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Weekly Log - 17 through 23

Monday Nov 17

The retard under my window came back at five in the AM, but it was too fucken' cold to get out of bed and go yell at him. Covered my head with the blanket and hoped he would slip on dog shit and break something. Doesn't need to be anything serious, so as long as he's taken away.

Had a lot of errands to run today, and managed to run nearly all. The only thing I didn't do was hang the clothes to dry. I went shopping, I took care of the gas problem, separated clothes to place on the tub and wash, took care of some dishes, and finally sat down and had a beer. The gas guy was awfully nice, since he had already been to my area and agreed to come back at the end of his shift to deliver the bottle. For a moment there I thought I was screwed until tomorrow morning.

Tuesday Nov 18

I spent all day thinking it was Wednesday already, for some reason. I even went looking for a good YouTube clip for YouTube Wednesday. My mind's way ahead of me.

Spoke to Pops on the blower, he said if I can't find a job until next month, he'll give me one at his office. Great: the more I try to get the Hell outta that business, the more stuck I get... still, it's better than not working at all and at least I know my way around that office. Also, free Internet, so I won't complain and take the offer. Seeing Pops everyday is really the only downside to it, plus the fact the office is freezing during Winter. There's even a tattoo shop on my way there, so I may be able to get a budget for my next tattoo sooner than expected. Now to hope he really pays me in time.

Wednesday Nov 19

My cat bit me in the calf for some reason. I assume at some point while I was hanging clothes out to dry, I must've stepped on him. It makes no sense he'd attack me out of the blue, right? Anyway, putting on my sneakers now means a world of pain (the little bugger has sharp teeth and bites deep, he does), so along with being bored half to death, I'm also stuck with sandals in the middle of November.

Thursday Nov 20

Crow, how I hate shopping. Especially when the supermarket is packed. No new movies on the horizon lately, but I found my old Gameboy so now I'm having fun finishing The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages for the fourth or fifth time.

Friday Nov 21

Spent the whole day reading on about serial killers, gruesome murders and other such goodies. Crime Library is an awesome site. Then I went on to watch An American Crime, which frankly... I still have mixed feelings about. Bored.

Saturday Nov 22

Very bored... Marlboro 100's seems to have vanished from the stores nearby, so I'm smoking Intense. Grandparents dropped by, Grandma asked me to pray for her since she's having that surgery. I've never prayed in my life, ain't now I'm gonna start. She never prayed either, I happen to know. Funny how fast people turn religious when they have a problem.

Sunday Nov 23

Even more bored... some jackass played hip hop all day again. Same songs as last time, in the same order, I'm beginning to learn the lyrics. Brother has my headphones and haven't given 'em back yet, so I'm actually playing LoZ: Oracle of Ages with its own sound. Still smoking Intense: short but sweet. They're cheaper than 100's, so I'm actually considering a change of brand.

YouTube Wednesday with Nightwish

This is a great video and a great song. Nightwish sang Sleeping Sun in their album Oceanborn, released in 1998 and second album of the band. However, this wouldn't be the sole version of the song: a radio edit version exists, and also a revisited version, appearing in the single of the same title and the compilation Tales from the Elvenpath.

'Junk'

*deepbreath**siiiiigh*

... why did I ever think a movie named Junk would be something other than precisely that? I'm gullible. Why did I even pick up this movie in the first place? Well, let me tell you how: I was bored, told a friend to give me a letter of the alphabet at random, it turned up J and I started browing the J page on the movie index at crunchyroll. Why did I agree to watch a movie with this name and this cover? It reminded me of Evil Dead and I thought it was a horror comedy. Why am I not laughing? Because it's a piece of junk, alright.

Despite having been made in 2000, Junk (before anyone asks, no, it's not porn) will surely summon forth bad memories of cheesy 80's action flicks. Atsushi Muroga wrote and directed this with the fewest effects available and managing to reunite an amount of talent as small as possible: mostly first-timers or actors who actually make a living by performing in crap such as this.

So here's the plotline, and it's as bad as they come: a Japanese-American project is being conducted in an abandoned factory somewhere in Japan, with the objective of bringing people back to life. It backfires, and their very first subject -a woman who spends 80% of the flick naked and the remaining being plain irritating- turns into a zombie. She then proceeds into turning the American doctor, the American nurse and a crowload of dead bodies gathered there for the experiment into zombies too. American military call the Japanese doctor who created the project to shut the whole thing down. Meanwhile, a group of three guys and one girl robbed a jewelry store and plan on selling their loot to the yakuza. The meeting point? The abandoned factory, where we finally have a big showdown with the robbers, the yakuza, the American military and zombies fighting, shooting and nibbling at each other.

I should really read about movies on IMDb before watching them. Had I read something similar to what I just typed, I would've never, unless I was desperately bored, watched this. But I did, and so, here come spoilers and a lot of cursing.

It's hard to point out good aspects in Junk. Because there aren't many, if at all. It's not credible at all, but I doubt that was the point: the American military send in one officer and a Japanese doctor whom as far as we're concerned had very little to no training (judging by the way he shoots, my money's on the later) to start a self-destruct process in an abandoned factory packed full of zombies. Right. If this had a drop of realism, the place would be nuked. Or at the very least, the SWAT would move in. They're called to action in other movies for a lot less. This isn't the main plothole though, this is: the main zombie isn't a zombie. Because zombies can't type on computers, speak, change haircolors at will and will be dead once the head's blown up. This bitch is hit, stabbed with an iron, shot several times, cut in half, shocked and finally explodes along with the place, and by the movie's end her charred skeleton is still alive!

