Weekly Log - 23 through 29

Monday Nov 23

Welcome to tension city, population me. Remember how I gotta be out of my place by the end of the month? Yeah, me too. And it's killing me since the walls aren't even painted yet! We bagged a shitload of things and started carrying them across the street, but there's still a lot to be moved, I don't have a closet, the house still needs a lot of work and I have no idea by which miracle I will pull this.

I'm usually the queen of leaving at the last minute and still getting there on time. It's happened in the past to leave home at 07:38 for the 07:45 bus and make it, showered, dressed, with my face on and cursing like a sailor to whatever Gods will hear me, but still get to work on time. Crow knows I've pulled insane miracles in the past. Where I'll pull this one from and how much it'll hurt coming out, that's what I'm worried about. And they won't let me take days off from work, you know... in any circumstance. So even if I wanted to clear up a Friday to get shit done faster, no cigar. Shit creek. Paddle fell off about 3 miles of rapids ago.

I wrote down an agenda for the next few days, trying to get organized, but you know what's been said about the best laid plans of mice and men. And quoting René Artois in 'Allo 'Allo, "I think this plan was laid by a mouse".

On the work department... they gave me the briefing for a new survey campaign I'm supposed to begin in, as soon as they can find the error that's keeping me out of the program. This particular campaign scares me more than that scene in the made-for-TV version of Ju-On where there's a building littered with disturbing-sounding, white-clad, in serious need of a hairbrush ghost ladies. This is a survey meant for clients that have abandoned the bank and we wanna know why.

It's basically the telemarketing way of asking "Why don't you love me anymore?" and "Will you come back if I pleasure you with my mouth?"

I used to do something similar in another telemarketing gig. We called it SOS, likely because that's what operators wrote on the center windows once they knew they had to login to that campaign. It was shortly before I left the place, and contributed for a faster skedaddle on my part. That was, in short, the most miserable, heart and ear-wrecking, gut-turning, up-chucking, mind-blasting, mood-fucking, butt-raping experience I had in my professional life. And that's in short. Don't ask how it was in long.

For the moment, though, I'll be auditing. So maybe I can feel up the terrain before plunging in head first. Let's see how this one turns out.

Tuesday Nov 24

Tomorrow, I have a date with Pops to buy paint. Some furniture will have to wait and so will lamps. I think I might make it. It's a bad race and most of the other horses are ahead, but I think I can make it.

Wednesday Nov 25

It never rains, but boy does it pour! Flooded streets, plus the usual motherfucker driver who runs right through the water puddles to get the people waiting at the bus stop soaked (how I wish I saw one of these slam into a post right after doing it...), wet from my knees down for the best part of my way back home. It's still my kind of weather.

In the morning, I bought paint. Pops gave me and the cans a lift back, but didn't even enter the building to check the place. Not for lack of invitation form my part. Screw him.

Work = dull. No access yet, due to the same error, so I can't work. I spent my day doing e-Learning on money laundering and terrorism financing. Great. Yeah because Portugal may be hit with a terrorist attack, or house terrorists attacking other places! We're this big, important, worldwide potency and all! Get outta here... we're not even in allied relations with a big, important, worldwide potency. We're a few square miles of bullshit planted by the sea, with decent beaches, awesome food and old glories to our name, flag and hymn. And we're taking measures against terrorism because crow only knows what would happen if the Al-Qaeda got a hold of our codfish recipes!

That's like a mouse getting measures in case he ever gets attacked by a tiger.

Anyway, Al Capone coined the term "money laundering", and I'm a big fan of ol' Scarface, so I didn't mind much spending four hours of my existence on this Earth taking a course about how it's done. At least I'm not looking at center walls.

Since I got the paint, I also bought a new pair of boots. My old ones are great to wear while painting: they're old, worn out, in need of retirement. They've plenty of miles on their soles. And I found a decent pair at less than €20 a pair. Pretty nifty. Back in the day, I paid more for my old ones.

I also took care of my electricity bill. It's in my name now. Or at least, from now on.

Thursday Nov 26

Mum asked Pops the car, loaded it with a lot of stuff, her dog and a cat, and drove off to leave stuff on the South, and bring back a counter, a couch and two chairs we'll be using for the time being.

...I'm gonna miss my cat. I don't have the time or funds to keep them both... I had to choose one or the other. After a lot of hesitation, I picked Kafka. My elder car is more used to Mum... and he won't run away, since he's fixed, while Kafka would disappear in seconds.

My cat was with me nearly ten years, though. I'll miss him, I know. I was sad to see him go.

I recorded a video of him on my cellphone yesterday. Eating pizza (fuck cheezburger, amirite?) And this morning, Mum placed him in the box, and drove off just like that... long goodbyes isn't my style, you know? Even for a cat... especially for a cat. He's getting old as well and... that might've influenced my choice. If he dies of old age, he better do it far away from me.

Anyway... at work, I'm auditing still. Same login error, and I'm stranded listening to others communicate.

Friday Nov 27

I moved the washer to my kitchen, assembled my new (old) couch and placed in the counter-slash-bar. Both things kindly donated by my grandfather. With the headaches he gave me, he might as well contribute... plus, the furniture wasn't serving.

I went to a furniture shop to check for possibilities of getting me the bed I wanted. Only in January, though. For the moment, we keep as we are. Ceiling lamps may have to wait a while as well. We carried a lot of clothing and cutlery to the place, putting it in place will have to wait until we get the kitchen clean.

Weekend Nov 28 - 29

I had two friends over to help with the painting, and we managed to do some work and have some fun. Disassembling the old closet on my brother's new bedroom was particularly satisfying. On Sunday, I was back again: Mum found a way to skip work, we painted another room, we cleaned the kitchen, we got the dishes and glasses in place. Tired, cold and sleepy.

I hope we have enough money to get through it...

Weekly Log - 16 through 22

Monday Nov 16

A rainy, windy morning. I'm still trying to go through the Depeche Mode hangover: I can't hear properly, I can't move very well, and I lost my train pass.

I realized it was Monday when Mum woke me up hollering on the phone that I had to get €400 more to fully repay Pops and I had to do it now. I gathered my shit and off I go: withdrew the cash, did some grocery shopping, called Pops to pick up the cash. Pops seems to have the same impression of money I do: he picked up the bills and said it was just a bunch of stupid papers, only we couldn't live without it.

At the train station, I decided to take care of my pass. I didn't tell Mum I lost it. Why should I? It's my pass... Pops did let me keep some change from the amount I withdrew, so I'm in the clear to get a new one. During the next week, I should have the rental contract in hand. And once I do, I'll be changing the names on water and electricity. The painting begins... and I move. To my own place.

Tuesday Nov 17

Tuesday. Much to my protest, I got up and got to the bus. I'm having some trouble sleeping lately.

Nothing much to report about the day itself. The work's still slow, I get whole hours of complete, utter silence. After hours, I picked my pass, finally. The mess continues.

Wednesday Nov 18

Even slower... now I get a contact every hour. Gives me time to study the commercial campaigns. I don't know when I'm beginning with them, or if I will be.

Thursday Nov 19

My place is now officially mine. I have a five year contract in my pocket and the keys in hand. Now to get the water and electricity going and start carrying shit in. We've gotta be out by the end of the month. Ten days, give or take. Oh brother, will this be bad.

Work... is a snail at this point. Another quiz-slash-exercise about products. Me, the girls who got in a bit ago, and the ones who got in at the same time as me. It's a pain in the butt. I'm glad it's at least a pain in my butt I get paid for. With things as are, let it ache. At least until I get a better offer.

I'm starting to wonder how I'll fit my stuff inside the house... both how I'll organize it, where it'll fit and sit, and also how I'll carry it. See, Kid Bro threw the predicted tantrum and wants to keep the bigger room. My original plans for placing stuff went to Hell. And since he's keeping the room with the closet, I'll have to buy one for myself... when he does have a closet at this point and could as well keep it.

So, some of you might wonder... why did I give in to the room? And why, since we're at it, did I so easily accept the fact Kid Bro won't be helping much with the moving? Shouldn't I be shouting a lot? No. No, I shouldn't. See, what my brother just did, was give me time. I'll have to take care of the whole house on my own. If I have the smaller room, I have less to clean up. See... I'm not touching Kid Bro's bedroom with a ten foot pole! I'm not making his bed, I'm not cleaning, dusting or tidying up, I am not painting walls again, I'm not fixing anything. And frankly, I'm not moving furniture around from the moment I put it down! He doesn't wanna contribute in placing, carrying, cleaning, painting and decorating... well, too bad. I'll just have to do things my way... and the house is in my name, so... my will be done.

