering people around. She would have her ass fired from wherever she was if she spoke like this to co-workers, bosses and customers. The cool thing here is that after several years of both parents shouting at each other over the dinner table or sofa, I have become immune to screaming. She sort of blends in with the background. By my third hour, I don't hear her anymore: the store radio is actually more audible in my ears than her voice. Unless they're playing Katy Perry.

Wednesday Jul 22

All systems had gone to Hell by the time I got home. No TV, no Internet, no telephone. And, of course, no cellphone credit to call support. Just batey.

I had to wait until 9 for Mum to get home so I could call from her cell. After fiddling with data, customer numbers and who's who (apparently they have a problem that I am calling instead of the person mentioned in the contract. Good luck if you ever have to talk about computer issued with my Mum, buster. She will fuck you up), I was told there had been a problem out in a street around here... a post that fell due to the heavy winds we felt today all day... so that might be it. They're sending a technician on Friday, but until then, I'm stranded. Let the isolation sit in!

Funny how my mind works, though. I was thinking just last Monday that I should get some more stuff downloading should I get bored for some reason. You know, have something to occupy my time. Comes in handy now: I got a SNES emulator and several games to keep me busy until the Internet is back. Megaman, Contra, Super Mario Bros... all the classics.

Thursday Jul 23

Mnhe. Dull day. Watched Titus again, the movie not the sitcom, and it remains very awesome (if you like Shakespeare and I do). The movie is visually gorgeous and very well executed. And Anthony Hopkins is great, of course. It's a story that has every element possible to get me to watch it. Murder, revenge, rape, mutilation, odd soundtrack, Anthony Hopkins, epic-sounding dialog, everyone dies in the end... you know. A relaxing movie at the end of a day's work. Because if your job sucks on toes and you have to take it for eight hours with a smile, at the end of the day you couldn't care less about educational TV. It's the juicy violence we want!

Friday Jul 24

Well, the technician came by (I wasn't present, went out for a couple drinks with a friend) and... well it seems our problem had nothing to do with the fallen post. It was a disconnected wire. On Kid bro's room. A bloody disconnected wire. It was a fuckin' disconnected wire. Which nobody noticed because when I asked everyone if they had checked the cables, they told me they had.

Calm blue ocean. It's Friday. It's over. Going on with the weekend, ...

Weekend Jul 25 - 26

Did my best not to move a muscle this weekend and let my legs really rest up. I've been getting more punishment on them than they deserve. No signs of cash on the horizon yet. Since Saturday is the 1st, I can't believe they are actually ONLY going to pay me on Friday. (who am I kidding. As if I didn't know how this shit works....)

I did have enough to buy a six pack and chips, and spent both days watching old sitcoms. I'm still thinking of writing a sitcom based off the shit that happens in that supermarket. The cafeteria dude says the place is "Monty Python-y". My campaign supervisor calls it "the Seventh Circle of Hell". The girl who works with me usually says it resembles visiting time at the mental hospital. Me? I think it's merely a small space packed with humans. Shit is bound to happen: take a secluded space, fill it with people, disable the social unspoken law present in subways and trains that you shouldn't speak to people you don't know. Now get everyone in a hurry for a reason or another (or no reason at all!) and see what you get.

Downloads for the week include the aforementioned SNES emulator with several games from several websites, a couple more Batman comics to add to my collection and a few songs I was missing here and there. You know, the ones you like but won't download the whole discography from the artist.

YouTube Wednesday with 'Dirty Jobs'

I try to remember this show's episode every time I think I have a shitty job...

To B or not to B

Leave me a comment and I will give you a letter. Then, write 10 things that you love starting with that letter. Post the list in your journal. Give out letters to your commenters in return.

(Kusanagi gave me B)

1. Blind Guardian (which I've been waiting to see since '98 but went to Vieira do Minho instead, the BASTARDS.....)
2. Beer (but of course...)
3. Blade Runner (because it was AWESOME...)
4. Blogging (how else was I gonna complain?)
5. Bars (which of course comes from liking Beer...)
6. Black (favorite color)
7. /b/ (Internet's trash bin)
8. Book of Vile Darkness (easily one of my favorite D&D tools)
9. Blaze of Glory (the song by Bon Jovi)
10. Burguers (yum)

Weekly Log - 13 through 19

Monday Jul 13

Monday 13th, boy does this promise. Last Friday I told my super I wouldn't mind working there past my contract, this meaning, staying there after the promotion's over, probably at the register or restocking. Why did I do this? I could use the money. All things considered, being unemployed again is something I am not looking forward to at all. Even if they only hire people part-time. It's still better than nothing, and if I can get another part-time job elsewhere, I'll be making more than with a full-time job.

Co-workers do suck mostly (some people are cool though), but they'd suck just as bad elsewhere. And here, I already know who sucks, how much and with what determination. Might as well stay at a place where I already know the corners. Spares me a second reconnaissance. I recall some people talking about an odd feeling they experienced after reading Aldous Huxley's Brave New World - the feeling that it was actually a parabola for the pussified old world. Whenever I think of my co-workers, I sort of get the feeling I've read this before... around the time I was reading stuff in D&D books about drow society. The only way for these guys not to stab me in the back is being absent.