Now I can accept if you tell me she isn't a zombie, she just carries the virus, and is in fact some sort of mutated creature which was once human, but no more. You can tell me she's virtually immortal. But this is popular knowledge: brain's gone, she's gone, period. Nothing, except maybe the mighty cockroach, survive without a brain. And that's why you should aim for the head, right? If the head is gone, it's gone! What in crow's name was alive in her, that she could still move, the marrow in her bones? Or are screenwriters so desperate for an "evil-never-dies" twist to the story they'll even rape the laws of anatomy?!

Of course they are. How many times did crow-damn Jason come back?

Another thing that'll make you laugh is the quality of dialog. Half of it is in Japanese and half in English. Only the Japanese speak Japanese, and the Americans speak English, even when they're talking to each other. Except when the Japanese speak English too, and proceed to horribly murder the language. Thank crow this has the English subtitles, because if I was gonna depend on my hearing alone to understand what the Japanese doctor says everytime he speaks in English, I wouldn't get half what's going on. It's hilarious that all the English people understand Japanese, but only enough to get the meaning of what the Japanese are saying. Then they answer in English and the Japanese also understand what they're saying, but then reply in Japanese. It's batshit!

Another thing that will surely remind you of bad 80's action flicks is the can of preserved cliché they popped open when constructing characters. The girl robber, Jun, is your common action woman: black leather, tattoo, likes fast cars and and loud music, is an impeccable feminist, but ends up being the sweetest person. Then there's Akira, your common Japanese bloke who dyed his hair blond. A wuss for 80% of the flick, he ends up coming back for Jun, and parttaking in one of the cheesiest, typically 80's endings I have ever seen: he gets Jun the car she's been desiring, which is an awesome black sports car, and they both drive away into an endless road with the loot they stole, after blowing up the factory. Yowza. The Americans in this couldn't be any more American if this was written in West Virginia by a Chicago native, produced in Texas by someone from Maine and debuted on NYC. And Nakada, the Japanese doctor-turned-action hero, who is tortured by the death of his wife so much he decided to start a project to revive her! What a crock of bull!!

Now when I spoke about Junk to a friend of mine, and described firsthand the horrors I had witnessed at the hands of this flick, he told me maybe they were going for a classic. They're trying to purposedly make it look like it was made in the 80's, and hence the hideous plot, horrible casting and dialog that sounds like crap. My question: why? I think we all agree some of the best action movies ever belong in the 80's and early 90's. Go no further than Terminator (1984). But the 80's also spawned much, much worse movies. Movies that this one emulates. Memories of them should have been left buried. Plus, this may also remind you of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, if for nothing else, because the SFX is nearly as bad. No rubber suits, but if you believe you can pose-jump out a window and avoid an explosion, you've seen one episode of sentai heroes too many.

But hey, maybe the movie is a satire. Maybe it's supposed to be bad. You know, like Bad Taste (1987) was a satire (or so we choose to believe)? Maybe Junk is a satire to zombie flicks! Well if it is indeed, it's a really very bad one. Shaun of the Dead (2004) is a satire to zombie flicks. Things like Junk and perhaps Braindead (1992), which very closely resembles it only with more gore, are what we like to call "splatters". I hate splatters. I like zombies, but I hate splatters. I assume a fan of Braindead would find this a little flat, even boring, compared to things we've seen in the past from that particular genre. Still, even in its genre, it's a bad effin movie.

Sound? Not so great. Acting? Very poor. Overall, I wish I hadn't seen it.

Weekly Log - 10 through 16

Monday Nov 10

Worked a little on some dungeons, both for my next campaign and an RPG my cousin was planning to program, got up to get the dishwasher going at 4:30 in the AM, found a new anime series to watch (Hanada Shounen-shi) and cursed heavily at the asshole somewhere in my building listening to hip hop loudly enough to raise Tupac from the grave. My brother's TV died as well. Just poof, and stopped working. Dinner was really bland and not a drop of coffee in the house.

Is that all you've got, Monday? HA! I laugh in the face of Murphy! And that is because I am going absolutely batshit psycho!

Tuesday Nov 11

Boooooooored. Took up to playing Phantom Mansion as a break from The Sims. So I've returned to a long-forgotten addiction, puzzle games made with Flash, since I hadn't played one of these in... eons. Well at least it's not online quizzes, right?

Wednesday Nov 12

Went out to check if my brother's schoolbooks had arrived and that was pretty much it. Bored beyond belief here.

Thursday Nov 13

Whenever I think about karma -which is not as usual as you think- I think about balance, and about how my days are either a complete and utter bore, or scripted by Woody Allen... which, for some, would be the same. I wonder if there's an entity somewhere whom someone put in charge of destributing events for the days of mortals in a karmic way: boring days being balanced by eventful days. And when I think of this strange entity, I wonder if s/he's drunk as a freshman while s/he's at it.

I woke up today and decided to take a shower. The gas was going down the drain, literally, so half my shower was cold. There was a pile of clothes in the bathroom begging for garbage disposal, since the washer's still dead and there's little chance of revival. There wasn't a drop of coffee in the house, so I went out to buy some. I got caught up in a discussion at the supermarket over who was ahead of whom on the line, despite the fact I only had one effin item and I was on my rightful place, so the old fart with a cart full of shit behind me had no reason to complain. I was pissed already, hit the coffee shop to buy some smokes and my brand wasn't there, so I had to walk an extra half an hour to get some.

Coming back home, the cats had half destroyed the kitchen, so I started putting it all together as I brewed me some joe. Some retard had installed himself under my bedroom window yelling pop songs to whomever wanted to applaud, and before I could choose between a bucket of water or a nicely tossed potato, he went away. Realizing I had forgotten to open my mailbox, I went downstairs again. Bills, psychic ads, supermarket flyers and a cockroach. Yeah, there was a cockroach inside my mailbox. How the little bugger got there I don't know, but as soon as I got my water bill and saw it, I closed the mailbox again and left it alone. It got in there, it can get out as well.