Friday Nov 20

I went to the water central, hoping to have the aforementioned up and running by this afternoon still. I lost my time... since the water's already on!

So... how come nobody noticed?

Because nobody opened a bloody tap, that's why! Whenever I think I wanted to open a tap to see how the water pressure was, and I didn't because they told me the house had no running water yet... I could've begun cleaning up a week ago...

One week ago. Crow I feel dumb.

Today is Friday, and this particular Friday shall be remembered as the day when Seion re-learned the meaning of the word "boredom". I finished my assignments at work in full by 14h53, which would be an hour away from break and about two and a half away from release... with absolutely jack to do, super told me to start looking about the products... which I already did. She told me to look at the commercial campaigns. Which I did as well on the course of the past week. Defeated, she told me to look around the place's inner website. So Seion started sailing with no wind around the website, in a sea of complete, relentless, absolute tedium for two hours, quickly finishing the few interesting pages... and then moving on to the fatally boring ones.

And I do mean fatally boring. I read the legislation procedures and protocols of the bank nearly end to end. By the time I was done, not even crow knows how my spleen didn't attempt to escape my body in hopes of salvation, killing me in the process. Alas, I am still alive and in full possession of rational thought. Or so I think. This is how I know I could've never been an attorney.

Anyway: my weekend began, I have a dinner party to attend, shit to do, people waiting for me. Let's move.

Weekend Nov 21 - 22

The dinner party was cool, running through a period of uncoolness in which due to a steep climb to reach the bars, Seion's stomach threw a tantrum and decided to stop working. This culminated in her throwing up on the street. Ah, the good old days.

Coolness returned with copious amounts of alcohol of various kinds, a climb down Lisbon for the boats and a lot of singing on the way. It was a nice weekend.

Weekly Log - 09 through 15

Monday Nov 09

I've begun picking colors for my walls and settled for white, pearl, papyrus and cherry red for Kid Bro's bedroom, since he requested a tone of red darker than mine is right now, and he hasn't taken fifteen minutes to check a color. It sticks as I do, then. My second quest has been to upgrade Ubuntu 8.04 to 9.04, without much success also. I can't burn a proper LiveCD, likely because my drive is fucked.

Work peaked at its slowest: I got four useful calls, and out of those, four surveys to a 100% hit ratio. For shame. It's a disappointment to the new girls auditing me, they're bored as Hell. Welcome to my Life.

Tour of the Universe draws ever nearer. I have a place to work in, and I know the first few months will be tricky, with Mum changing jobs and all. I got news a friend of mine has gotten a hold of a secure position at his company, so shit's actually starting to look up.

Here's to hoping it's not looking up because it's about to fall flat on its back.

Tuesday Nov 10

Mum got herself a dog. Yeah. Again. A dalmatian. She says she needs a dog to take along South and keep her company. It's all fine with me, but I doubt the value of a dalmatian as a guard dog, for instance. I do know it'll be a royal pain in the ass to keep the dog around. She's pretty big, eats a lot and well... shits a lot as well. The cats aren't exactly thrilled.

No big deal, I says to myself. The coming of a dog marks the point in which Mum is adamant about heading down under. By December 28th, she's out. I have about a month to leave the house, two to re-learn how to live by myself with Kid Bro.

Work's slow again. Same error in the program, so I can't do anything but look at walls. The contact list is at its end, I'm having a call every fifty minutes, give or take. I took the chance to study other products the bank has to offer, and noticed this: banks never deal with money. Banks deal in sums, values, amounts and credits, but never money, cash, dinero or kablinky. It's easy to see why they're not overly well-liked out there. People working in here seem to speak a different language from the common Joe.

By the end of my shift I was sent to e-Learning (since I was looking at the walls) and stood for about an hour and a half of stock market instructions. I can honestly state this was the most tedious hour and a half I ever had to live through.

Wednesday Nov 11

I forgot my train pass since I left home early to meet Mum at the coffee shop. I'm looking at another hour and a half's worth of stock market. I'm also looking at a slow day as surveys go - again. My MP3's headphones are in the fry, so no music. If I didn't know better, I'd think this was Monday. I even double checked it in the calendar by mid-morning.

I wanna start works on the new place as soon as possible. I need to buy paint and get to painting, buy cleaning products and get to cleaning. The faster I want to get this over with, the slowest it goes, it seems. Come on! I wanna move!

Slowest day yet on the job. No sales, no contacts, two hours of stock market bullshit. My following two hours were spent researching the answers for a quiz the super found to keep us busy.

Thursday Nov 12

Remember how my bank moved my Mum's account to far the fuck away? This morning I took a 2 hour journey to figure out what I'm gonna do about my old place and close my account once and for all. Plus 45 minutes waiting and a 10 minute sitting. Conclusion: house will be sold. And my issues with this particular bank are over. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

We were lucky not to get a speeding ticket on the way back. Mum put the pedal to the medal to get me to work in time. She hasn't driven a car in a while (we borrowed Pops', since, well, it's far the fuck away) so she's like a brat in the park when she gets behind the wheel these days.

Another "theme day" at work. I don't get these "theme day" things. I'm still deciding how I feel about them, since I never had anything that even slightly resembled this in past jobs. It's supposed to be a stress reliever, I realize, but I don't think I like it very much. All this having to look like I'm having a good time stresses me beyond belief. And it sort of messes up with my concentration.

Friday Nov 13

Oh crow. I expect the second coming of Murphy at any moment. I will know if this was a good day or not depending on wether or not I see the Four Horsemen waving at my window on their way to the nearest McDonald's. I expect the worst out of this day. It may come or not: Murphy has this habit of luring folks into a false sense of security. I left home quietly, I made my way to the bus and train on time... am I in the clear?

Then I got to work. Posters on the walls announcing what day this is. Black cat pictures. The number 13 spread a little bit everywhere. Stuff about Templars and the hebrew calendar. Do these people wanna die?! I should've brought a few flyers of the Most Serene Church to spread about!

I got €400 out of my account to pay Pops for the money he lent me on the down payment of the new house. They're not mine, of course. Mum asked her father for it. Once again, shit wasn't done as I wanted: I wanted to get some cash out of my own salary to make the down payment before I even began looking at places. It wasn't done, so I ended up owing. I handed her the cash and forgot about it. Frankly, Depeche Mode is in 24 hours and I'm looking forward to not being upset.

Weekend Nov 14 - 15

The night: November 14th, 2009.

The place: Pavilhão Atlântico.

The band: Depeche Mode.

The boo-hoo: Martin sang Home and fucked me up. Again.

The shits: I lost my pass during the concert.

Weekly Log - 02 through 08

Monday Nov 02

Monday begins with a seeing-eye dog barfing on the bus. Murphy announces its arrival swiftly and with style. I started getting a few more movies to watch and review: this blog was created with a purpose other than complaining (although that was the backup plan) and it's been a bitch to keep up with the last few months.

I have a thing or two to look forward to in November, namely, in 12 days, I have Depeche Mode's Tour of the Universe, and luckily, by the time I get home today, I have two new Batman comics and two more movies to watch. Avatar is popping in theaters soon as well... I have my doubts about Cameron's directing, but the trailer is interesting as interesting gets, so I'm willing to give it a shot. (let us, for the sake of the argument, ignore the rule that says that trailers lie.

I got to work, the program didn't like me anymore, so I went back to previous functions. I don't know what happened: it was working fine last Friday. Maybe I screwed up the computer terminal... if I did, however, I didn't notice. Swear to crow and all things holy.

I ended my day watching Mythbusters YouTube specials and trying to find torrents for some epic orchestral music. I went to bed late, and with plans to conquer Poland.

Tuesday Nov 03

Poland will have to wait, it seem, while I get to work and earn my day's pay. Going to bed after Mythbusters and Verdi isn't very healthy it seems. I have a feeling my night was populated with strange dreams. I did wake up with a feeling something wasn't overly right, at 8h20 in the morn. Which is even more unusual. I can't for the life of me recall the dreams.

Still have a hard-on holding strong for C4 explosives. A psychological hard-on, of course. The physiological kind would be weird.

Wednesday Nov 04

Ten days until Tour of the Universe. Very excited. You should always have something to look forward to: it helps keep the depressing thoughts at bay. Now let's get over this hump and rush forth to call it a week.

