The Most Serene Church of Murphy

I have great news: I am starting my own church. Jehova Witnesses and the Mormon did it, so can I. It's gonna be called The Most Serene Church of Murphy, and it's gonna revolutionize religious cult as it was previously known. I just need a garage, warehouse or basement, a pulp and a few people half as crazy as me and just as angry to become followers. The premise will be simple: this is not a church which asks its deity for mercy, salvation or aid. In The Most Serene Church of Murphy, we know very well it's no use doing so, because Murphy is a bastard, and the point of a having a cult to Him is merely helping people into accepting His existance, His activity and teaching them when they should revolt and when they should up the white flag.

We can have aid groups for Murphy Doing Overtime Mondays, and hold special masses in the thirteenth of the month. Otherwise, service will be presential, in the Church, between 5 PM and 7 PM Fridays, so they can watch it, eat something and hit the bars. Believers can sit on old couches, smoke cigarettes, drink coffee and jack, and listen to others testify (AKA complain). On occasion, the leader of the church -yours truly- will do sermons about ill luck, bad jojo and inherent pessimism. The Holy Book will be no longer than 5 chapters: who has the time to read more anyway? It will be composed of the Book of Boredom, the Book of Annoyance, the Book of Desolation, the Book of Ill Luck and Revelations (which will basically be a rundown of all things unlucky and several possible interpretations for Murphy's signs of disgrace).

Instead of the wine and bread, we'll have coffee and cookies. And our Commandments will go likeso:

1. Thou shalt not ignore Murphy. Murphy in all His Grace cannot, and will not, be ignored.
2. Though shalt not make offerings or ask for mercy, aid and strenght from Murphy, for Murphy not only refuses these things, but also in His Annoying Greatness, smites thee in return.
3. Thou shalt refrain from cursing Murphy outside service, for His vengeance is swift and terrible.
4. Thou shalt fear the Unholy Monday, and all days of the year which are numbered 13. For these are accursed days in which anything can happen and everything does happen.
5. Thou shalt not hope for better days to come, because they don't, and when they do, they foretell worse ones ahead.
6. Thou shalt not harm thy neighbor. Unless he has it coming. Murphy does a pretty good job fuckin' up everyone's day, He doesn't need any help.
7. Thou shalt endure. Thou shalt not sit down and feel miserable and sorry for thyself, thou shalt get off thy lazy ass and go to work or school like the rest of us.
8. Thou shalt not become emo and write some of the most horrible poetry known to Man at times when Murphy concentrates His Most Desolating Activity on thee.
9. Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie. (in memoriam George Carlin, 1937 – 2008)
10. Thou shalt laugh in the face of disaster, and it shalt be known you have finally gone insane.

I actually think this can go somewhere.