Finally getting my much longed for coffee, I went back to the bedroom. No answers from the job companies, no news from friends, nothing worth watching on my daily visited websites. Looking around, thought of doing some cleaning up, but much like the washer, the vacuum is also dead, so the more dust I swiped, the more wandered around the air. Someone rang the doorbell, it was an Internet provider salesman, going for interrogation: was I satisfied with my Internet provider? Did I often have download issues? What services had I signed up for? Sent him packing saying I had all the Internet I currently needed, thank you. Another one (from a different company) rang my bell shortly after, much to my dismay. He pretty much realized he should be going when I said "Fuck, again?"

Got news an acquaintance's father died, but since we're not that close and I never met the gentleman (and on one very drunk occasion, I wanted to beat her badly to next week), I don't plan on showing up for the service. Then Mum got home, got news that my grandma has cancer (again) and she's gonna go through surgery (again). I foresee trouble.

Pops called me to put some cash on his cell so I struggled for a good while with the banking site to get it done. It kept freezing due to some sort of maintenance issue. Dinner went by unnoticed, brewed some more coffee, burned myself on the hot water and cursed to kingdom come.

Friday Nov 14

Got news from college: it's fucked. Our Principal approved some sort of budget and they're threatening to either close or privatize all faculties because they've run out of money to pay teachers until Christmas. Great. How in the name of crow am I gonna finish my course now, that is, in case I ever do?

A few years ago, when I was a little kid, you know what line of business my current Principal was in? Making records with children's songs. He recorded these vinyls with kiddie grade songs sang by himself and sold a shitload of them. I even owned some. How do they let this guy approve a budget? He's a kid's entertainer!

Saturday Nov 15

Two of my pals completed 22, one on Thursday and one today. I went out with them and had some dinner. Had fun - couldn't follow them to the bar afterwards because I'm short on cash, and I still have half a month ahead of me. On the way back home, the car broke down too. Wasn't much of a drag because I was within walking distance of my place (unless there's a river in between me and my block, I'm always within walking distance of my place...) but it was the perfect final chuckle to Saturday's end.

Saturday Nov 15

Woke up late, hit The Sims, ate some delicious insta-noodles and brewed coffee. Played D&D. These were the highlights of my Sunday. Ah, and watched two crappy Thai movies I now regret having watched. Why do I even bother with their cinema? It's usually shitty and all the actors seem to have taken courses for mute flicks, because they overact every single time. I may be getting a taste for crappy movies. Which, frankly, is scary.

Downloaded an emulator for Genesis. Downloaded Splatterhouse 2. Washed my hair at 3 in the morn and went to bed.

The Very Model of a Horror Fan in General

You may know this if you ever heard of Pirates of Penzance, and it's by far my favorite song there. This is my version of The Very Model of a Modern Major-General and here's how it goes:

I am the very model of the horror fan in general,
I've information terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I've know the direct frights and others merely metaphorical,
from killer nuts to demon beasts, in order cathegorical.
I am very well acquainted too with matters psychological,
I understand the criminals both simple and illogical,
About old haunted manors I am teeming with a lot o' news -
with many cheerful facts about what's unexplained and what's a ruse!

I'm very good at finding the weak spots in nearly every foe,
I plan my paths with maps and when I find them blocked I curse: "Oh crow!"
In short in matters terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of the horror fan in general.

I know many satanic cults, the Order and tribes cannibal,
I answer the hardest riddles, I've a pretty taste for the spectral.
I quote classical lines from first Silent Hill and first RE,
And for pride, to the departed, I don't ever even bother to plea.
I can tell a Japanese curse from the Korean and Taiwanese,
I know what bullets to spare and which items I can use at ease,
I carry cloves of garlic, two-by-fours and at least one acid round...
and I can whistle the theme from that bloody awful Haunting Ground!

I never found an obstacle I couldn't move, or break, or cross,
and keep in mind somewhere in here there has to be a monster boss,
In short in matters terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of the horror fan in general.

In fact when I know what is meant by "poltergeist" and "ectoplasm"...
When I can tell at sight auspicious fog from the harmless miasm...
When asked for names of deadly aliens, I can name you several...
And when I know precisely what is meant by "Roman Catholic Ritual"...
When I have learned the power of a camera or a led pipe...
When I know even if I kill it, it will soon come back alive...
In short, when I know phones are dead and your car just doesn't wanna start...
You'll say a better horror fan has never showed up on these parts!

For my zombie knowledge, though I haven't ever seen the elder flicks,
it's based on a series of World-Wide-Web daily boredom-driven clicks,
but still in matter terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of a horror fan in general!

Ten Cheap Scenes in Horror

You all know cheap scenes, even if you don't know exactly what I'm talking about. They have been repeated so often they're practically embedded in our genetic code, and even if we don't see it, we know it's gonna happen during the flick at a moment or another. You can even pinpoint the moment when they're gonna show. They're so predictable even a five year old can tell what's going to happen next. These are those irritating scenes directors keep thinking will give them the Oscars... but they're not knew, and not classical. They're just plain irritating.

#10. If someone sounds batshit nuts, they're probably right.
We've all seen this. Bunch of teens stop to ask for directions to the nearest phone, for instance, and a crazy old Crocodile Dundee lookalike tells them there might be one at the old house in the hill, but they don't wanna go there. Old lady in the neighbourhood keeps warning the children not to venture into some house, because there are weevils in there. Paternal figure keeps saying you'd better move out of your new place, because creepy shit happens there at night. No matter who it is, someone is gonna tell you it's a bad call you're making. And you're gonna dismiss it as senility or plain nuts, and go ahead anyway. If someone specifically told you it's a bad idea, why aren't you gonna listen? Because you're so rad? Because it's supersticion? Let me tell you, with all the horror movies I've seen where this happens, I'm very ready to heed to whatever crazy warning I'm given.