Tuesday Jul 14

A day has 24 hours, 8 of which are spent sleeping and eight of which are spent working, ideally. Take 2 hours, more or less, spent in traffic or public transportation and 2 more for meals. In my case, it adds up to 20. This means that if I don't do anything else (house, body and belongings maintenance, for instance), I have a total of 4 hours of free time every day. 4 hours is half my shift. If you think it flies by fast when I'm working, you reach a conclusion it flies by faster still when I'm having fun.

You do have weekends, of course. 48 hours a week. Subtract 16 to 20 hours for sleep (because everyone likes to sleep in on weekends) and 4 for meals. You get 24 hours of free time if you forsake the aforementioned house, body and belongings maintenance. Puts things in perspective, when you start doing the maths for your time. In a week of 168 hours, only 40 are spent exactly however the fuck you want to, with luck!

Wednesday Jul 15

This place is apeshit. It could be a bloody sitcom. I honestly think a sitcom could be easily set in this very place with these very people as characters. Yesterday, the security guard (who by the way is a walking horror movie cliché character: big, black, sassy, and named Eddy) had to run out of the store chasing a woman who tried to get the five finger discount. Today, another woman nearly gave birth to her six-month old in the middle of the supermarket.

In an emergency, I wouldn't trust the best of these folks. Everyone was running back and forth, nobody had a bloody cell phone with which to call emergency, and since the main phone needs a code of sorts before it allows you to make a call outside, and nobody fuckin' knows what that is, if the sub hadn't finally decided to go dial it herself we'd have to ask the cellphone from one of the customers. Frankly, why the fuck is she obsessed with keeping the code to herself? I have free SMS, I'm not gonna call outside, who would I call anyway if everyone I know is working or at school? We all belong to the Internet generation, lady, half of us has a hard time recalling what a wire telephone looks like.

Anyway, an ambulance came for the lady and to the best of my knowledge, she was okay. She left the place walking. I complained a few days ago I was bored. This week seems to want to prove me wrong at all costs.

Thursday Jul 16

I got news a guy who entered the ranks of the cashiers last week just gave up. Said he couldn't take the pressure. Which sent me in stitches: he can't take the pressure working the register? If he was in my shoes for a day, he'd commit suicide.

It's amazing how many assholes out there want a job, a career or employment, but how very few of them actually want to work. I'm glad just to be getting paid! Nine months going back and forth between home and job agencies would teach him a thing or two. Spending a while working phone sales would also be advisable. Because as far as I'm concerned, compared to a call-center, what I'm doing is heavenly. And then again, I don't know. Some people were born to work call-centers.

He actually had spoken to me once about his experience working at the register of a different supermarket chain. Oh wait... a hypermarket chain. The difference is that the hypermarket has some thirty registers, down where I work there are six. And a hypermarket has some eighty to ninety people among their staff, while here we have what? Forty, maybe less, and not all are here at the same time. He used to tell us he didn't like the fact he had to do his own price checking, for instance, because in his last job there was someone paid to do it for him. And he blames that on the store's lack of an organization and strategy. Oh. Well, I agree with him, the store has problems as work division goes, as staff scheduling goes... but this is also a small store. I'm pretty damn sure there is no way this can work as a major space. He had seen the place before applying for the job, so... why did he even come here?

Brother, when I remember they put this guy here within a week's time, and I applied for some five different supermarkets within the past year and none of them ever called me...

Friday Jul 17

I worked like a beast all night, like a bloody beast. Running up and down those stairs every fifteen minutes will either do wonders for my legs, or finish wrecking them. But that's in the past: ah, Friday night! The tradition of going out and having fun in this day is older than me. And while I have some coins in my pocket and a breath in my chest, I intend to honor this noble custom. I've been preparing for it all week: the sheets were set, the dice were polished, the calls were made both for the people on this side of the river and the people on the other one. Let us join together two of my favorite things: bar going and D&D.

I drank seven shots in a row against a friend (won by a two shot advantage, go me) and we laughed and rolled dice until the bar closed. Then we walked our way to the electric car station and sat there for nearly an hour chatting, until the first car ran by. By the time I finally walked into the house, it was morning - and even so, I still made myself breakfast, took a long shower and took time to welcome the weekend before dragging my tired and happy tail back to bed. This is what all Fridays should be like.

Weekend Jul 18 - 19

Woke up late on Saturday, as would be expected, seeing as I came back well into the morning. Sleeping in feels delicious when you have to get up early every morning. My contract also arrived yesterday, so everything's oficial until September. I signed that bastard and will send it as soon as possible. Downloads for the week include El Orfanato (2007) and Inland Empire (2006), as well as The Pick of Destiny (2006) so I can take a few chuckles into next week.