I have a few movies to watch now, and review... nothing new, I'm afraid. I finally got a version of Jacob's Ladder with a quality that doesn't blow the big one. I have Batman Begins, as well as the aforementioned The Dark Knight... I have The Machinist, which you should really watch if you haven't yet. And I'm giving some thought to American Psycho. The movie was bland, menthinks, compared to the book. The book is not only difficult to read at moments, but also much heavier than Hollywood made it. Coraline is also on my ranks. Now I need to gather up some good horror titles and start getting back on track. Easier typed than done.

My dreams remain weird. I have a recollection of, at some moment of the night, getting visions of people I know in a manner you'd expect in a David Lynch flick. I have a clear remembrance of seeing Mum walk into the room in a reverse motion (you know, filmed walking backwards and then running the tape backwards so it looks like she's walking straight), and in fast-forward. Spooky.

When they ask you how I finally cracked, feel free to show them this log.

Thursday Nov 05

I woke up slightly later than usual, although still on time, got out of bed and started getting ready for work. I got a call from a rental agent and marked a visit to a house for tomorrow morning. Mum finally decided it was better for me to move. Shit, really? I'll try to act like I hadn't seen it coming over a month ago.

That's a wrap for my attempt at buying the place. It was a great, resounding failure. In the process, we've lost money and had troubles and tribulations up the ass. Why did I even think things would get easy for me? Nothing comes easy. I swear, the next fucker who comes at me with positive thinking is getting something tossed at him.

At work, still in the regular, short survey. The problem with the program remains. I let hours slide by. My head's elsewhere - namely, preparations to move. The boxes, the heaby cleaning, painting walls, changing bills' names and addresses... and the Internet connections. And getting to know the new neighbors. And finding new resource areas. Gods, the moving! My eyes remain on the clock throughout the whole thing. I'm not sure I want to get out of here and go to a house I don't see as mine anymore.

Friday Nov 06

Well... I have a new place. Or I will, officially, tomorrow. And when I saw I have a new place, I mean I have a new place. Not Mum's place. My place. Moi. Me. I.

It's small, cheap and needs some serious work, but it's mine and I like it. Or at least, will be mine, if Murphy leaves me the fuck alone. It's a rental, but in five years, I'll have an option of buying it for a much lower prince than now. I confess I'm excited, I made a lot of plans on my way to the coffee shop after the visit: where I'm gonna place what, what color I'll paint the walls, what stays, what goes, putting up a bar and a gaming spot on the living room... very excited. And the best part: it's across the street from where I am now, so the moving will maybe, perhaps, probably be less rough.

I decided it's high time I got to it. I keep waiting and shit can get very, very ugly. Maybe this way I can jump free of some of the bullshit that's been eating at my head like battery acid. Now only one thing worries me.

Kid Bro.

I had agreed with him we'd see a few places... but this is by far the most affordable one I found, and it's in a location we both know already. I know I won't be able to afford a place where he wants me to get one. This is a five year contract, even if shit backfires, I will never lose the place as long as I'm working! The likeliness of backfire is very short! I actually think I can do something good in there!

... who am I kidding? He's gonna give me Hell.

Weekend Nov 07 - 08

Papers signed, she's mine!

Weekly Log - 26 through 01

Monday Oct 26

A foggy morning to cheer me up. Feels like walking down the street in Silent Hill! The people could be makeshift monsters. I'll have my complimentary 3-foot lead pipe now.

I went to bed early to little avail. It just had me rolling about for a couple hours, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. I had this galloping toothache, which reminds me I need to go to the dentist pronto, and have no cash to. Plus, I'm not exactly crazy about dentists... they and I have had a very strange relationship throughout the years. See, they're people with drills who get intimate with the inside of my mouth, and I have this habit of hurting back the people who hurt me.

I'm gonna try for a male dentist. That way, once I'm lying down on that hideous, medieval device of a chair, I can grab him where I know I'll get his attention, and make sure we're not gonna hurt each other. (this gag is older than me - I saw it on Cheers)

The general hour went back 60 minutes today. We do this to make the best of our daylight time (hence why it's called daylight savings time), which is a pity, really. I still say it would be awesome if we all had a healthier dose of nighttime in our waking period. But that's me. I suppose for most, the night's only useful for sleeping. Well, the asswipes who camp under my window ought to think it's an awesome time to talk about their girlfriends and their cars (not necessarily in this order) and the joy of being a douchebag.

The team chief found out we've been exchanging non work related e-mails amongst ourselves, we were swiftly told to cut it out. Let the boredom reign free!

Tuesday Oct 27

Paid my Internet bill, got some credit on my cellphone and then cringed at the amount of money I have left in the bank. If you think time flies, wait 'til you see the euro soar...

I was on e-Learning today, which means the first two hours of my shift were spent going through a massive document concerning safety in handling information, how to keep anything and everything classified as a secret that way, and protecting my work against them vicious Internet fiends. Fairly interesting, except for the parts when the program assumed I had been living under a rock for the past ten years and explained in detail what a "browser" is.

Wednesday Oct 28

I went to the bank this morning to pay my debt, close my account and get a document for my Mum. I managed the first, but not the other two. Once again proof that the bank makes it much easier for you to give than to receive. It seems my Mum is also on the account, so I can't close it without her signature, and they didn't let me get the document I was supposed to bring because, well, the document's not meant for me.

I'm glad I'm gonna close the account. It's about time. With Mum's debts, it's best if her name isn't anywhere near mine or my brother's. Her own debt may screw me over, and I do work at a bank now. I know they have ways of knowing if I owe anyone anything. Plus I'm up to here with that bank in particular. Account migration without permission, debts on a credit card nobody's picked up for almost a year, a lot of shady and stupid issues with the rent... I'm outta here as soon as I can. No use for three bank accounts anyway.

Mum hollered a lot about the document on the phone when I told her. Hollering which wasn't meant for me, but which I heard anyway. Common occurrence: when someone needs to shout around here, I am always somehow on the receiving end of the decibels. They yell at me first, to rehearse for the yelling with whomever they need to. Then when they meet whoever deserves the yelling, they are able to speak more calmly. Communication at my place was weird.

Brother, let me get to work... the faster I deal with the shift, the faster I get home, the faster I get my noise-proof headset on. I made an arrangement to have a beer with someone on the way, clear my head off all the bullshit.

Thursday Oct 29

Well, it looks like this is a day when Murphy is hellbent on fucking with me. I was seen polishing my nails on the job yesterday for about fifteen seconds. One of the nails was getting stuck on my shirt and upsetting me like Hell, so I polished it. But since I was seen (and I could swear to crow I know who it was) and the person who saw me had the decency and principle of complaining to my team chief instead of telling me not to do it. I got a behavioral warning.

Awesome. Just awesome. Like I've said many times before, there is a cow at every job, or a douchebag, and you just need to figure ot who it is. I found one of them out! You know: the kind who won't correct you, and instead reports your wrongful behavior to the super. The kind who will take not of what you do, and report it when you're doing the best. The kind who will smile at you with every teeth and stab you between the shoulderblades when you turn.

Then my last call was a refusal. A 29 minute refusal. No time to recover my hit ratio. Thank you, asshole. A simple "I have no interest in participating" would've sufficed, and taken about a minute to wrap up!

Because my last call took so long, the team chief ended up not giving me feedback I was supposed to get today. She wouldn't even tell me the grade - in fact, she complained I was too worried about the grade and not the indications in the back. And when I tried to explain it was just so I wouldn't be thinking about it for the rest of the weekend, she took the chance to scold me a little more. Thank you too. That's all I need right now. More stress.

I'm gonna stop trying to correct her about me when she's wrong. It's a waste of fuckin' time. She's obviously made up her mind about who I am and seemingly can predict my behavior as is, so, to Hell with wasting saliva on her. As long as she can't fire me, I can act up to her expectations for four hours a day.

I bought some beer and went home to drown down the day. I called Mum on the way and told her how my day had been, hoping to hear a nice voice in an otherwise shitty day. She scolded me again for wanting to learn the grade.

... Crank up the volume of my headset, open the beer and let the night slide in. I don't feel like hearing myself think.

Friday Oct 30

My plans for today: get my four hour shift out of the way. Go over anything and everything that might upset me. Get my ass to the mall. Buy some clothes, a couple supplies and booze. Go home. Drink beer. Become comatose to the world until next Monday. Hajime.

Upcoming movie Avatar has caught my attention, because sci-if is win. James Cameron directs it, possibly trying to make up for the fact Titanic was a huge flop (HA!), although I have a feeling I know the movie end to end from the trailer alone. Looks like The Last Samurai with spaceships and blue aliens.

Halloween reached the center. We had a "theme day" about it. I was also put in charge of a complicated survey, different from the ones I've been doing up until now. I wish I knew why. Maybe they like the way I speak. Maybe they wanna see how I can handle it. Maybe they felt like it, crow, who knows? The point is, I was allocated to other functions.