Also, why is it that when they're in a group, there's always a guy (or, most commonly a girl, and most commonly the sole survivor later on too) that thinks that "Maybe the old fart is right...", and all their friends laugh and usually say the best ironical sentence ever in a horror movie: "There are no such things as ghosts". Which proves perfect when they're precisely the first bastards to die.

#9. Weird shit you can't see, but it turns up in pictures and mirrors.
We're all perfectly alright, having fun, someone brought a cam and they're taking pictures. And the night goes by undisturbed. It's the next morning, when you pick up the pictures at the store, you see the lady dressed in white peeking from the back of your group picture, or the blur in front of the faces of who's marked to die, or the phantasmagorical ropes around the necks of people who are gonna get killed horribly within a period of time, one by one. An alternate way, is to see the weird shit in mirrors and reflective surfaces, like the ghost you've been giving a piggy back ride to during the whole movie, the freak crawling towards you, your own reflection not doing the same movements you're doing or any other sort of creepy stuff.

For some reason, human eye can't always detect danger. You either carry a hand mirror with you at all times for safety, or take your digital cam with you everywhere. Of course, by the time you detect most of this shit, it's usually too late. Recently, to these objects, the cellphone was added. One Missed Call influences, most likely.

#8. She's running away, but at some point, she's gonna trip and fall.
On the school of "running the Hell away", there are several clichés that apply. First, it's most likely a woman who's gonna run away. For men are brave and will attempt to kill the murderer / monster / ghost, and be killed horribly or spirited away in the process. Then, you know that instead of running outside, which would be logical for the most of us since whatever it is, it's inside, she's gonna run upstairs, where jumping out the windows will result in broken legs and where, most often, there is no kitchen, and thus no knives, cutlers and other likely weapons. Recently we've also seen a school of thought that thinks it's cuter if they're running away in their underwear or pajamas, or other forms of small clothing, like miniskits and tank tops. Frankly, I'd be safe here. if I'm in the house I'm likely to be wearing a sports outfit, and therefore, ready to run on command.

But to top it all, these stupid bitches aren't even able to run properly, because at some point, they're gonna trip on their own feet and come crashing down. And of course, instead of getting up and keep running without looking back, they'd rather sit and pathetically back away from the looming threat. I'd understand if they were running, let's say, in wet tiles. In a forest, where stones and roots are just waiting to be tripped on. Or running while wearing socks. Or up the stairs, people are likely to miss the step and come tumbling down, that'd be logical. But no. They may be wearing sneakers, running on a dry concrete floor, no carpets or obstacles: they'll still trip and fall down face first. Another good one is when they trip on the -ohmagawd!- bodies of their dead friends, which for some reason, they didn't see while running forward. Probably because they're dumb and are looking over their shoulder.

#7. Let's split up and see what that was / find an exit!
Ok, there's six of us or more. There was a noise somewhere. Or there's an old house / cave / area to explore. Or we're suddenly locked inside and can't get out. Let's split up!

Anyone will tell you, in whatever case, splitting up is a bad idea. Anyone with a little brains will let you know splitting up is asking not to escape the threat. So even if one or two of us find a likely exit, they can't get the eff out, because they gotta go back to seek their estranged friends. Plus, you hold a better chance against whatever's chasing you if you stick in a group! There's a killer on the loose? Fine. The killer's one and you're six, why the Hell are you afraid? There's six of you! If each of you has a chair or 2-by-4, your killer's toast! If the threat's a monster who can likely overpower you all, don't you think more than one people is likely to hold doors closed for longer or be able to drag obstacles in the way to protect yourselves? Besides, if your monster does catch the slowest of you, he's gonna be busy for a while, and you'll have time to run away safely. It's basic survival: you don't need to outrun the monster so as long as you outrun someone else. So there's a ghost or demon. Again: the sooner you find a way the fuck out, the better, so sticking together saves time. And if you're versed in horror, you know ghosts and demons only attack small groups, they never show up when there's a lot of people around. Why split up?!

Splitting up is a good way for whatever's trying to kill you, to kill you faster. You're all gonna get done in one by one, while you screech your brains out and attract yet another person or people to their death.

#6. Devices that won't work when they're needed the most.
Your car won't start when you wanna make like an egg and beat it. All the cord phones in the house are dead, and your cellphone very conveniently has a low battery charge or no network. The power's off due to the storm and the elevators and electrical doors won't work. Your flashlight also went off either because the battery's fried or it broke while you were running away, tripped on your feet and fell. Why is it that whenever you seriously need the aid of a device, it's not working? The car is the one that really gets to me: it was working fine a few hours ago, why is it not now?

The stupid part of this happens when the car is dead, and you'll just keep trying. The zombie horde is closing in, and you can probably outrun zombies, or at the very least, find a safe place to hide from them. But you're just going to keep turning that key and getting the chug-chug-chug of an engine begging for burial. Or worse yet: it will start, alright, by the time whatever's chasing you is so close, they can hitchhike on your car and send you in a crazy driving run at random, where you're trying to knock them off and not crash into anything at the same time.

By the way, why is it always a car? You never see anyone attempting to escape on a bicycle, thought it's probably easier. Bikes sometimes go where cars cannot, and they won't run out of fuel unless you just can't pedal anymore. Even if you fall down, you're most likely to survive a bike crash than a car crash. And the marvel of marvels: it can't not run unless it was wrecked to begin with, in which case you'll see immediately it's not worth the try!