Ten Shitty Songs (That Are Always on the Radio)

Down where I work, we have a radio on almost the whole day. You know - music is supposed to relax customers so they'll feel good and spend more money on whatever it is we have on sale. From time to time, however, the DJ says "The soundtrack of your life plays here". And after hearing these atrocities play, I slowly start to wonder how much of a crap my life is, that these songs must be in its soundtrack.

They play everywhere. On every, or almost every radio station. You hear them on teenagers' cell phones. But what's the appeal of these songs? Just take a look... and I realize this is a matter of musical opinion and I'm by no means a musical expert, but try to see my side of the story here.

#10 - Almost everything by Christina Aguilera
Personally, I have nothing against Christina Aguilera. The fact she started her career in 1999 and from then on has made more and more effort towards looking like a Barbie doll from the 50's (both body and face) doesn't bother me, and frankly, I don't know enough about her or her life and career (or even her music!) to make criticism. I do have a complaint, and I picked her to do it because whenever I think of this musical bullshit, her name pops right into my head as one of the artists who helped make it popular. I'm talking about the whining.

I don't know what the musical term for it is, but it irritates the shit out of me. Take a "yeah", "hey" or "whoa" and drag them for some minute and a half, sometimes switching between them so it won't become as inaudible as an interrupted transmission beep. On her early career, la Aguilera showed a tendency to do it as is (check this out around 2.06, she's even trying to get a grip on it with her hand for crow's sake!) and as we reach 2007, she's doing it like it's diarrhea. What's with that? It irritates the SHIT out of me! I'd like to say Aguilera is also responsible for setting a minimum costume number per videoclip at five... but she wasn't the one who actually started it, she just made it a standard in any pop music video in which a girl sings.

But back to the whimpering... or moaning, or whatever you want to call it. Aguilera is just one of the artists who resort to this bullshit to demonstrate they have a voice. She's the one I always recall because... well. Her voice is particularly annoying when she's doing it, and she's doing it several times per song. I was never one to follow American Idol but I know for a fact nearly every female artist who reached finals sang like this. It's like she is so desperate to show us her voice is flippin' sweet she does little interludes in between lyrics to have us take a good listen. It's a cheap trick, especially when you listen to the really awesome voices of old doing so much better with notes. Why must every modern female artist sing like Aguilera? Who the Hell wants to be Aguilera anyway?! She's irritating!

#09 - (You Want to) Make a Memory by Bon Jovi
Bon Jovi, come on... what the Hell happened to you in your adult years? Are you the same bloke who sang Runaway and Blaze of Glory? The guy who sang about being "wanted dead or alive" is whining about "sippin' wine, killin' time"? The crazy kid who used to ramble on about being "a fighter, but without you I give up" is telling me shit about "if you go now, I'll understand"? The guy who did Livin' on a Prayer, arguably one of the top ten favorite tunes people like to butcher on karaoke, is sheepishly asking me if I want to Make a Memory like he's asking for a mercy fuck? Get outta here!

See, this is the problem with artists getting old: sometimes, they also mellow. And when the rock idol of your teenage years turns into something your Mum sings along to in the car, something's very wrong. The whole song sounds like he's apologizing us for singing it. Maybe I'm too jaded already, but throughout the whole thing the only expression that pops into my mind is 'mercy fuck'. Take a look at the lyrics: there he is, sitting with possibly an old flame, asking her if she wants to write a song along with him, so they both can have a moment together they'll treasure. I'm still hearing 'mercy fuck'. Bon Jovi half whispers it and half sings it, venturing a little into his old high pitches as the song comes to an end. 'Mercy fuck' still comes to mind. "God it's good to see you smile"? "It's bittersweet to hear you laugh"? 'Mercy fuck' still here.

There's nothing else to say, really. For me, he's clearly apologizing for this bull. Or asking for a musical mercy fuck, whatever fancies you. It reminds me of the unplugged version of It's My Life. On the original version you had something that sorta sounded like what you'd expect from an aged Bon Jovi. Then they pulled the plug on the guitars and bam - it makes me sleep. Come on, Bon Jovi! You've done much better slows in your day! Go listen to your own albums, man! You're Bon-fuckin'-Jovi, you don't need a mercy fuck!

#08 - Viva la Vida by Coldplay
'You know how I know you're gay? You listen to Coldplay'. Man, pop music has been disappointing for a while now, but Coldplay is probably one of the epitomes of suck. Non-threatening music based on a four or five key melody with lyrics hiding behind philosophical bullshit to mask the fact they mean jack squat. This, for me, is Coldplay. I've tried liking some of it in the past, since so many of my college friends were into the band when they started getting big in 2002. I've tried to look at Yellow and seeing some more sense to it than some British twat saying everything's... yellow. Isn't it perfect that a sissy band wrote a song called Yellow? I tried, and by the time I came to The Hardest Part in 2005... I quit. I definitely hate their style. And songs. And Viva la Vida didn't come to improve the impression they had already made on me.