Left work and made for the mall. Tried some clothes on, but selection was poor, and I ended up not bringing anything back. Got my groceries, my daily dose of alcohol, went home, prepared to watch The Dark Knight once and for all, and started working on passing out. Have a nice weekend.

Weekend Oct 31 - 01

I wanted to head out for a Halloween party, but I have a birthday party. I ate, I drank, and when I started to want to cry, I figured it was time to go home. Booze isn't doing what it should. I usually keeps me in a good mood. Lately, I just wanna go down in tears every time I drink. What the fuck is wrong?

This weekend we seemingly had Samhain... no dead relatives came to visit me, not that I saw at least. Even if they did, I don't think they'd wanna stick around anyway. Ghosts make lousy drunks and my place is cold as a bitch.

Weekly Log - 05 through 11

Monday Oct 05

Today is a national holiday (Proclamation of the Republic), which means absolutely jack to me other than I don't have to go to work. It rained all day (finally!) and I got some shit done around the computer. Namely, clean up and organize files. Now to do the same to the rest of the bedroom...

A long weekend is always nice - it's a pity it isn't happening at the end of the week, instead of the beginning. All opinions say the party will be epic.

Tuesday Oct 06

In four days, I'm 24. I've been on the surface of this place for 24 years. I don't know if I should celebrate or barf.

They swapped me to the middle of the center, at work. I lost my place at the window, which is a really bad bitch. I'm not overly big on sunshine, but it was nice to have something else to look at other than the four walls of a cubicle. The view wasn't great, but the architecture is nice in this place. I finished Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow as well... it's a nice game, one of those that makes me thing about really getting a handheld.

Wednesday Oct 07

It rained all night - I love it, but I'm now worried we'll have rain for the mega birthday party. Still, it was nothing short of awesome, to lie down and listen to the rain fall. I missed it terribly. It's been years since I've seen genuine, 100% lousy fuckin' weather: rain falling, thunder roaring, lightning crashing... Lightning crashes, a new mother cries... Fall rules.

Thursday Oct 08

The human memory is something truly remarkable. Try as I might, and I did today, I cannot remember where I was ten years ago. There are a lot of things I can't remember, I realize, and which I am positive happened. I know I visited several places with my parents... the big greenhouse in Lisboa, the Aquarium, a dog show... and yet I hold absolutely no memories of such. Just like I can hardly remember my father taking any meals with me and my Mum. I remember him getting home, but not having meals. And I am positive that at some point, he must have taken a meal with us...

I was at Disneyland... and I remember my Mum being pissed for the whole trip, and being divided between wanting to have fun and not leaving her alone. I can't remember how I felt throughout my parents' divorce, although I recall most of it very clearly, and I reach the conclusion that I can't remember what I felt because I felt absolutely nothing. I can remember riding the bus to and from school with Iron Maiden on my walkman. I can recall every bedroom I ever slept in, but not what went on in the rest of the house. I can remember when my parents lived in different floors of the same house, and I would climb up and downstairs to try and be with both. I can recall being alone, and not wanting to go to that pit of horror and lies and despair I called a school. And having in mind how things turned out for me, my stay at that place becomes even darker in my memory. Teacher that inspired me... stories I heard... teenage moments of glory... some co-eds, some friends that disappeared (thank crow)... some more worthy to remember than others. I wonder where they're now... I hear a few of the girls have babies now, some are married... some have great jobs and most are engrossing the long lines of unemployment.

I can recall my first kiss. I wish I couldn't, because I know well how that shit turned out. Yes, that part should be blocked from my memory, but I know it won't. I can recall most of my disappointments, the lessons Life taught me over and over... and the bullshit. Oh brother, can I recall the bullshit. It comes to my memory like kitty litter to my nostrils on a hot day. I remember hatred, and rage, and frustration... I know frustration pretty well. Despair. Depression. Not those many tears.

It's been almost ten years since I gave my life a good cry.

Friday Oct 09

Happy birthday Madeen!

I woke up with half an hour for the bus and two problems: my father and my mother. Mum was bitching Pops wouldn't give her any money, and Pops called me to try and agree a lunch date. We ended up settling for dinner on Monday. My bus driver was apparently high since he spent half the trip sucking on his teeth and then stopped in the middle of traffic to pick up a wrench forgotten by the side of the road. Work was slow, few sales, not looking so good. By the time I picked up Jandeku at the train station, I was about to murder someone with my own hands.

Madeen and I agreed we wouldn't get upset until the 11th... good luck with that bub. Because even when I try to lock all the bullshit in the closet, it can somehow pick locks!

Weekend Oct 10 - 11

What a party... sangria, good music, a delicious cake, a great bar, drunken talk and football at the park where I used to play when I was a kid. Forget about forsaking everything until the 11th: I quit midway. All the things nibbling at my brain won't let go of me just like that... I must have ulcers the size of crow only knows what.

Still no news about my situation: do I keep the house, am I out on the street... and if I must get a new one, will I rent or buy... can I keep this job for long enough, will a better offer turn up... the waiting is killing me. I want to rip all this apart like a band-aid, quick and easy, and I cannot. I have to wait. The waiting can kill you, boy can it kill you.

Weekly Log - 28 through 04

Monday Sept 28

Preparations for our own Oktoberfest begin. All points that it's gonna be one motherfuckin' great party. It occurred to me that next year, something happens... something some of you describe as "cute" and some of you describe as "spooky", and which I frankly like to refer to as "cooky" for a lack of a better term that encompasses both things without mentioning Tim Burton. I will be 25 (which as you'll recall is 1/4 of a century), on the 10th day of October (the 10th month) of 2010... I don't know about you, but when so many numbers start dropping together and matching, I get the the massive giggling heebie-jeebies.

Tuesday Sept 29

Sales-wise, this was my worst day yet. Not overly worried here. It's not a matter of positive thinking, it's a matter of not wanting to care on my free time, when I can do absolutely jack about it.

I find they value a lot of things in this job that I do not have, and thus must find a way to fake if I am to keep working. Positive thinking and speaking are two. I've been a realist, with a good sympathy for pessimists, all my life, and the way my life wobbles along the long tightrope of Time, I have no inclinations otherwise. Hope for the best? Maybe. Expect the worst? Of course. That's how I've been walking the tightrope with my head up high for so long: if I get what I'm thinking I'll get, I was expecting it already, so the blow is softened. If I get something better, I'm pleasantly surprised.

Let's see, what else... smiling. They want us all to smile a lot, smile while we're on the phone, smile while we're talking to the boss, smile when talking to co-workers and be polite and agreeable. I can be all that yeah - at the end of the day, my cheeks hurt from all the uncalled smiling. I don't smile easily, and you can tell when I'm faking one just because. On the other hand, when I laugh... I really fuckin' laugh. 'Til I nearly piss myself. Social smiling is probably the most painful kind... you know it as "yellow smile". Yeah. It's rather creepy too huh.

Enjoying new challenges? Depends if the challenge depends on me alone or on sheer fuckin' chance. I don't get overly thrilled by new goals, no: I'm working at an area I generally dislike, the more complicated it gets, the more irritating and less enjoyful it becomes. I like challenge, yeah, but in shit I like doing in the first place.

Contacting with the public? Are you kidding me? I'd kill for a back office job. For having to put up with one boss and a few supervisors instead of one boss, a few supervisors and half the population on this country.

Keep smiling in the face of refuse? Oh that I can do. Especially when I picture the rudest clients getting ran over by a bus filled with foreigners taking pictures as soon as they hang up the phone.

Fairly good lying and acting skills - my best assets ever on finding jobs. "Be yourself and people will like you" - greatest lie ever told.

Wednesday Sept 30

It's nothing short of amazing what my luck does to can me, or what lengths does Murphy carry himself to when it comes to screwing up an otherwise peaceful day. I got the strangest calls today: guys with stutters, guys with impenetrable accents, guys who told me shit that happen 30 years ago when the West was young.

And when I got home, I got a taste of my own medicine - door to door salesman trying to get me to buy something. Please, dude, they taught me the same techniques. Try that on someone who doesn't know you're full of it.

Thursday Oct 01

October is my favorite month. Or used to be. It has nothing to do with my birthday happening in October. I liked it because it used to be the peak of Fall. Rain falling, lightning crashing, thunder roaring, leaves everywhere. Freezing days. Fog. Colds. All my best and favorite clothes were Fall clothes. Riding a train in Fall used to be awesome. Teenagers who got dumber over Summer were all regaining some of their gray mass.

