For Generations to Come

Do you have any idea how many installments of Halloween there are? Nine. Eight movies and one remake of the original, by Rob Zombie, that reared its ugly mug last year. And there are even more of Friday the 13th: thirteen if you count Freddy vs Jason, but let me pick up Halloween since, sadly, I know it a little better.

The first one came out in 1978, and given the year and director, it was a pretty decent flick. John Carpenter is a director whose movies can fall on two categories: pretty good, or very lousy. As for the 70's, don't get me wrong. A lot of awesome movies came out in the 70's: The Exorcist was released in '73, Jaws in '75, Carrie in '76, Eraserhead in '77, the original Dawn of the Dead in '78, Alien in '79, just to mention a few. The slasher style was born in this decade, crowned by Texas Chainsaw Massacre in '74, but also were the psychological and goth styles was we know them. The 70's spawned many horror films which would become classics, and I'm really not saying Halloween isn't a classic in itself.

The problem lies in the fact that after Halloween showed up, Hollywood decided to milk it for all it had, even at the cost of kicking logical thought in the shins. In the first two sequels, I mean, because after that, they also anally raped it, broke its fingers, hung it from the neck, played piñata with it and filmed the whole thing to post online on a snuff film forum. They destroyed an otherwise decent flick by releasing sequels ad nauseam. There was nobody through the 70's and 80's who didn't watch Halloween, and even across the 90's and onto our time, the original flick is still available for rental at many spots. Why? Well it's hardly the only one that doesn't suck, and even if many think it does, they'll watch it for its crappy film fame. You've done this too, I'm sure. Everyone says a given movie is crap, and you're gonna watch just to make sure... but I digress.

The saga revolves around Michael Myers (except for the third film, which seems completely unrelated to the franchise and is about man-killing robots running rampant on Halloween night), a man who has been locked up in a sanatorium since he was six years old, when he murdered his older sister on Halloween night. After he was locked up, he left behind a younger sister, and a few years later, on Halloween night, Myers decides to finish what he began: he breaks out of the sanatorium and goes after her.

While it's a plotline as good as any, this is doomed to repeat itself over, and over, and over again. Myers breaks from the asylum, hospital or sanatorium, Myers stalks and terrorizes members of his family, Myers gets shot, burned, ran over or tossed from a second story window, Myers enters a coma or trance and is sent back to the asylum, or simply vanishes at the end of the movie. Just so he can escape from the asylum again or mysteriously come back on the next sequel. When it became obvious Laurie Strode, the girl Myers wants dead, can't take anymore of him, they pop in Jamie, a niece for him to chase and try to kill. This happens in Halloween 4, by the way, which was called The Return of Michael Myers. What the heck did he do in the previous two movies, then, if he's returning now? (keep in mind I'm not considering H3).

On Halloween 5, Myers comes back yet again for The Revenge of Michael Myers, and keeps haunting Jamie. By now, I'm pretty sure, and so is everyone, Myers isn't human. No human being, with the possible exceptions of McGyver and Wolverine, can survive what this guy's been through. Laurie shot him, his doctor shot him, the police shot him, Hell, I would shoot him myself if I had the chance! Bring in the S.W.A.T. to shoot this guy, he just keeps coming back! Well, this was supposedly explained by the next movie, Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers. If up until now, the saga isn't taking it up the butt, it begins as of this film: a group of druids (!) are protecting Michael Myers. They kidnap Jamie, she is raped and gives birth to Myers' child (!) and escapes. The Strodes are once again haunted by Myers from this on. Frankly, I don't think it's fear anymore, it's plain frustration. As proof, on the seventh movie, Laurie fakes her own death, changes names and runs away, and this son of a crow STILL managed to find her! And on the next one, a bunch of jackasses open a contest for 6 teenagers to spend a night in the Myers home. According to all opinions, the guy was finally killed for real in the previous movie. This brought him back, seemingly. Ever heard that expression about not fixing what's not broken....?

Well, finally we come to the remake. I guess since the Strodes weren't getting bugged anymore, the druids disbanded and the evil robots were too farfetched to bring back, they decided it was time to give Myers a rest. Last year, Rob Zombie dug him up. Rob (Mr. Zombie?) has apparently left the world of music to write and direct ugly effin movies. The House of 1000 Corpses (2003) and The Devil's Rejects (2005) were a weird version of The Hills Have Eyes meets Hostel, with a little satanism on the side for good measure. The first was kinda funny, I had my chuckles during it. The second wasn't so funny, and in fact, I recall wondering when would it end. He is now dedicating to bringing Myers back... again. The line about fixing what's not broken mentioned earlier in this post applies.

So Halloween literally haunted a whole generation of horror movie fans. By far, it's not the saga with the most movies. Star Trek features ten flicks, James Bond features over 20 movies, and Godzilla 27 and one remake, making it the one, to the best of my knowledge, with most sequels. The oldest one, Gojira, came out in 1954, making it over 50 years old now...

But you know what's really scary?

Halloween, as previously stated, came out in '78, and if you don't count the remake, it haunted us up to 2002. That's 24 years, more or less a whole generation. Now try to guess this. Which horror movie came out in 2004, and has been releasing sequels at the rate of one per year, having released its fourth this very year? Doesn't ring a bell? Okay: the star of the first flick only had five minutes worth of screen time, eventhough it had been present the whole movie: Tobin Bell. Still can't guess? Last hint: I SAW the first, I SAW the two first sequels and I never SAW it again. Got it?

Saw (2004) has done in four years what it took Halloween eleven to accomplish: one original movie plus four sequels. Much like with Halloween, Saw's first sequel was only half decent, and from the third on it's hardly worth it. Again, much like Halloween, the third movie hardly followed the pattern of the first two, and the fourth tried to pick it all up again. Are you noticing a pattern here? All generations have had their movie. In fact, anyone from any given generation can tell you of at least one flick, with several sequels or maybe just one or two, that was a hit. I would also like to remind you that a "generation" is widely understood as a 20 year gap... do you see where I'm going with this? Is it possible that after twenty-four years of movies, Halloween has found a franchise to which it can pass the crown of becoming THE generation's bad horror flick?!

Be afraid. Be very afraid.