Coldplay is possibly the only band able to write a song about a revolution, or someone who lost everything, and make it sound like the commercial tune to a new type of chewing gum. I mean... I complain often about U2, and even It's a Beautiful Day held a little more power than this, within similar themes. By the third minute of the song, Chris Martin simply gives up, realizing he has written lyrics which can be interpreted in a variety of ways but most likely mean nothing concrete whatsoever, and that he's been singing it with less emotion than a little kid going through Silent Night for his aunts for the fortieth time this Christmas. He simply moans at us for a while, gives us a last chorus and calls it a day. Still non-threatening, suburban British music. It stinks.

#07 - Unfaithful by Rihanna
Again, I can't see the appeal behind Rihanna. I first heard her when everybody did: when she started singing Umbrella. After it came to me on the radio the third time, I reached the conclusion it was actually amazing, the way she could sing the chorus through her nose AND deliver the weather forecast at the same time. (yeah, I know the umbrella is symbolic. What's the ella-ella-eh-eh-eh a symbol of? That's the part in the song that got her into the top ten chart in 2007, you know? Like Lou Reed's doo-do-doo). Before that, however, she had been singing Unfaithful for a year. Only nobody had noticed. The ella-ella-eh-eh-eh in Umbrella actually got radio DJs to dig underneath the mess of junk food and the latest sponsor soda bottles to find her previous album and actually play the song on the radio.

So... Unfaithful. This woman who loves this guy, yet she's being unfaithful and it's killing him, so she's deciding to leave him once and for all because she "don't wanna be a murderer". I think the best part of us has a few names for her, other than 'murderer'. I've heard plenty of names for people like that from friends who have been in the shoes of said guy. Really, what's so great about this shit? What kind of message does this convey? "I don't wanna do this anymore", how about the times you already did? "I don't wanna hurt him anymore", so you did before? The message you get from all this is basically that it's okay to cheat if it's not weighting on your conscience! Bullshit it is! You should jump over to a 50 Cent song to see what he'd do to you if you kept that on, bitch! Damn, jump right into Aina to see what they do to you there: pop music may be tolerant of cheating, wait to see what heavy metal's gonna do to your ass!

It's funny right after this she came along with Umbrella, where "told you I'd be here forever" is a main chorus line (other than, of course, ella-ella-eh-eh-eh, because you know... that's the good stuff in the song!). Still, Unfaithful comes across as an a-okay to cheating so as long as you can sleep at night. And it's sang with the sort of depressive tune and anguished vocals you'd expect from the guy who's being cheated on. You gotta have some serious nerve, Rihanna - you sure you're sorry about this guy? Damn, I'd hate to see you when you're mad at him!

#06 - I'm Yours by Jason Mraz.
I hate this song. I abhor this song. I've walked faster on the street not to hear it for long when it's coming from inside a coffee shop or clothes store. I can't change stations fast enough when it comes up on the radio. I once shook my Mum because she was singing it. I'm checking the lyrics now in order to tell you a bit more about it, and I'm cursing through my teeth.

And despite what you might say, it's not the lyrics. It's not the happy-happy-butterflies-and-sunshine mood the whole thing has that upsets me. It's not the good vibes you get from it, the whole life-is-short-and-we're-young, let's-love-ourselves-without-huge-complications, the whole hippie bit in it, really, that's not what upsets me. It's a song with a huge disposition as lyrics go! It's the sort of song that wakes up in the morning and has a smile on its way to work while everyone else is loathing the fact coffee was cold. It's not exactly my thing either, but it doesn't bother me. You wanna be happy while I'm sour, by crow and all things sacred, be happy! So why do I hate this shit?

It's the melody. And Jason Mraz's voice.

You hear this and you immediately know what it is... you'd expect to hear it from some guys panhandling at the subway station. You sort of feel you're somewhere tropical. I'm divided between Jamaica and Hawaii to describe it. I hate it. It's the same four or five notes over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and over again. And as for his voice... I'm not sure what's worse. When he's singing, you get these moments when he goes into falsetto for some time (I like deep male voices, so you see, no appeal for me in Jason Mraz, plus he wears a hat shaped like a potty) crow only knows why... and when he stops singing, you still hear the bloody ukelele, or whatever the fuck it is he's playing! Sounds like some tune you'd use as background music for your bossanova medley. I've heard 8-bit melodies with more variation than this. Also, explain to me what the fuck he means when he goes "a-la peaceful melody". What, you needed a few more syllables for the rhyme to feel right? Go away...

So you see, I actually think I could enjoy the lyric on its own (provided I had my morning coffee of course, and I was in the best of my happy-happy moods, which isn't as often as you may think) but... not only Jason Mraz is singing it, he also called his cousin from the Maldivas to write the melody!!

#05 - The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script
This is actually a very scary song, only nobody noticed because it had an upbeat rhythm and several of the usual romantic elements that captivate teenage girls. I guess this is why it's so popular. Girls like the idea of a man who feels so miserable about having been ditched, he's willing to camp on the corner of a street waiting for them to come back. And, as you can probably see in the music video, he really can't be moved. Police doesn't even try to get his ass off the corner! Damn, if that was happening anywhere around my neighborhood, he'd be mugged three times before the police even arrived and then have the shit kicked out of him, so the girl he's waiting for could go bail him out of jail.