#5. Nobody ever believes you.
You can tell your folks, your friends and your co-workers that there's an insane monster trying to kill you in your dreams. You can tell your best half you're being chased around by ghosts. You can tell the police you know someone was killed horribly in this or that place, or that you know there are aliens going about in the sewer, or that there's a killer on the loose. But nobody, except your dog and possibly the aforementioned "crazy" person in the neighborhood will believe you. They'll dismiss everything somehow: you're tired, so you're having weird dreams, or you should visit a doctor because you're way too anxious, or that it was the wind, your imagination, air in the pipes and someone playing a prank on you. You know very well it's not. But they won't believe you. Nobody will believe you. Ever.

I think this is why so many heros and main characters choose to kill the monster / solve the ghost's unfinished business / catch the murderer. Because that way not only will they be able to get rid of the threat, but also call everyone that didn't believe them and rub it in their faces. It's not a matter of survival so much as a matter of hurt pride!

#4. Something scared the bejeezus outta me, but it's nothing serious.
If you're in a horror movie, you're gonna be scared. That's the point. Sometimes, however, the people who live with or near you don't help so much either. You've realized there is something wrong and you're on your toes. And this is precisely when the phone rings and makes you shit your pants. Or when your best friend approaches silently, and instead of calling out to you, pokes your shoulder and makes you jump out of your skin. Or better still, it was just the cat.

What's funny is that precisely when you breathe out slowly and think "It's the stupid cat...", something serious WILL scare the bejeezus out of you!

#3. Oh my sweet tapdancing crow, it's behind you!
How often have you seen a killer open a door in front of you? How often did the ghost pop in next to you? It's more common, but it doesn't happen so often anymore. And how many times did you see monsters charging towards you at a 45º angle? No: it's always behind you they are.

I think human beings are dead scared of whatever's on their back. Our eyes are placed so that we have a field of vision directly in front of us, slightly to the sides and up and down, but there's no way you can look behind you unless you're in front of a mirror, or looking over your shoulder. That's why it's useful to sit in front of each other in a restaurant or coffee shop. You can watch each other's back. Predators are also likely to go for your back. So you pretty much know where it's gonna come from. Installing a pair of rearview mirrors on your shoulders IS an option, and it would also be useful for the weird crap that you can only see on the mirrors (see above)...

#2. It's dead, but it's not.
It's over! You solved the mystery, you killed the killer, you blew up the monster, you got to a shelter from the zombie horde where they can't possibly get you. You're safe now. No need to worry anymore. Right? Bull. Because eventhough you THINK you killed it, it's still alive and will rise to get you, or some other group of people, again. Sometimes, it's not dead, it was just playing games. Other times it got out of dodge the last minute. Or the ghost is still pissed, eventhough you figured the reason why, and now you're gonna pay for what others did. This happens, of course, because the threat needs to be kept alive for the sequels. And in some cases, we just gotta admit the motherfucker isn't gonna stay dead no matter what (take Jason, for instance. There is no way to kill this guy without him coming back somehow. He can even get you in effin' SPACE, man!).

Even more ridiculous is the sort when you kill it, and the minute you turn your back, it's alive again. Evil never dies, etc etc. Or worse still, there's more than one and you didn't know: remember the Alien saga?

#1. Building up tension to open a door or closet, but there's nothing in there.
These are not only completely anti-climatic, but also last forever. Someone heard a noise in a room, they're looking for the source, and then painfully slowly, they begin to make their way to the closet or door in the room, take a huge deep breath, and open it...! Only there's nothing inside but junk. This is similar to #4, but because it takes so long to happen, it rises to become the most irritating cheap scene ever made. While she (usually a woman, of course) moves towards the closet or door, we're even treated to her very fake scared face. Come the crow on.

First and foremost, who in their right mind will check an unknown closet or door, while alone in the house, with the lights off, after hearing a noise? Man, I'd lock that door and wait for the morn! If more noised ensued, I'd call the cops! I mean, you're a young woman, home alone, and there's a noise. You're gonna go check? Or at least, are you gonna go unarmed? At least pick a crowdamned knife or baseball bat! Furthermore, I think it's widely known, if you have a suspicion there's something in the house, police usually advises for you NOT to go check, but either call the cops (oh wait, I bet the cellphone's dead and the power lines are off, so you can't really make phone calls, right?) or get the Hell out of the house and look for help (ah but you live in the middle of nowhere in this creepy huge manor and the car's dead too huh?). Of course, going to the second floor is probably just as good!

Weekly Log - 3 through 9

Monday Nov 03

Got a call from one of the job agencies, they're looking for someone for a deco and furniture warehouse (it's not IKEA, but strongly resembles it). It's a part-time, with no set schedule or free days. And it should pay around the 200-300 euros, which sucks in general but it's rather good for 4 hours a day, and it's still better than nothing... and at least it's not a call-center. I agreed to go to the agency headquarters to fill in my profile. Thing is, the agency is in Setubal, which is pretty far from here, but I'm confident the train will take me there somehow... there's a line swap, but nothing I haven't done in the past. The trip to Moscavide by train to attend the Anipop '06 was much trickier. And at least I'm doing something other than vegetating in front of the PC...

Tuesday Nov 04

Dragged my sorry hide to Setubal to speak with the job agency. Pops gave me a lift there, which was kinda cool of him to do, seeing as it's a one hour and a half ride by train, and slightly less by car. Of course in a car it's less cheap but then again, it's not me paying. Of course there was an ulterior motive to this ride. It's 45 minutes, give or take, from here to Setubal. I spent 45 minutes listening to Pops carry on about how I need to get my driver's license. He doesn't care that I don't have a car, or the means to support one. As soon as we got there, I sent him off and said I'd take the train back. Another 45 minutes and I'd be running a muck inside that vehicle.