But now, October (and Fall) are just some other ugly, indistinguishable time of a given year. When I was a kid, we learned to tell seasons by coloring items and symbols that represented each: flowers in Spring, fruits in Summer, leaves in Fall, rain in Winter. I wonder how nowadays' kids learn to tell the bloody seasons... then it dawned on me: upcoming comedies tell them. "This Fall, Jack Black and Will Ferrel star in some retarded shit you'll pay € 5 to see whether you like it or not."

Friday Oct 02

It's Friday, I have some cash, and you know what it means. Show me the way to the next whiskey bar and make no questions about it. I attended Allied Friday, dragged some of the guys off to the bar, we drank, we laughed, we drove in circles on the roundabouts and ended up eating fast food in some joint somewhere near the industrial park of my area.

Weekend Oct 03 - 04

Like every good weekend, this was spent doing nothing. Watching episodes of old series and movies with Meryl Streep (Sophie's Choice and Kramer vs. Kramer). And thinking of new and inventive ways to summon Cthulhu into my bathtub, since I have nothing better to do. I still think a dark symbol on a dripping faucet and a series of incantations pronounced from atop the can might do it. Worse comes to worst, at least the neighbors and I will get rid of cockroaches.

Weekly Log - 21 through 27

Monday Sept 21

How does He do it?

Monday. I got to the subway station, none of my tickets was any good. One of the machines ate my coins and didn't give me a passage. I've been flashing in and out of conscious thought all day, thinking time is passing at times too slowly and at times too fast. Too late did I notice my mp3's battery was in the fry. I almost got ran over on my walk to work from the subway.

Communicating began today (finally!) and for day one, it went fairly well. More ticket troubles occurred on my way back. I stood for the whole trip back, too.

When I got home, I discovered that the strange switch in Mum's head, which causes her to think that going South to live with my grandparents is a good idea, has been flipped once again. Checking for what triggered the flip, I found out Grandpa gave her some spare cash, and then called, saying he's too old to hold on for another year. You know why he did this? Because he knows it fuckin' works! It's basic guilt trip, and after it's been done so many times, I thought she would be a master at dodging it!

Now she's got her head set on going South once more, thinking that's how she'll solve all of our troubles. This time, however, I'm not doing jack squat. I waste saliva reminding her that he'll stop paying by the third month, she keeps making the same mistake over and over. It's high time I let go of the issue. She's 45, she should know what she's doing, and she's been through this before. If she wants to go again, by all means do so with my goddamn blessing. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Thank you, Murphy. Go fuck yourself, you hideous, miserable slob.

Tuesday Sept 22

I got up in a murderous mood. No time to play Manhunt 2, though. It's a great frustration outlet, to pick up a virtual shovel and virtually slam it straight into some virtual asshole's virtual face, taking his virtual life. Level 3 is my favorite - you can smack a guy with a porcelain toilet tank lid, and pile corpses as far up as you want to, since there's a respawn area. I've had the space underneath the stairs filled with corpses, on my last save. Very relaxing.

I did play it when I got home, though. I got a particularly irritating client on the phone today, and on my way back home, some idiot decided this was a good day to delay the bus. Today was mobility day in Lisboa, so you could ride the subway train for free, as well as some buses and the electric car. The Margem Sul bus companies, however, did not join in on this fun. This unicelular organism of some sort entered the bus, stated he would not pay because this is mobility day and the driver should inform himself. The driver, plus twelve women inside the vehicle including myself, explained that we were riding a bus from a private company which did not subscribe to mobility day. What did the asshole do? Sat down, refused to leave and said he wouldn't pay anyway because, quote, "you don't need to pay for buses today". The driver turned the engine off and opened the newspaper.

Oh, to have a fuckin' shovel...

Twelve women inside the bus yelled at the amoeba in the back, long and loud enough that he eventually said he would go to the ATM and pay for a ticket in whatever currency we wanted, because, quote, "I have euros, I have dollars, I have whatever you want". Your absence is the only thing we want from you, brother. As soon as he got his ass out of the bus, the driver started the engine and we were on our merry way. Good fuckin' riddance. I hope the next bus ran him over.

Wednesday Sept 23

I'm gonna go see The Cult in concert this Friday. Shaar got me a free ticket, so thank him lots. I sweat that for the first few days, I made an unpardonable mix-up between The Cult and The Gift... which didn't very much bother me. I like both, the first more than the latter. And they have nothing whatsoever in common...

Thursday Sept 24

Well, great. I woke up to my Mum tossing clothes on me so she could sit down at the desk to use the PC. Then shouting on the phone for a quarter hour. This got me right in the mood for what followed, when I got up, checked my messages and discovered this guy I know went to the bar and asked stuff about my birthday party... when I specifically told him not to, because I wanted to be the one to do it. How the fuck do you get 'Sure, go ahead, it's fine!' from 'No, leave it, I want to do it.' Maybe all this time I've been speaking fuckin' swahili and didn't know.

Seion, what the fuck's happening to you? You promised yourself not to take any unnecessary bullshit. How is it possible you're suddenly taking so much of it? Had this happened a year or so ago you'd have gotten at the subject with bottles and chains, what's with the passive-aggressive crap? Wake up and smell the coffee, girl.

Friday Sept 25

The Cult, Love Tour. Coliseu packed full of people. Hardly any space for an opinion. That's exactly how I like it: there was no room for another soul, even at the balcony.

We were at the audience, though, Shaar and me. We stood in the same area as the hardcore fans, which is the best place to be when watching a show. Even when you start getting tired, their enthusiasm keeps you going on itself. My two problems were that I brought too big a bag for the occasion, and that the opening band didn't show up, thus taking an extra hour for the band to enter the stage.

The worry for my belongings faded away as the show began, and the band began delivering the Love album. This means She Sells Sanctuary, Phoenix, Black Angel and Rain were featured live and in the flesh. Which is precisely what I wanted to listen. We even had some funny moments, when the frontman tossed his bells over to the crowd, and a fight broke over who would keep them. Then he tried to toss a second set for the left wing balconies and missed three times.

Leaving the show, we hit the bars, with some friends joining in to the fun. I went home at the end of the night, made myself some chow and went to bed with a sore throat, a stiff neck and a pair of destroyed legs. Totally worth it.

Weekend Sept 26 - 27

I hit the bar again for an hour or so on Saturday, to ask for some information on the huge birthday celebration. With everything agreed, and other than that, my weekend was pretty regular. I had an odd dream on Sunday. A frightfully real dream. I dreamed I woke up at 6 o'clock PM on Monday, having completely missed my shift at the job. Then I ran outside my room and asked my Mum why she hadn't awaken me, and she said I had it coming because I never woke up on time. I remember in the dream I spent several minutes wondering if I should call my supervisor or not... I then dreamed I woke up at 1 PM on Tuesday and, being late already, I called my supervisor. In the dream, I tried to make up an excuse but I couldn't think of anything. She informed me over the phone I might as well not show up, since I was fired.

Then I woke up, realized it was early Sunday, and cursed my own head for playing this sort of prank on me, since I woke up thinking it was actually Monday and I was late.

Weekly Log - 14 through 20

Monday Sept 14

Somehow, I managed to fix my mp3 player. Well, sort of, there are still some bugs in that, but it is to be expected. The device is old, and had been stuffed in a drawer since my second year of college. What happened to it, you ask? I haven't the foggiest idea. One day, it got stuck in Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit and had been smelling for years. Since I've been devoid of music for months, I picked it up out of despair and connected it to Ubuntu's Gnomad. And voilà! I've said so once, I'll say it again: fuck Windows.

I had been considering getting a cellphone with mp3 player. I always end up considering the tale of the fucked-up printer... my printer, that is. See, I have a printer with a built-in scanner. The day the printer stopped working, so did the scanner. Do you see where I'm getting? The day I drop the cellphone and it breaks, I am also left without an mp3 player. And I do drop shit all the time.

I'm still auditing calls. Tomorrow, I skip work to see a lawyer about the debts my Mum has, and try to find a way to solve it before she gets trialled for it, or gets her paycheck partially taken to pay for it. Needless to say, if we're a little fucked now, if she has even less money a month, we're very fucked.

Tuesday Sept 15

We left home at nine for an interview at half past eleven. We got there around one. The lawyer lives far the fuck away - two train rides and a subway trip away, to be exact, and nearly ten euros in tickets for each of us. We discussed the debt - it is the first time I actually learned how much we owe.

Ten big ones. 10,000 €. Holy mother of crow!