But he's not moving. He's not mooooooooving! (what's with the fuckin' falsettos men are doing in songs? I only know a handful of male singers who can do falsetto and get away with it, you're not them, grow balls!). Like I said, you get plenty of the elements in a love song most women like. You have your "corner where I first saw you", your "I'm a broken hearted man", your "how can I move on when I'm still in love with you", and that's just the first verses. But nobody notices how it gets creepy shortly after the first minute: he starts actually fantasizing that she's gonna wake up one day, and realize she misses him, so she'll come running back here to look for him, and maybe he'll get famous because he's not getting his ass off the corner, so maybe she'll come back like that too... people... it's a fuckin' stalker! I know why he's on the corner of the street, he has a court order to keep the Hell away from her doorstep. Get real, mac, if that's the place she met you at, she isn't going back there ever again.

I mean, the chorus is the same sentence four times: "I'm not moving". You know who repeats things like this? The crazies. Take a jog, print these lyrics and read them while panting, you'll see what I mean... if I knew there was a guy in a corner waiting for me to go back and doing this shit, I'd change towns. It's a spooky song, people, he's a fuckin' stalker!

#04 - Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne
Avril Lavigne, teenage idol extraordinaire. Up until now, she and I have led our separate ways quietly: for me, she's a cheerleader who woke up one morning and decided she wanted to cash in on the whole pseudo-punk pseudo-emo style... Joan Jett is supposed to be one of her greatest influences, although I can't see it, other than for her cover of one of her songs. I should take the time to say, however, that Joan Jett is a queen and Avril Lavigne, although having made a tribute that turned out more or less decent, is not fit to pump gas into the Blackhearts van.

I hate Girlfriend because I hate the new generation of teenage girls. I hate the general way in which they carry. I hate teenagers who are revolted against... what? What are these stupid brats revolted against? The most of them live in big houses, their parents are mostly together and driving expensive cars, they have the latest cellphones and gadgets, they can even beat the shit out of teachers, and their greatest aspiration in life is to marry well and get pregnant now! Whatever problems do these stupid projects of people have? I know: they're bored! Girlfriend sings like an American cheer leading song, and the lyrics go like this: your girlfriend's stupid, ditch her, keep me, I'm sexier. Yeah, that's right. What did you think she meant during "don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright"? Sexual innuendo? Nah, not one bit!

Plus, Avril, you lost me at "she's like, so whatever". When I was a teenager we had coded language too, but you managed to actually put together two of the expressions I hate the most in the same sentence, and sing them with the tone I hate the most as well.

#03 - The Story by Brandi Carlile
Another one I learned to recognize by the first few seconds so I can change radio stations whenever it's on. For some reason I always picture this shit being sang by the pedophile old man in Family Guy - and it's not just because he once sang a song with more or less the same theme in the series. Her voice also reminds me of him. Especially when she goes into high pitch, then it's just like him. Brrr.

Now this has nothing to do with the song itself, but... who the fuck names his daughter "Brandi" and misspells it on purpose? Your credibility died there and then, Brandi. Even if I wanted to give you some, you decided to sing your debut song as if you were a cat getting skinned. I can see some country music influences there... although I don't know why so many country singers purposely do the pitch she also does with her voice. She has a pleasant voice, actually, a rough tone that reminds me of a much less smoky Bonnie Tyler... but then she goes into pitch, and the cat's getting skinned again! She alternates the audible parts with the pitch, so unless you know exactly when it's coming, you don't even have the time to cover your ears. The worse, for me, happens at 2.54: crow, someone put the poor woman out of her misery! If I heard that without the music, I'd assume someone was being tortured into singing! And that's not heartfelt, it's plain ear-splitting.

I'm not even gonna complain about the lyrics... because, how could I? The cat starts getting skinned shortly into the song's first minute and my brain shut off the remainder of the words! And then, after much skinning, we drive into 3.33, when she becomes the pedophile in Family Guy again. Seriously, I don't even wanna go further into The Story, every time I remember that high pitch I get urges to break out the baseball bat and beat the shit out of whoever's killing a cat!

#02 - Hot N Cold by Katy Perry
Oh brother... Katy Perry showed up a little while ago and rose so fast in the European Top 20 we were waiting to see her burst out through the ceiling and fly her way to fuckin' crow, taking her song along with her. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, so every other day I have to listen to it during my train ride back home. Which is precisely when I cannot escape. I need an MP3 player urgently.

The lyrics are nothing special: boy can't take a position to save his life and she's pissed about it. In a very cheery way, but she's pissed about it. She starts singing as if someone just punched her in the chest and she's gasping for air. Then the whole things becomes a cartoon theme song. I'm serious, this is one of those songs you hear being played at the beginning of a cartoon. Then she lost her breath again! The whole electronic, synthesizer bit is a common tool of those who cannot sing. I never heard Katy Perry live, but I'm almost positive it must be a massacre of decibels. Everyone can sing on a synthesizer. I can sing on a synthesizer.