I hate cars so much right now.

Anyways, grabbed a cup o' joe on the nearby coffee shop and went in to fill my paperwork. Now I wait for the interview.

Wednesday Nov 05

Well, didn't have to wait for long. The agency called again and told me to go to an interview tomorrow at four. Let's see if I can nail this piece of crap.

Thursday Nov 06

I bumped into a ghost on the bus. This stuff happens when heading to your old neighborhood in search of new opportunities. Here's a guy I hadn't seen in 8 years now, all grown-up, unemployed, looking for a job just like me. Makes me wonder why the heck did I even bother with college, if I was gonna end up on the same place as if I had never enrolled. Few of them usually talk to me. When I meet these acquaintances they most often pretend not to see me, or don't see me at all. This guy actually came up and spoke to me, and asked me what I was doing. It's the second time I find myself in this sort of situation and in both cases, said acquaintances hoped I was doing a little better in my life. Well, crow. Murphy happens.

When two of us get together and start comparing how each of us thought the other would be, we get depressed as Hell. Makes me feel like listening to crappy emo songs. Fortunately I come to my senses quickly before browsing either Juliana Theory or Thrice on YouTube. And no, I never lowered myself to listening to Tokyo Hotel. If I did that, I would have a good reason to slit my wrists too.

But either way, I went to the interview, waited a shitload of time to get in there, told them that yes I have some experience as a teller, and no I don't mind working Sundays as long as I get my two free days a week, and yes I'm available to work in shifts, and no I don't give in easily to the season's stress. They're scared I'm gonna lose it because of the Christmas crowd? My good people, I worked in a car inspection center. We had a season-like crowd every end of the month for ten to twelve days. I learned to type twice as fast, multi-task like no other, and keep my smile painted on through thick and thin. There is no season's crowd that can possibly spook me at this point.

Of course I didn't say this.

Friday Nov 07

Well, another dud. How much do you need to know and learn to be a teller, I wonder. I can operate a money box. I can reach the workplace on time. During all my working life I never missed a day's work. Still, that seemingly means nothing when applying.

Another day, another bowl of bull.

Saturday Nov 08

Went out to meet a friend and had a great time. Got another set of dice to replace a few I have which aren't rollable anymore. If you don't think a dice can get smooth edges you're not rolling them often enough. Eventually, they don't roll as well. Plus, I love dice.

Sunday Nov 09

So, so, so bored...

'Hanada Shounen-shi'

I hadn't watched a funny anime for a while. Some of them have funny bits and scenes, but this is 90% funny. Hanada Shounen-shi is about Hanada Ichiro, who is a regular pest in the village where he lives. He terrifies neighbours, their pets and even wilderness animals. Whenever there's trouble, the surrounding folk always goes to the Hanada house first because they're sure, one way or another, Ichiro is involved. One day, while running away from a scolding from his mother, Ichiro is hit by a car, and as such gets nine stitches on the back of his head. Having nine stitches at age nine is seemingly a bad omen, and Ichiro suddenly gains the power to see ghosts. The downside of this is, first, Ichiro is dead scared of ghosts, and second, they all start coming to him to take care of their unfinished business. The first (and sole) season is 25 episodes long, and it's a nice mix between slice of life, comedy and the paranormal. While it gets mellow at times, the funny bits largely compensate for it. And since Ichiro is a regular pest, there are plenty of opportunities to. And this little guy gets in the strangest situations! There's a ghost who likes boobies so much he won't cross to the other side without rubbing his face in them at least once! And of course, Ichiro can't say no, or he'll be haunted.

Directed by Kojima Masayuki, also responsible for Monster, the style is classical 70's anime, eventhough it was released in 2002. The soundtrack is heavily borrowed from other places (including the opening and ending, which sadly were borrowed from Backstreet Boys. Seriously, why? I'm sure there were far better songs in the market to use here than Drowning and The One), but mostly very fitting. I also loved the dubbing very much: whoever watched Card Captor Sakura (and why have you?) will recognize Ichiro's voice from the character Shaoran Li. that's Motoko Kumai, also responsible for the voice of the Baseball Boy in Paranoia Agent and a few minor rolls in both Yakitate!! Japan and the Ninja Scroll series. Mika Kanai, who dubbed Alice for several Bloody Roar games and a shitload of anime series (she was in two Doraemon movies, a few H series including Elven Bride, Pokemon, you name it) does Rinko in this (though you'll probably only notice in the later episodes, since it's not a main character, but one of utmost importance).

You know, it always baffles me how these japanese "Dennis the Menace" kids speak to their parents. If I called my mother "old hag" at any given moment in my childhood, I'm convinced she'd break both my arms and I wouldn't dare to do it again. Sure, nowadays it happens at times we call each other names, but it's different and we're only kidding about. I also love the way that seemingly japanese children at this point were lectured and beat up by parents, teachers and even complete strangers when they're doing something they shouldn't. I mean, it's portrayed in a series of anime series, I don't know exactly how accurate it is... but believe me, it's a riot. When I was a kid and we sometimes met my teachers at the supermarket, my Mum would learn all the dirt firsthand, sure, but from there to them lecturing me over something in her presence... I don't think she'd allow that. Why I used to have a teacher in grade school who pulled the ears from kids who refused to obey her, and my Mum was the first to say that if it ever happened to me, she'd run the teacher over with the car...