The lawyer's idea is to have it solved outside courts. For that, Mum's company itself needs to recognize the debt and take some of the responsibility - the loan was made in her personal name, and the money used for the company, and this deal would force the company to take some of the blame. And for that to take place, Pops needs to agree to pay for the debt, since he's the one running it now. My hopes dropped down to the soles of my boots - we're screwed. There is no way in Hell he will agree to do this, I know. If he didn't agree to do it when it was all word-of-mouth, why should he when the only change is a couple of papers? Mum still believes, apparently, because she said he would, and took the papers for him to sign. I don't want to lose any more time with this issue than necessary, since my bosses don't take kindly to absence, so we made out way back and marched into Pops' office.

He complained he had no money to pay for it, adding that he barely managed to pay his brother's salary. His brother being the sort of guy who is sent out for parts and spends the first half an hour at the nearest pub, talking to his friends. My Mum has wanted to fire him for ages now. In fact, she didn't even want to admit him in the first place. It never happened, just like anything that would make her will more respected in the company never happened. She says it's going to happen now, she's calling Social Security and having him fired. I'll believe it when I see it. I know all too well how these stories end up. Pops didn't say yes or not. We wait.

What a heinous day. I'm already struggling to keep this job and find another one for the mornings, now I have ten thousand euros looming over my shoulder as well.

Wednesday Sept 16

I was supposed to pick up my new desk today. The one I bought fifteen days ago and didn't want to spend 50 euros with for assembly and delivery, remember? Well, fuck that. Pops must come with me because I can't carry the package on my own and he said we'll go tomorrow. Still peeved, it seems.

I hate having to depend on him. I hate having to depend on anyone, really, but especially Pops. It's my dream that one day, I will be able to live with my own paycheck, on my own house, and do my own shit without anyone meddling or interfering. It's my dream never to have to borrow money again. It's also a far, distant dream, as things go.

Thursday Sept 17

Finally, the desk. Kid Bro had to help me carry it up the stairs... and while he was downstairs with Pops, he got a talking to about the no-ticket fine he got the other day. By talking to, I mean he was given the three usual sentences Pops uses when he wants to discipline his children. First comes the one he hopes will call our attention, the one he thinks we won't ever forget ("I am very disappointed in you."), then the instructions far too late ("You should've called me and I would have given you a ride"), and finally the tales from his youth ("When I was your age we didn't have any money for the bus, and I went everywhere on foot"). I still got the worse end of the deal: having to hear Pops say he was going to maul my brother into a bloody pulp several times. Why do I get bullshit from everyone, even when it's not my issue?

Bonus bullshit: as soon as he got out of Pops' hearing distance, Kid Bro became upset the usual way ("What does HE know?") and I was left to assemble my desk on my own. Sometimes, I feel like I've watched all of my life on a sitcom before.

Friday Sept 18

That desk is not a piece of furniture. It is a worthy adversary. It is a black wood finish and metal Oni made in China. It is a thing of Hell meant to hold a computer, books, anime figurines and whatever else I want to place on it. Holy shit.

I spent five hours trying to assemble it yesterday. The screws are too big for the holes, and only with a great deal of strenght can you get one in. So you say, "But Seion you sexy specimen of the Lusitanian minx, you assembled most of your bedroom furniture as well as your brother's!", which is true. The problem is, if you'll recall, Kid Bro lent our toolbox to someone who didn't give it back... so the screwdriver I have is not the proper one for the job. Just my luck... what pisses me off the most, I guess, is the fact I'm aware this is difficult for a reason. If I had an electric screwdriver, I would've had everything done fast, and the people who get paid to assemble these things do own electric screwdrivers. So you see, once again, I am pretty much getting the short end of the stick because I decided to save some cash.

Mum managed to assemble the main structure, but we needed another key for the rest of the job. This morning, I strolled down to the Chinese store and bought one. Finally, I managed to get everything up and running - now to get all my shit transferred from the old furniture to the new one. It made me realize I actually do have a lot of shit around this bedroom. The books alone were a pain in the butt to arrange. And I don't have half as many as I hope to get.

The Chinese puzzle is now solved, though. It's great to sit at the desk again, and have most of my stuff at arm's reach. It will also make the cleaning up easier. And it looks great with the red walls too. Now to get me a second bookcase...

I went out with the guys for Allied Friday, which as usual is the highlight of my day (and it's usually done at night...) We're planning a major drinking game sometime soon, which I am very much looking forward to. See? I'm easy to make happy. Give me some cards, fellows to play them with, and plenty of beer...

Weekend Sept 19 - 20

Getting my bedroom fixed still. Plugs to sort out, books to place, DVDs to find room for, and once again the notion I have a lot of shit in this bedroom. I've watched a lot of stuff this weekend, I'm not sure if they're all worth reviewing: Boxing Helena (1993), which I had seen years ago but took the chance to recall, Return to Oz (1985) which I had seen as a child and didn't remember anymore, Rehearsal for Murder (1982), which is very interesting... and a shitload of 'Allo 'Allo.

Weekly Log - 07 through 13

Monday Sept 07

Someone should warn the little people who mind the weather up there we're fast approaching Fall. It's still blazing hot outside. Not as much as the peak of August, but uncomfortable still. Fuck global warming.

I haven't had the chance to watch a lot of movies lately, with the work and a lot of YouTube users having their accounts suspended for copyright issues. Nothing very interesting coming to the silver screen either, as I see it. What a crock of bullshit...

Auditing calls still. A recurring situation seems to be that of 20-ish year-olds who have their parents mind their accounts, so they can't answer the quiz since most of them has never gotten their ass in a bank before. I don't get it. My Mum gave me an ATM when I was 13, and by the time I reached adulthood, she told me I was on my own. Just like that: on my own. I could already sign legal documents, she didn't want to have anything else to do with how I manage my own cash. I've been doing my own legal shit since I was eighteen... and frankly, I wouldn't want it anyway else. If someone must take care of me, it's myself. How can there be so many twenty-somethings who don't know the basics of how to open an account, talk to bank people, transfer cash, deposit cash, work a credit card, ATM or ask for loans?

I don't get it. I'd feel completely helpless if someone else was minding my shit for me.

Tuesday Sept 08

I feel lousy. Like a piece of crap stuck to the sole of a bum drinking on a park bench. My head hurts, I'm too sensitive to the center's lighting, by the end of the shift I was pretty sure I was gonna heave. Nothing a pill or some tea didn't solve, but I had neither. Nobody else at the center had anything either. Is it just me who usuallt carries medicine around? Not even a bloody aspirin!

I've been watching a lot of Cheers lately, I don't know why. I recall watching episodes as a child since it ran half an hour before Sesame Street when I was a kid. I know it's been done half to death in the US, and I must be the only person alive who never saw every single episode... then again, I'm on my twenties. This generation's Cheers is probably House MD. That one's getting boring by the way, lost all the pazzazz of the first season. I can't find movies, and even the serials are turning to shit. Just my luck.

Lousy, lousy, lousy. My head's full of shit.

Wednesday Sept 09

Today is Cirno day, and unless you're a geek, you don't know what that means. Don't worry, you're not missing anything overly important. My plans for Cirno day? Well I never gave much of a crow for Touhou so I'm just going to do something apeshit. Or as apeshit as my boring days get, which frankly isn't much.

I've been bored stiff all week without breaks. It's an art by now. Nothing happens around here.

Thursday Sept 10

Spoke too soon.

My brother was caught riding the subway without a ticket. 70€ worth of a fine. Guess who gets to pay it? The money was reimbursed to me, courtesy of Pops (actually Mum took the cash from the firm's bank account without asking), but I don't think it's very right I get to bail him out. He rides without a ticket all the time. When I was younger, I sometimes took the bus without a ticket as well -with the difference I wouldn't do it by the middle of the month, when there is no possible excuse for not having a bus pass! Plus, I positioned myself so that the driver couldn't see me and left the bus as soon as shit started getting hot. He was just asking for it already.

A friend of mine told me to go pay the fine in person, do some crying, explain the kid didn't have 85 cents to buy a ticket and was tired... I don't think so. Let him go pay it and get the shame. And even if Mum didn't let him go ask for money directly to Pops, I know this doesn't end here. In fact, the next meal we have with Pops, this will be the main subject of conversation. Luckily, I went to Portuguese public school. I have long mastered the art of sitting somewhere and pretend I'm paying attention without listening to a single word.

Friday Sept 11

Still auditing calls. I'm getting anxious to start doing something for my paycheck. I get nervous when I'm given money for doing jack. Don't ask why, taht's just how it is. I guess I'm also a little scared I might get too comfortable and blow it when I actually get behind the computer terminal.

