Shit Happening!

Taoism - Shit happens.
Confucianism - Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Buddhism - Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism - What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism - The shit has happened before.
Islam - If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Catholicism - If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism - Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian - This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian - It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist - It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist - Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian - Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran - If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism - If shit happens, you will go to Hell, unless you are born again.
Judaism - Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism - Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventist - No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism - God made all shit.
Secular Humanism - Shit evolves.
Christian Science - Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism - Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers - Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism - This shit does not stink.
Darwinism - This shit was once food.
Capitalism - That is MY shit!
Communism - It's everybody's shit.
Feminism - Men are shit.
Chauvinism - We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism - Let's package this shit.
Impressionism - From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism - Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism - Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Stoicism - This shit is good for me.
Hedonism - There is nothing like good shit happening!
Mormonism - God sent us this shit.
Wiccan - An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology - If shit happens, see "Dianetics", page 157.
Jehovah's Witness - Shit has been prophecized and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies - Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna - Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism - Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism - Shit happens half of the time.
Practical - Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic - Shit might have happened. Then again, maybe not.
Satanism - SNEPPAH TIHS!
Atheism - I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism - No shit.

... and of course:
The Most Serene Church of Murphy - Shit happens. Get over it.