At any rate, I'm not really going to spoil anything for you, other than there's an episode in this which is really effin sad (there are several, but this was the one that actually got to me... possibly because of the cat), so have a tissue ready, both to blow your nose and clean the tears from laughter you're gonna get watching Hanada Shounen-shi.

YouTube Wednesday with a remix

I loved this. It's great. Reminds me of those old song/film themes you used to hear on the late 70's and 80's (remember the movie Flash? And how Queen put some of the movie quotes on the song itself?) I was particularly surprised with Celeborn's part at 1.14, since it fits the song like a glove. Very well done and worth a good deal of chuckles. This is They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard!, remix by Erwin Beekveld.

Weekly Log - 27 through 2

Monday Oct 27

Mondays: they suck on toe jam. Hard. On toe jam.

Tuesday Oct 28

Job interview! Dragged my sorry ass to a mall to go to a job interview minding a shoe store. Somehow I don't think I'm gonna get the job. I saw the other girl who was applying for it - you know how it is with stores, they're looking for the most attractive face as applications go. Bet any of you a beer if I go to the store next week, I'll find the girl who was waiting for the interview aside me working there.

It's cold as crow today, the wind was picking up bad. I was glad I left my window shut and the blinds pulled all the way down. I can see wind like this breaking glass... too late did I remember I didn't have my jacket with me. Which proved to be more troublesome than merely being unprotected against the elements, as my house keys are in the jacket's pocket. I managed to open both doors, the building's and the house door, with a credit card. I shit you not. I opened both with a standard credit card like those they send you on the mail hoping you'll subscribe. This will surely be a good reminder to lock the door and double-check the bag for my keys before leaving the house. Waiting half an hour for a bus in the fuckin' cold did a good number for my throat alright. Hope I'm not getting ill...

Wednesday Oct 29

I'm ill. There's a quarter gallon snot stuck somewhere between my nostrils and forehead, my throat feels like I swallowed a living cat who tried to fight his way back up and I'm sore all over. I don't know why. Remember that commercial for hair conditioner, with a gorilla entering the house at night and messing with the guy's hair? I feel like a gorilla came in to mess with my hair and decided to beat the shit out of me instead. Hair was fine in the morning, it's the rest of the body that took the blow!

Comic updates: a series of Wolverine mini-series and one-shots, some as old as 1982 (uuh vintage...), a Forgotten Realms comic adaptation for R.A. Salvatore's Homeland, published by DDP (the style is remarkably like the Witchblade comic books I used to own... speaking of which, where the fuck are those? I checked my collection and realized I'm missing some comics...) I stumbled upon the torrent while looking for a .pdf D&D book called Drow of the Underdark, and since I'm reading the book, might as well check it out. What else? Oh, this is good shit: 244 numbers of Hellblazer. (because it takes a lot of canon Vertigo comics to wash my eyes from the movie adaptation of it) This oughta keep me busy for, oh... a week? Three days?

Thursday Oct 30

Bored again, so I took up to watching American Idol on the 'net. For the record, I never saw the show before, I had no clue as to who Clay Aiken was until a while ago (other than I hated to hear him sing), and I don't usually watch this sort of show. But alas, bored, and some parts of this, competition apart, were a riot. Much like half the world, I watch it for the bad auditions. I shouldn't have done it actually, because after hearing some guy singing Ain't no Sunshine, I am pretty sure something died in the world of music. It died and it's rotting under the carpet. And frankly, Simon let him off the hook easy peasy. I'd have said so much worse.

Friday Oct 31

Happy Halloween to those who actually celebrate it. Happy All Hallows Eve to most Europe and Happy Samhain Night to everyone else. I went out for a drink (or two... or three) with the guys to some middle eastern-style bar. We smoked sheesha, which is pretty cool and gave origin to a lot of jokes right there and then. Pretty sweet, but it probably helped fuck up my throat even further (well that or the two hours we spent afterwards talking in the freezing cold outside, or both). All in all it was a great night though and Ak'Bar is 100% approved. They also make a mean coffee and rum milkshake.

Saturday Nov 01

I had plans to meet some other friends today, had to cancel them, stay home and cook up something to get rid of this stupid ache. Started playing ForumWarz, which is a game pretty much based off real life if you ever sail your way to one of the 'Chan.

Sunday Nov 02

Bored, bored, bored. Cooked, ate, drank beer (4 cans) and discovered my copy of Okami doesn't run. Battled with the console for about an hour and a half, until I gave up and decided I was gonna have to find myself another copy. It pisses me off, because it's not a first, and it was an original copy as well. Is anyone getting this shit as well? My Silent Hill 2 sometimes freezes after entering the Silent Hill Historical Society (and it's a second copy of the game. The first I owned died the same way) and Soul Calibur 2 froze often after picking some characters for a VS match. Which is another reason why I love bootlegs. I have the original thing, it's not working, burn a copy, use the same save file. Balls if I'm going to buy another copy of a game I already have.

'Memory'

Memory is a Thai movie that debuted on May this year, and this is about all I know as facts are concerned. The movie ins't listed on most databases online (at least not the ones in English. I can't speak for the Thai ones) and seemingly hasn't received much attention. (thank you to the good people at Bloody Asia for pointing it out) While I do believe many people would freely call this a horror flick (and it was officially listed as Mystery / Pyschological Thriller in several sources), I find it not scary but quite interesting. In it, a young psychiatrist named Krit (Ananda Everingham) is given the task to find out what in Hell is going on with Phrae, a little girl suspect of being a victim of abuse by her mother, Ingorn (Mai Charoenpura, highly acclaimed Thai sweethwart). While Ingorn is in her right to deny that her daughter is consulted by a physician, she can't deny that Phrae sees a psychiatrist, and slowly Krit starts peeling away the several layers of screw-up that compose the psyche of both mother and daughter, while at the same time falling dangerously in love with the mother. While the last seven words of the previous sentence would be enough to disencourage me from watching it (I can't stand soaps) and frankly the movie could do well without it, it still managed to keep my attention for the most part of it.