For some reason, I was depressed for most of the evening. It's the second sign of the coming of the Great Boredom. Everyone has their stupid moment sometimes, mine was at 3 in the AM of September 11 (it has nothing to do with the World Trade Center, I assure you). At some point I was asking myself if watching one more episode of Cheers would make me go to bed too late. If you're watching Cheers at three in the morning, you gotta be depressed. Also, someone set the trash bin across the street on fire in the middle of the night. The boredom continues still.

On next Tuesday I'm gonna see a lawyer about the debts my Mum has. I need it like I need a second asshole growing on the back of my neck.

Weekend Sept 12 - 13

BORED! What have I done this weekend... played games. Pretty much that. Madeen is right, Pokemon is addicting, even if I know I'll never complete it because I can't really hook up the emulator for trading. Anyone who knows codes to get the specific catch or trade pokemon in FireRed is required to post them as a comment in this log.

Weekly Log - 31 through 06

Monday Aug 31

The second simulation was today. It was an eventful weekend, though, and I had nearly no time to look at my notes. I narrowed my options down in the morning before I left, and ended up with two possible products: personal credit and retirement funds.

I ended up going with the retirement fund. It went fairly well, still with some things to point out... apparently I have a mouse-like voice when I first get on the phone. What this means... I don't know. Tomorrow I get to the work itself: doing service quality quizzes over the blower. I don't think I'll be starting right away... probably still have to audit a few calls before that.

Tuesday Sept 01

Day one on my regular schedule. I'm going for the 12:05 bus, the 12:34 train and crow only knows which subway train. Since I'm due by 13:45, that should be enough.

Since my first task is quizzes, I'm not expecting too many hardships up first. I'll have a chance at listening to others and picking up techniques. The thought of telemarketing alone makes me wanna barf, but I can do this. I can keep cool, I've done it before, I'll do it again. Eyes on the prize, Seion.

September finally arrived, not a moment too soon. A decrease in temperature was already noticed. I still take a fan with me to work since the AC is busted. I'm usually against ACs, but try to work in a building covered in glass after lunchtime...

Wednesday Sept 02

Shit seems to be backwards today. I have a theory that since He knows I have my eye on Him, Murphy decided to swap his usual cursed day into the middle of the week to confuse me. I was supposed to go shopping for a proper desk early this morning. My cellphone was on silent mode and I didn't wake up on time to go. Then I was supposed to go to the post office, missed the stop because I was distracted reading some papers, I got to the train station way too fuckin' early. Auditing went well, still not communicating.

More backwards shit expected me after work, when I finally made my way to the furniture warehouse to pick up my desk. There was one clerk for twenty people. I waited in line, pissed and mean as all Hell. What I wanted was a simple information: here's a catalog, I want this desk, point me towards the place where I can pay and hand it over. The clerk couldn't multitask to save her hide, and when it finally got to my turn, I was told I could only pick it by the 16th. Why? Because if I want it today I must have it delivered at home and it's 25 € extra.

Very pissed here... I called my Dad, the car was outside, we could pick it up now. They said they didn't have it here, it was in their other warehouse. Well point me the fuck there and I'll go pick it up myself, what a sleazy way to run a business! I eventually ended up agreeing to run by on the 16th to pick the desk up... it is the last time I go to that store.

Thursday Sept 03

I ran my way to the train station today. After finally stopping by the post office, and realizing the following bus was gonna get me late, I took it to my feet to get me there on time. On steady march under unforgiving Sun, I got to the train station sweating like a hooker in a church and with aches in places I only remember aching when I did karate. I still got to work on time. Being late is not a good idea in this job.

Still auditing. No accesses yet.

Friday Sept 04

Another outing. I love the bars, but there are a couple people I'm meeting every single time that sometimes annoy me a bit. I'm trying to be as good a sport as the next guy, but there are some things I don't like... one being when someone does their best to touch my butt without my permission. I was very pissed at a given moment, not only because of that but of a few other issues within the group. Still, the night went by, and next outing (because I know there will be something next outing) I have a little more ammo. I've been biting down on my tongue for a while now. That shit makes ulcers.

Still, the view was good, down near the river. I wanted to go closer to the water, but for some reason most of the guys thought I was drunk out of my ass (are you nuts, I hardly wet my whistle...) and were afraid to let me. It's a pity it's a complicated zone to visit on your own. I like it.

Weekend Sept 05 - 06

Configuring Thunderbird is a pain in the neck. That said, the program hands Outlook its ass and thanks it for its time. I'm managing two accounts at a time, with different sigs and tags for each. Once again, UNIX based programs shove Windows fail down Bill Gates' throat.

My downloads for the week are two discographies (Hyubris, which is epic Portuguese folk metal, and Tarantula, which is plain epic Portuguese) and The Urbz for my GBA emulator. My thirst for Sims needs quenching fast.

Weekly Log - 24 through 30

Monday Aug 24

Please leave me the fuck alone today, Murphy. There are hundreds of ways in which I can fuck this up on my own. I don't need any help. So go bother somebody else today. i have shit to do, and you have plenty of people to annoy other than me!

I skipped work again today (can't be helped) and went to the interview. You may argue that I could've gone to work after or before it, and I give. But I was waiting for a reply (since, after all, the job starts on Wednesday) and if this lie is gonna fly, I can't just show up.

So I got there, I filled in the usual form, and awaited my chance. Had to say plenty about myself and my bank accounts (I didn't, of course, tell the interviewer I owe 400 gold to my previous bank... that's the kind of thing that easily gets you kicked away from opportunity. And let's be reasonable, I intend to pay for that. but I won't starve because of it). I had to make another simulation with some guy in there, but by the time I left, I felt they were rather inclined to hire me.

Tuesday Aug 25

Score!!! I'm in! The job's mine! I won't have to stay at the supermarket after the contract is done!

Alright, so this is a call-center, and I know I told pretty much everyone I know that a call-center isn't a job so much as punishment, but this is 500 bling for three hours and three quarters. It's pretty damn good, and I can find something to do in the afternoon as well. And it's not an eight hour standing gig. Since it's the bank's call center, it might be easier as well. I'm not going to be unemployed!

As the last gig is concerned, well, I'm very sorry but I'm skipping the last week. Wait. No, I'm not as sorry as all that, actually. I think, in fact, I don't give a flying crow. Yeah, that's more accurate: I don't give a flying crow. Score!!

Wednesday Aug 26

Day one of formative classes. It starts well: no smokes, no cash to buy them. Just peachy. Just what I needed on day one to give me that extra zing.

So here's what I'm expected to do. For now, I'll be be doing quality control quizzes to bank customers. Afterwards, I may or may not enter the commercial area. My contract is renewed every month until one of the parties decided to cancel it, and I'm seriously hoping this only happens when I find a better job full-time and must leave this one.

Thursday Aug 27

Murphy, get off my bloody case!!

I was late today. The crow-damned cellphone alarm didn't ring at the time I set it for. My new priority: finding a proper alarm clock. Worse still, Mum was home at the time I left, so not only was I pissed over being late, I also had to hear her going on about it as soon as I got up.

I tried not to overstress. It will do me no good at this time. I got my ass to work, made up a story about a bus losing its tailpipe and let it slide over the shoulder. I just need to make sure it doesn't happen again. The bank's pretty strict on tardiness, not only they won't pay even the justified missing days, they are also entitled to can my ass if I make a habit out of it.

Friday Aug 28

Friday arrived and with it an end to my first week's worth of formative classes. The morning's issue was a simulation, in which they pointed out to me what I need to improve if I am to become a proper operator.

Considering I haven't been in telemarketing for a while, it went well. On Monday I try again. It's nothing I haven't done before really, i guess that's what's soothing me. Even with all the differences (the bank is a lot more strict than any other company) the end result they want is the same: sales, and plenty of them.

Weekend Aug 29 - 30

An eventful weekend. On Saturday night, my brother's band (Caffeínna) was at Corroios' festival in concert. I, of course, was at the front row. They had a pretty nice crowd as well, despite being a little hidden away and at the smaller stage in the festival. Even my cousin came from far the fuck away to see Kid Bro bang them drums. They had a couple problems at the end, namely there was a problem with the drums, still they went over it like a pro band. I'm proud of him.

On Sunday, lunch with the guys. I had to shorten my stay since I have a simulation on Monday and I needed to get my notes ready to shine, still I ate well and had a lot of fun, as always. Main downloads for the weekend: a few more ROMs for the Gameboy Advance emulator and more D&D books, mainly.