What bothers me about it, other than the stupid duality between "I'm suffocating" and "morning cartoons opening" is that anyone with the slightest knowledge of computer programs could whip up something like this. But wait, maybe I'm being too rough on Katy Perry and her Hot N Cold (c'mon Katy, you're not cool just because you decided to misspell "and"). After all, she reminds me of another artist, and her whole style can perhaps be explained by her predecessor... let's see, girl singing? Check. Synthesizer use? Check. Pseudo-techno tunes? Check. Stupid lyrics? Check. Stupid music video? Hmmm... could it be she looks a little bit like... oh, of course! I see my mistake, I'm taking her seriously! Well, if her predecessor taught us something, Katy Perry and her song will be taking the walk in less than a year. I'm sorry Katy, do carry on!

#01 - The Boy Does Nothing by Alesha Dixon
Another song that reminds me of cartoons. Actually, she could probably be considered the black Katy Perry: she's also complaining about her man, who is clumsy and untidy. Then she eventually sees another guy, but he ends up not washing up, cleaning up or brushing up either. Apparently, Alesha Dixon is trying to get a date at the gorilla cage in the zoo. You know what this reminds me of? This. No shit. I'm sure someone could put the clip and the song together and it'd fit - with the exception Lum was funny and Alesha Dixon is not. The first time I heard her song, I wanted to jump out of the train. And it has been so for every other time I've heard it.

What bothers me in Alesha's song... the chorus. I could pick up the repetitive beat in the back, but I won't: she's doing a mambo here, I don't like mambo, so I have no say. That her lyrics sound both retarded, I can complain about. First, you get the chorus as if she's checking from a list: does he wash up? Never wash up, cross that. Does he clean up? Nope, not cleaning up, cross that as well. Does he brush up at least? Nah, doesn't brush up either - cross it. This guy is a fuckin' couch potato, he's coming into the club with his pajamas on! The last two verses are a very surprised "he does nothing, the boy does nothing!", and frankly I can understand him. If a woman was singing this at the club, I wouldn't know what to do either. Between making for the fire exits and swinging a chair at the stage.... decisions, decisions.

Also, you're way too fuckin' old to be calling your dancing partners "boy" unless you wanna be arrested. I guess these new songs aren't for me. I like the old time rock 'n roll.

Weekly Log - 06 through 12

Monday Jul 06

I accumulated some responsibilities between last Friday and today. As it turns out, there will be nobody really supervising me during the promotion time. Everything important there may be to do, I have to do it. Why? They're understaffed and decided to lay everything down on me. Don't you just love Mondays? (short answer: no. Long answer: no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no)

Tuesday Jul 07

My brother is 17 years old today. And I'm in for probably one of the busiest days of the week. See, the product I was hired to promote comes to the store today. With what went on yesterday, I am pretty damn sure this is going to be a tragedy in three acts: difficult, disgraceful and depressing.

So, first of all, there were no brochures I could hand out to customers so they could take home and discuss the product with their loved ones. When I told this to the sub and the manager, they poked fun at me. Then, there are no more promoters coming in to the store on the weekdays, which means if I was to do things as they told me I should, I would get lunch around 4h30 in the afternoon. So fuck that, as soon as one o'clock rang, I packed my shit and went out to grab a bite. Then the manager complained I wasn't approaching customers... what started off as a passive sale became an aggressive sale of sorts. And although everyone has already realized that this is something customers won't care much for, everyone keeps pressing for me to try and sell it by force. The manager in particular found it strange that the SIM cards and cellphones weren't flying off the shelves. I wondered if he knows how to spell "economical crisis settled in and people don't give a shit about buying a new cellphone" (I can spell it on demand, by the way). Next to no advertising on the store, and did I mention on top of promoting this piece of crow, I also do everything else I did before?

So, I spent my day doing three jobs: promoting that bullshit, handling the info counter with all things related and handling store maintenance when needed. The store is really disorganized. I don't know how they managed to get everything done before I got here: understaffed, nobody gives two fucks about anything... and hey, I'm starting to understand why. When I did give two fucks, they made fun of me, I might as well shrug and forget about it, and do the best with what I've got. If they don't like it, fuck them.

On the eve, I was very tired, of course... still, I went out for dinner with Pops. He didn't want to set a date for the weekend, as I was expecting. It sort of feels like he wanted to get this out of the way as quickly as possible. I'm serene: too tired to bother with questioning Pops, I'm over that stage, I smile and nod and forget about it the minute it's over.

Happy birthday, Kid Bro. Thank crow I came home in time to get the birthday cake. I won't even discuss the fact my younger brother is 17, let's just slice down that bitch and send it down the hatch.