As usual, spoilers will be distributed for free, so go ahead and grab yours.

There are points in Memory that I like a lot, I really do. There are also points in Memory whose guts I hate, I really do. See they had a good solid base for a nice thriller, and the mix is old and proved righ: a little girl is being disturbed by a ghost, only there is no ghost at all, what happens is, her mother is giving her Hell. Remember how bad Hide and Seek (2005) was? Well this is the same sort, only done better, and without Dakota Fanning. Then you add your usual caregiver / psychiatrist with a few skeletons in the closet on his personal life that make him worry about his patient at a personal level. (where did I see this before? Could it be, oh, Fragiles (2005), with Calista Flockhart as a doped-up, depressive nurse?) You have two nice plotlines ruined in two different filmes right there (the only problems with Fragiles were that Flockhart didn't die and the dialog made you cringe, otherwise it wasn't so bad).

At a point, Memory also attempts to make you see Ingorn's sisde of the story. Sure, she's a cow that makes her daughter's life into living Hell, she twists her arms and rips off her hair, (also, Phrae is actually a boy at the end of the flick, so dressing her kid up as the opposite gender for a lifetime is perhaps both the most ridiculous and humilliating thing a mother could think of doing), but all she wants is her best... besides, Ingorn may not be in her right mind, she was raped by her father, it's her and Phrae against the world and all, yadda yadda yadda. Get outta here. Ingorn is a stupid bitch and anyone who watches this will agree. Anyone who will break a boy's head on grounds they don't want their son or daughter playing with him, is absolutely off in the brains. And tossing yourself off a building with your kid? And killing people with arsenic? She lost the "victim" status as soon as she poisoned that cup of coffee. (on a more personal level, for crow's sake, if you're gonna poison someone, give them coco or something! Who in their right mind soils a nice cup of coffee like that?!)

And of course, you also get your daily dose of bullshit. Your share of bull, part of a balanced breakfast or midnight snack, comes in the form of a "dream within a dream" sequence, and the mellowest, most gut-wrenching dramatic moment of the flick. The first occurs right after Krit sleeps with Ingorn. Which, by the by, we're not positive he did. At the end of the movie he speaks about two realites: one that is "real" and one we imagine to make us happy, and most of you will agree, bedding Ingorn is probably a fantasy. Both because they return to being formal right the next scene and because Ingorn effin hates men. What happens is, Krit awakens from the sex (fantasy) into a dream where Ingorn is approaching him with a razor, then wakes up from that dream into another one where she's shaving him and slits his throat. Then he really wakes up. There is nothing half as facepalm inducing as these stupid sequences. They were the shit back in the day, movies had them by the gallon. They were dead for nowadays, why the fuck would someone want to bring them back?

The gut-wrenching drama is at the end of the movie, shortly before Ingorn tries to check if cookie people can fly. Krit chased her up a building and says everything will be alright, and he's gonna take care of her and Phrae, and Ingorn is an inch away of accepting. The camera swirls around them showing him, and her, then him, then her, then him, and then her, and then her feet as she moves forward, and then the shit hits the fan. When I saw this, I actually thought it'd end here and thus classifyable as a hideous effin ending. For some reason I can't ascertain asian cinema has a lot of this stuff.

And since we're adressing this sequence, let me tell you producers were in a rush to finish the movie. Either that, or script writers messed up bad and decided to fast forward to the tragic ending to get the flick off their backs as soon as possible. Ingorn attempts to poison Krit. He miraculously survives. And I understand why this is needed: for us to learn what sort of secrets make Krit so clingy to this woman and her daughter, for us to learn Ingorn didn't leave her husband, she killed him, and a series other dark little secrets. It's too fast, though. In the same ten minutes, Krit nearly dies, recovers from the poison, remembers the girlfriend he's been talking to is part of his imagination because she's dead, learns Ingorn was abused as a child, that she killed her husband and moves on to catch her. Ten minutes! You take your eyes from the screen to find where you left your beverage and you don't know what the heck's happening anymore!

Well. That pretty much wraps up the plot. It has nice stuff, but a good deal of bull as well. Reminds me of American flicks, somehow.

As acting is concerned, I did some browsing around and found out that Ananda Everingham is pretty much the Thai Johnny Depp. Seriously, google his name for images and tell me he isn't being promoted a la Depp. Plus, he featured four movies last year and five this year. Someone's awfully popular. He was good in this part, I can't really tell if he's really like Johnny Depp and pretty much plays some weird version of himself on every movie, because I'd never heard about him until a few days ago. Or rather, I watched a movie with him, Shutter (2004) but frankly it was a good while ago and I didn't even notice it was him. So my task for the following weeks is finding a decent link to Shutter and go check it out. I can tell even less for Mai Charoenpura, though I liked her part in this very much. My five Rs go to the kid playing Phrae, whose name I couldn't find anywhere. Movie had a lot of baggage for a little kid, and seeing as he spends 99% of the movie dressed as a girl and convincing the audience he is one, tell me this wasn't a Hell of a role.

Music is a little cut out here, doesn't add or take anything from the flick. It's the "meh" kind of soundtrack. You hardly notice it apart from this or that dramatic tune. Dialog was pretty good, I usually expect worse from this sort of film, but I have to say this was kind of decent.

Overall, it's a nice movie to watch when you have nothing to do, if you don't expect to be wow'd. I'd recommend it to those who don't mind the romance getting in the way of, and often drifting attention from, the plot at hand.