Weekly Log - 17 through 23

Monday Aug 17

The gig's coming to an end: I've got 15 days to find a new one. Instead of up to September 7, it's ending next week. In a way, it terrorizes me. In a way, it is also a relief. I'm dead scared of being unemployed again, that I am. But I'm also glad I'm leaving this joint. I'm even surprised I didn't quit yet, the job conditions being as they are. Finances aside, I wouldn't be terribly disappointed if I never saw any of these people ever again.

Tuesday Aug 18

A sunny Tuesday greeted me, radiant and bright (and hot as bloody Hell too, by the way - at six in the AM, I was sweating buckets). What are my expectations for the day? What do I hope to accomplish on a day like this? Very frankly, if I don't discover I'm adopted by noon and my real parents promised my hand in marriage to an oil tycoon sheik, I consider it a win.

The super isn't around, so I got a break. She's been getting on my hair quite a bit the last few days: she's pissed at something else and I get the short end of the stick. Yesterday, it was the magazines. Last Friday, she told me to print something, but didn't give me the file location, then yelled at me because I couldn't find it on my own. I'm on the last miles of this crazy race, why does she have to make it tougher for us both? But hey - it's almost over. No use hollering at this time. I did try to explain that if I didn't know where the file was, I couldn't guess it. She didn't care.

I did some serious job-hunting to do when I got home. I don't care much if they like it or not - if I get a chance, either the contract is due or not, I'll take it with both hands.

Wednesday Aug 19

T-minus 12 days to go. I called two agencies when I got home from work. I also corrected my resume, and have plans to get it printed and start distributing until my face is in the minds of everyone and anyone looking for an employee on whatever field. My quest extends to various supermarkets, stores, companies and call-centers.

The term "job-hunting" was never as truthful throughout History as it is now. You need proper weaponry (in the form of a resume), a plan (in the form of an interview procedure), camouflage (look sharp, look smart, look like a go-getter). When you do get a job, the tribe cheers and celebrates (my family would go delirious, at least).

The highlight of my day was when the main store computer gave my boss a big "fuck you" early in the morning, since I cannot. The Blue Screen of Death indeed. Windows is in close relationship with Murphy, you know? I think they're in-laws...

Thursday Aug 20

The super said I had to tell her until tomorrow if I want to stay at the store or not. Well, crow: 4 hours, about 300€, cashier, working weekends and holidays. My pass is about 50€, a sixth of what they'll pay me. Normally, I'd say yes... but until the last second, the race is still on. I got home, I went through the day's ads and started e-mailing my resume as if it was spam. I pressed the agencies again. I posted my own ads. I had a large cup of coffee and sought for a job as if my life depended on it.

An hour later, one of the agencies called back - could I go to an interview tomorrow, at 2 PM? You're asking me if I can go to an interview on my work hour? Are you kidding me? I'm there!

Friday Aug 21

Skipped work. I could've gone in the morning and intended to, in fact. The problem is, I'll be in trouble if the super and my boss discover I'm skipping work hours to seek another gig. So my options were:

a) going in the morning, faking disease and going out. Which is tricky. They'd probably give me a pill and measure my temperature, or send me to the hospital and not let me go away on my own. I've seen them doing this before. And you'd think with the H1N1 craze out there, they'd be quick to dismiss you to work.
b) calling in and saying someone in the family died. Also tricky. See, most funeral parlours have to hand you a document stating that you couldn't go to work because you were attending a funeral. If I return on Monday without it, my cover's blown.
c) calling in and saying I'm ill. Again, I'd need a doctor's document to back it up.
d) don't give a shit, don't call, don't show up and worry about it later on. I turned off my cellphone and off I went.

So I hopped on the train - a wacko was singing the whole Delfins discography for some reason... the heat brings out the wackos, you know? - and went to my interview. Things went fairly well. About an hour after I hopped on the train back, I had a second interview bookmarked with the company itself next Monday. Score!

Whatever my excuse for not showing up is, it's going to be happening up to Monday.

Weekend Aug 22 - 23

I installed a Gameboy Advance emulator. Pokemon Fire Red, The Legend of Zelda - The Minish Cap, WarioLand 4, Super Mario Bros Yoshi's Island and the original Legend of Zelda, I'm in business. I'm really considering a Nintendo DS as my next handheld, if I do get this new job and manage to find a second one for mornings.

Weekly Log - 10 through 16

Monday Aug 10

Why didn't God start on Tuesday? He could've slept in on Monday, nobody would've minded. Especially not some 2000 years after the birth of His son. Monday is cruel and unusual punishment.

I can't wait to get home. Got a shitload of stuff to do. Tidying up my bedroom, dusting, cleaning, finishing the prison level in Silent Hill 2... when even dusting is more enjoyable than working, you know you've got yourself a winner.

Tuesday Aug 11

When I'm late, I usually recover fast (practice!). Unless, of course, things go as they went today, and I wake up just in time to hear the bus bidding me "fuck you" underneath my window as it runs by. I still managed to recover the delay at the train, and got to work at nine sharp.

The day's event was brought about by a drunken, bleeding man who wandered into the store around lunchtime. We called both the police and the emergencies. The cops told us to call the firemen. The emergencies transferred the call to the firemen, who in turns told us that unless we could get the telephone near the guy, they couldn't provide any aid. Seeing as the phone is attached to the wall of a different room altogether, the boozehound was sent back to the street. Also of notice would be the asshole who came by asking us to do a present wrapping on 2 KG of codfish...

All of this was crowned by the 35ºC in the shade we've been feeling all through the month. I am roasting slowly inside the store, I work next to a fridge's motors, and the boss won't turn on the AC because he's going for some energy conserving award at the end of the year. I'm usually against ACs in general... but I have to admit, it'd come in handy here.

Wednesday Aug 12

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Not for any particular reason, but more of a delicious, nutritious mix of reasons which are meaningless on their own yet make for a very frustrating salad topping once together. Small turds of problems which have been piling up since Monday, until what you get is a pile of shit. The heat, my finances, the people around me, the prospect of working here for month after month, general isolation... a lot of very small croutons that sour off an already hard to swallow onion soup. Also, I'm sort of hungry.

Thursday Aug 13

The last time I recall using this method, I was in highschool, but I've been saying to myself all morning that the week's over in just one day. One of my co-workers caught me and said the heat and the customers should really be getting to me, if I was starting to mutter to myself. Yet my mantra serves a specific purpose now as it did in highschool: keep me within the 3Cs: cool, calm and collected.

Now the "calm" part was lost last night, ie, even before the day began. Temperatures are high and in some sections of the bloody store, as inside my place, it gets hard to breathe. There is no chance in Hell that anyone can take a snooze in my bedroom. Fuck Summer, and fuck global warming. The "calm" part went away throughout the day. The "collected" part is difficult to keep while the other two are amiss. I feel like telling half the people in this store to go to Hell on a trolley, and I still think I'm letting them off easy.

Friday Aug 14

One bus went by early, the other went by late. A deadly combination meant to piss me off - I wasn't at the stop yet for the first and because of the second, I was late for the train. I got stuck with a driver who went downhill as he went uphill. And yet I still managed to get to work on time, I'm not very sure how. Such is the power of being pissed and very mean early in the morning.

My blog has suffered delays up the ass. I have four or five articles waiting to be published, and seem to get no time to finish them. By the time I get home, I'm so tired I usually do just a few lines to try and keep up with the word quota. I can't concentrate enough for more. Take today for instance: it was an apeshit day. Two people didn't come to work. There weren't enough cashiers and they won't let me do it (although I can do every thing else, from magazine restock to phone answering). With the heat, it was tough running up and down the stairs. Everyone, starting at the security guard and ending in the customers, was pissed. I was caught checking my horoscope on a magazine at a time when there was literally jack to do (still got a reprimand, even if there were only two customers inside the store) and got out half an hour late because I had to shop for someone over the phone.

After work, I was late (again) to meet with the guys. And I mean really fuckin' late. You know how it happens: you leave work late, you get on the bus late, you get home late, dinner gets delayed, so does your shower, and so on. Still managed to have a good time before turning in.

Weekend Aug 15 - 16

I have three words to describe Saturday. Silent Hill 2. If it was a person, I would hump it and have its babies. Even with all its flaws, it's one of the games that still manages to fascinate me the twentieth time I finish it. Downloads include a lot of old shit - see, I was checking a few old (and apeshit) cartoons like Heavy Traffic, Fritz the Cat and Hey Good-Lookin', and ended up downloading Fire and Ice (1983) - which is from the same guy, Ralph Bakshi, but not as apeshit. I went on to download (for nostalgia's sake) Labyrinth (1986) and Willow (1988).