I am the very model of the horror fan in general,
I've information terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I've know the direct frights and others merely metaphorical,
from killer nuts to demon beasts, in order cathegorical.
I am very well acquainted too with matters psychological,
I understand the criminals both simple and illogical,
About old haunted manors I am teeming with a lot o' news -
with many cheerful facts about what's unexplained and what's a ruse!
I'm very good at finding the weak spots in nearly every foe,
I plan my paths with maps and when I find them blocked I curse: "Oh crow!"
In short in matters terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of the horror fan in general.
I know many satanic cults, the Order and tribes cannibal,
I answer the hardest riddles, I've a pretty taste for the spectral.
I quote classical lines from first Silent Hill and first RE,
And for pride, to the departed, I don't ever even bother to plea.
I can tell a Japanese curse from the Korean and Taiwanese,
I know what bullets to spare and which items I can use at ease,
I carry cloves of garlic, two-by-fours and at least one acid round...
and I can whistle the theme from that bloody awful Haunting Ground!
I never found an obstacle I couldn't move, or break, or cross,
and keep in mind somewhere in here there has to be a monster boss,
In short in matters terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of the horror fan in general.
In fact when I know what is meant by "poltergeist" and "ectoplasm"...
When I can tell at sight auspicious fog from the harmless miasm...
When asked for names of deadly aliens, I can name you several...
And when I know precisely what is meant by "Roman Catholic Ritual"...
When I have learned the power of a camera or a led pipe...
When I know even if I kill it, it will soon come back alive...
In short, when I know phones are dead and your car just doesn't wanna start...
You'll say a better horror fan has never showed up on these parts!
For my zombie knowledge, though I haven't ever seen the elder flicks,
it's based on a series of World-Wide-Web daily boredom-driven clicks,
but still in matter terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of a horror fan in general!
I've information terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I've know the direct frights and others merely metaphorical,
from killer nuts to demon beasts, in order cathegorical.
I am very well acquainted too with matters psychological,
I understand the criminals both simple and illogical,
About old haunted manors I am teeming with a lot o' news -
with many cheerful facts about what's unexplained and what's a ruse!
I'm very good at finding the weak spots in nearly every foe,
I plan my paths with maps and when I find them blocked I curse: "Oh crow!"
In short in matters terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of the horror fan in general.
I know many satanic cults, the Order and tribes cannibal,
I answer the hardest riddles, I've a pretty taste for the spectral.
I quote classical lines from first Silent Hill and first RE,
And for pride, to the departed, I don't ever even bother to plea.
I can tell a Japanese curse from the Korean and Taiwanese,
I know what bullets to spare and which items I can use at ease,
I carry cloves of garlic, two-by-fours and at least one acid round...
and I can whistle the theme from that bloody awful Haunting Ground!
I never found an obstacle I couldn't move, or break, or cross,
and keep in mind somewhere in here there has to be a monster boss,
In short in matters terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of the horror fan in general.
In fact when I know what is meant by "poltergeist" and "ectoplasm"...
When I can tell at sight auspicious fog from the harmless miasm...
When asked for names of deadly aliens, I can name you several...
And when I know precisely what is meant by "Roman Catholic Ritual"...
When I have learned the power of a camera or a led pipe...
When I know even if I kill it, it will soon come back alive...
In short, when I know phones are dead and your car just doesn't wanna start...
You'll say a better horror fan has never showed up on these parts!
For my zombie knowledge, though I haven't ever seen the elder flicks,
it's based on a series of World-Wide-Web daily boredom-driven clicks,
but still in matter terrifying, creepy and horrifical,
I am the very model of a horror fan in general!
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