Wednesday Jul 08

There is a lady who comes into the store everyday, sometimes more than once a day, always wearing the same set of clothes. She thinks I stole her supermarket membership card for some reason. And she makes it a point to tell so to everyone in the store. She always buys more or less the same things. So... today, everyone came to warn me she spread around the store that I asked her for her card and refused to give it back.

Now, I'm not the smartest person in the world, but it's clear for me. Why is it not for others? Is is possible I was the only one who realized the pattern? Same clothes everyday, same shopping list, same words at the same hours of the day...? Remembering things that never happened, forgetting shit that did? She old lady has Alzheimer's. How is it possible nobody else bloody noticed and actually bought the story that I kept the card? Why the Hell would I want a supermarket card belonging to someone else if they're free? Crow, am I actually surrounded by true idiots this time?

Thursday Jul 09

Getting up today was terrible. I'm exhausted - still one day ahead.

Things were chaotic in the store today. I had nearly no time to take care of the promotion itself, although a few more people have been buying the SIM card. In the afternoon, the super decided she wants to check my entry time from day one on camera. My soul's serene: I never got in late, I never left early, on the contrary. I usually stay past my exit time, until whatever I have in hands is finished. Besides, it's Thursday. In 24 hours, it's weekend and I don't really give a horse's patootie if she has me committing murder on camera then. I just want to lay off my legs for a couple of days.

Friday Jul 10

And here we are: it's Friday, I'm tired and the eight hours I spent at work couldn't go by fast enough if they were tossed. Mum divided some cash between me and Kid Bro to buy clothes. My wardrobe's pretty worn out, and I don't mean furniture. Some pieces I've been wearing for ten years. Yeah. I wore more or less the same number when I was thirteen as I do now. Give or take.

Two women started fighting on the store today, too. And I don't mean an argument, I mean a bag-flail fight. The sort the security had to come out of his corner to part. I spent the rest of the afternoon with the Mortal Kombat theme playing in my head for some reason.

Weekend Jul 11 - 12

On Saturday I went shopping with Kid Bro. We bought some new clothes and spent the rest of the evening at the mall having coffee and snacks with the guys. I spoke at length with Kid Bro about the house we live in - he hates it and I like it. Kid Bro actually wanted to have a huge house with a yard... the sort of house I really don't like. I like my houses small, cozy, with less to clean up than a huge, high maintenance, expensive place. In fact I doubt I'll ever change houses again. I like this place... sure, the neighborhood blows smoke and you can easily get robbed or killed around here... but you can get robbed and killed pretty much everywhere, as Truman Capote's In Cold Blood shows. Plus, as I see it, the minute I close and lock my front door, the rest of the world outside ceases to exist completely. It doesn't really matter where I am, as long as I like where I live and I have friends close by.

I spent Sunday resting and working on hex maps. I'm still in love with that gIMP script. I've been making a whole bunch of them, both for campaigns and for the short stories I'm writing. Downloads for the weekend include Tenacious D's The Pick of Destiny because I wanted to laugh. I've watched The Graveyard Shitf (1990), The Orphanage (2007) and Phenomena (1985) - soon to be reviewed if I get the time.

YouTube Wednesday with Jacko... Sort of.

Some things fit so right together it's almost spooky, isn't it?

Shit Happening!

Taoism - Shit happens.
Confucianism - Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Buddhism - Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism - What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism - The shit has happened before.
Islam - If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Catholicism - If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism - Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian - This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian - It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist - It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist - Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian - Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran - If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism - If shit happens, you will go to Hell, unless you are born again.
Judaism - Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism - Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventist - No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism - God made all shit.
Secular Humanism - Shit evolves.
Christian Science - Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism - Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers - Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism - This shit does not stink.
Darwinism - This shit was once food.
Capitalism - That is MY shit!
Communism - It's everybody's shit.
Feminism - Men are shit.
Chauvinism - We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism - Let's package this shit.
Impressionism - From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism - Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism - Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Stoicism - This shit is good for me.
Hedonism - There is nothing like good shit happening!
Mormonism - God sent us this shit.
Wiccan - An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology - If shit happens, see "Dianetics", page 157.
Jehovah's Witness - Shit has been prophecized and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies - Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna - Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism - Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism - Shit happens half of the time.
Practical - Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic - Shit might have happened. Then again, maybe not.
Satanism - SNEPPAH TIHS!
Atheism - I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism - No shit.

... and of course:
The Most Serene Church of Murphy - Shit happens. Get over it.

Weekly Log - 29 through 05

Monday Jun 29

Monday came along and brought all the classics: no money, no lunch, no smokes, no coffee. Just thinking that this month's telephone bill is on the € 50 line makes me wanna sit down for a few minutes. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have problems with one of the supers too... my knee, popped out of place accidentally last Friday, hurts like a little bitch. I'm trying to stay motivated through rage. It works well, see: I'm pissed, so I move faster to walk it off before I decide to start being rude and evil at someone. Of course, movement's impaired because of this useless fuckin' joint I call my left knee.

