'Tales from the Crypt'

I wanna review something entertaining and slightly longer than a regular movie. I've been watching a lot of shit lately (oh, people, have I been watching a lot of shit... stay tuned to the blog, you'll see), and when I've watched a lot of shit on a row, I usually seek solace in oldies, noir films, Alfred Hitchcock, the works... and a series or two which are dear to me. MST3K is one... and Tales from the Crypt is another. That's what I came here to talk about today.

What's so great about Tales from the Crypt? What isn't? Cheesy, made-for-TV special effects, 20 minutes worth of entertainment, a mascot so disgustingly cute only HBO could have aired it originally and no censorship whatsoever. No FCC bullshit on this one: in one episode of the fourth season, you get full frontal nudity the sort you'll have a hard time getting on cinema. And disembowelments, eyes falling out of sockets, cut fingers, zombies rising, killers, werewolves, voodoo priests, mutants, witchdoctors... and even all the classical mistakes: cameraman on the back, mic overhead, the works. Unacceptable in a serious flick. Great for laughs on a horror comedy series meant for impressionable teenagers.

All the stories on the episodes of Tales from the Crypt come from the same place: five comic book sagas published by EC Comics: the series' namesake, Vault of Horror, Haunt of Fear, Crime SuspenStories and Shock SuspenStories. All aimed at the same impressionable teenagers. The comics ran all through the 50's (uuh, vintage) and the TV series went from '89 to '96, counting a whooping 93 episodes. It's nothing, if you take into account House M.D. counts 106 episodes as of now and it's not over yet, but during the first half of the nineties and being a series aimed at such a short audience, it managed pretty well.

What's amazing is that while most stories in Tales from the Crypt episodes are, well... made for impressionable teenagers... some of them are actually very nice. One of my favorites, for instance, is about a guy who makes a living by dying, since he has nine lives, stolen from a cat. On his last performance, he's gonna be buried alive, and only once inside the coffin and six feet under does he realize that he might have gotten his maths wrong. Another such is about a paranoid man who is convinced that his wife is cheating on him with his best friend. One night, after some heavy drinking, he decides to kill both - and afterwards discovers he might've made a mistake. And how about a modern, female-oriented version of McBeth? Or a crook who after thirty-something years actually starts listening to his conscience - and it won't shut up. Some of them are outstanding, if you look at the worst episodes of it and the audience to which they were planned.

Furthermore, try looking at a list of all the big names involved in acting out the episodes on this. Tim Curry was on an episode (one freaky as crow episode), Brad Dourif too, and Whoopi Goldberg and John Rhys-Davies, Meat Loaf, Iggy Pop (as himself, pretty much), Slash, Joe Pesci (I wanna say "as himself" too, but he's in the sort of part he does best), Adam "I'm-the-goddamn-Batman" West, Demi Moore, Christopher Reeve, Brad Pitt, Benicio Del Toro, holy shit! The series is packed with big names. So if you can stand the cheese, and manage not to build up huge expectations, I would advise everyone to take a look at some episodes. Some stories are really interesting, and it's nice softcore horror for those still starting on the genre or those who want a break from the heavier stuff.