But hey - at least I'm trying to do something constructive with my anger. I usually just bite my tongue when I can't lash out, and grow ulcers the size of fists.

Tuesday Jun 30

I went shopping with two blind ladies today (not at the same time, fortunately) despite the fact I really am a newbie at it. I think the sub-manager got sorta pissed at me too (not at all hard, see, I have a feeling she really loves to bitch and yell) because I gave a customer the complaints book without calling her.

Now wait just a minute. She tells in the morning she is so full of work she can't even have lunch peacefully. The job requires me to be "proactive". And you can't deny the complaints book when asked. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Besides, it's a meaningless, stupid, picky complaint about the carts and baskets not being in their proper place. I didn't take it seriously, she wouldn't have taken it seriously and Consumer's Defense won't take it seriously either! But well, the sub loves to yell... which is a problem, I don't work well with people who yell at me. I have a tendency to yell back at them, and then we're yelling at each other and things tend to get messy. But it's not important anyway. By September, all these people will be out of my life since the contract can't be renewed. They're nothing.

Sub should look into her blood pressure, however. She nearly had a stroke trying to open a bottle showcase by force in the afternoon. One I opened by placing the key correctly in the lock... not hard at all when you try skill instead of strenght. If she had asked me to do it, I would have... but hey, she thinks I'm dumb, I didn't bother.

Wednesday Jul 01

What a day. I had forgotten how screwed up a job can be. There isn't a job that is cool all of the time, of course, things are bound to get frustrating. Today was one such: the first two hours of the morn flew by like they didn't exist since I was busy, that's cool. What isn't, is trying to teach two idiots something or another about my own task there. See, everyone in the supermarket is required to have a little notion of what we're doing. The idea is that we, who will be dealing with it, are supposed to teach a number of co-workers the how-tos, while supers are taught by someone from the company. Those two only wanted half a reason to stay out of work. I'm glad I didn't become a teacher.

Plus, you can take the twits aside for lessons, but you can't force them to learn...

One of the other promoters arrived today too. I gave her a few pointers on how the shop works. She was much easier to teach, since she actually gave two flying crows about learning. Took a chance to tell her all passwords and telephone codes. I won't have anyone going through what I did.

Thursday Jul 02

Crow, where is my weekend? My legs are killing me!

I took to watching old horror. Like, 60's horror. They have an odd feeling to them. I know I probably won't be scared, but I can't keep but imagining a theater room filled to the top with people getting the chills over it. Plus, with all the orchestral soundtrack and classical-looking acting styles, I feel like I am truly watching a movie. It doesn't aspire to be "realistic" or "innovative", it's just a movie. A good deal of what I've seen features Vincent Price and was adapted from Edgar A. Poe, so you see... very bizarre and gothic and weird.

Friday Jul 03

A woman threw up at the store's door right before lunch, and ran away. I got out from behind the counter and warned the sub. She told me either I was gonna clean it, or she was. Which obviously meant I was. I fetched a bucket and mop and cleaned up the mess. It was more fun than gross actually... see, the woman in question had been sampling some cherries at the fruit section (I hate people who do that, try fruit out without buying it) and her puke sorta looked like she had just barfed out a kidney. Visual effect was pretty agreeable. Plus, as I was walking towards the puddle at the door, a co-worker ran her way to the can to throw up herself. Absolutely hilarious!

Weekend Jul 04 - 05

I watched Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen on Saturday. I think I'm still digesting it. It's not an absolutely horrid movie, although there were several horrid things in it. I don't usually say a lot about action movies since I don't know a lot about them. What I know is horror, and sci-fi. And as sci-fi goes, I have a thing or two to point out on Transformers. The movie's premise is pretty gimmicky at best... on the first movie you get a "yay, the cube is destroyed!", you sit in the theatre for this and get a "wait, there's a little bit left". Then you have a feeling that screenwriters didn't very well know where the sci- ends and the -fi begins. As the movie comes close to an end, our leading actor Shia LeBeouf has a "vision" of sorts... come on. This is Transformers; I want tech, not fantasy. You can argue all you want that since he had that thingamajig implanted in his brain, he could have seen data transferred directly into his brain, I still say it was a near-death experience where he spoke to the souls of dead Primes. Bullshit.

The relationship between Megatron and Starscream did look more like what we used to see in the cartoons, though: Starscream is a fuckin' coward and nobody really knows why Megatron hasn't reduced him to parts yet.

Plus, this one had a lot of comic relief which was... not so funny. The most hilarious part, to me, was finding a Transformer with balls. The two Mexican-sounding ice-cream truck twins? Not that great as relief goes. The mini Transformer? Better, but still not amazing. Balls on a Transformer, wrecking balls at that? Okay, you got me.

On Sunday, I found a proper way to make hex maps for D&D - a script in gIMP which makes it really easy and rather fun. It'll come in handy to map great outdoors, caves and anything else that looks funny on a square grid. I'm very excited about it, in fact, if you want it just ask me. I know it used to be hosted on the creator's website and that's down now, I found it while lurking on a forum about map-making.