Weekly Log - 20 through 26

Monday Oct 20

I abhor Mondays. They're well spent in bed. Since I'm jobless and broke, I might as well sleep in once or twice, right?

Read some great things about the condition called "cabin fever". Apparently, somehow, it is a higher form of boredom, much above the common "meh" style tedium. Seems people actually have gone batshit over being locked away from other people. Symptoms include high levels of stress, fidgeting, sleeping too much and at odd times, restlessness, sudden and unpredictable anger, periods of staring entwined with periods of great eye activity, glibness and, at an advances stage, talking to oneself as means of hearing a human voice. What's amazing is that after a week or two stranded at home, I begin showing all of the above and more (except the extra sleep, if I have enough caffeine available)... still I have humans living along me, as well as other mammals, have plenty of stimulus seeing as I have Web access and I'm not exactly stranded in the middle of a snowstorm way up in friggin' Alaska. I'm in fact nearer to the Ecuador, I live in a building where there's always someone yelling, shouting, hammering, cursing, crying or with their music way too loud, right next to a street with regular traffic.

So my question: can you get cabin fever from spending too much time with yourself? Frankly, I think yes. I'm boring myself to new lengths everyday.

Tuesday Oct 21

Tuesday came and went. Had to reinstall my The Sims 2 because after some updates, for some reason, it wasn't working. Murphy's chase keeps short but I'm kicking him back.

Wednesday Oct 22

Found an ad for a gig teaching English and sent in my resume. They mailed me back stating they'd need my picture to consider the application valid. Now what? I have some pictures of mine, recent too, but none digitalized. And my scanner has been busted for crow only knows how long. I tried to get it to work (again), it gave me the finger. Sent an e-mail back to them explaining the situation and stating I'll send the picture as soon as possible.

Will have to get some new pics taken and ask the shop to scan them, or else I'm done.

Thursday Oct 23

Thursday was a bit of a drag. My head was pounding most of the day, crow only knows why. Went shopping for some supplies and I hope they'll serve for a long time. My Mum came forth with the news she's probably getting fired on the 9th, on accounts her contract is over. They're not renewing it, eventough she's one of the best employees they've ever had. And since she hasn't been working for six months, she has no right to a government fund. With me unemployed, this only bides well, huh?

Finally managed to get some of my pictures on the computer, so I sent it to that gig teaching English as swiftly as possible. Hope the application turns out good. I need a job, fast.

Saturday Oct 25

My cousin is 21 today, legally allowed to drink and vote on every part of the globe. You go cousin!

Sunday Oct 26

Great lunch at D's. There was so much food I didn't know where to turn myself to. I ate ramen, I ate chilli, I ate something that resembled lasagna (and was pretty good too), we talked about everything from Don Quixote and 80's horror, to boobs and guitar lessons. Great stuff. Should've bought more beer, though (I was in charge of it), or maybe brought them in cans instead of bottles...

'Silent Hill: 0rigins'

The fifth installment of the Silent Hill series gave me mixed feelings when I heard about its debut. It was more than plain curiosity, or the wish to play it. It was a cold shiver that ran from the back of my neck to the tip of my toes. Dear crow, what have they done, I asked myself. See, Silent Hill may as well be (and for me, is) the undisputed king of classical horror games. And as much as I love Konami, they fucked it up pretty good throughout the series.

The first Silent Hill came out in 2000, and it was grand. I know it isn't much nowadays, with the new graphs and much better controls, but back then, it was awesome. Resident Evil it wasn't: no shooting your way around the game. Have a steel pipe and learn how to keep that Run button pressed. It was unlike anything that had been done until then (or rather, there were predecessors and some games approached Silent Hill's theories at times, but this was a completely new approach and much better done). Most people who played Silent Hill back then didn't get it, and many would only get it on the games that followed. In it, writer Harry Mason is looking for his daughter Cheryl, who disappeared shortly after they nearly had an accident on the road on their way to the resort town of Silent Hill.

Two years later, Silent Hill 2 came out. Again our minds were blown. Many consider it, to this day, the best in the series, even if it doesn't involve the cult. It had the twist of a good horror movie, a set of characters that was simply wonderful, and it took you effin long to finish. In fact, it still takes me effin long to finish. Silent Hill 2 also introduced the "puzzle difficulty" mode. You could freely choose action and puzzle difficulty, so you didn't have to, for instance, be stuck on a puzzle if you're not good at that sorta thing. This time, it's James Sunderland who came to town after receiving a letter from his wife, stating she was there waiting for him. Trouble is, James' wife Mary has been dead for the past 3 years.

A year later, Silent Hill 3 was debuting. This one came to complement the first game, and to explain to everyone who didn't get it the first time around, what the Hell was happening in that town. Decent, but not overly innovative, as it was an echo of the first game, plot-wise and level-wise. Also the first and only SIlent Hill in which you play a woman, SH3 was packed full of fanservice and alternate outfits, a fad which seems to have been transported onto the next titles of the saga. 17 years after Harry Mason managed to save Cheryl in the original game, she is once again troubled by visions of Silent Hill and persecution by its cult. Persecutions so serious, in fact, she had to change her name to Heather -and still, they manage to find her.

Which brings me to the most shameful title the saga was ever graced with, in 2006. Silent Hill 4: The Room. Which only became a SH because Konami got scared the game wouldn't have much popularity, and thus made a few last-minute changes and slipped it into the franchise. You can tell by several things this was not meant to be a Silent Hill. It is a pretty good standalone game, but not good enough for SH. Henry Townshend has been locked in his apartment for the past 5 days. Mysteriously, someone chained his door from the inside and left a warning for him not to go out. One day, Henry goes to his bathroom to find a hole on the wall, leading to a series of mysterious events. What the heck's going on? I'm not gonna spoil, play the game.

And then it was time for 0rigins, debuting this year for PSP and PS2. With Silent Hill (the town) having such a long history, soon we could have awaited a prequel. We know the town was cursed by a charred little girl. But of course, much like with Star Wars: A New Hope, fans wanted to see with their own two eyes what had happened before the shit hit the fan. In my humblest opinion, the first three Star Wars added nothing but one more annoying sidekick character to the mix, but with 0rigins, things actually turned out decent.

This is the story of a trucker who happened to be on the wrong place at the wrong time. Travis Grady is driving his truck, running late on a delivery and headed for Brahms. He decides to take a shortcut through Silent Hill. Suddenly (much like how it happened to Harry Mason), a figure runs to the middle of the road, and Travis almost hits it -only to discover, when he leaves his truck, there's nobody there. But the voice of a little girl keeps calling him, and soon, Travis discovers a house is on fire, with someone still in there. Travis' interruption of whatever's going on soon leads to a chain of events he can't escape.

And now, holy flying spoilers, Batman.

Konami tried to make SH:0 in a way no respectable game should be made. The same error, I hear, was made with the new game of the series, Silent Hill: Homecoming. They borrowed concepts and scenes from the movie adaptation of the first game. Which I will review in detail soon, but which I don't advise you to watch if you actually played and liked the games. You see this influence more in SH: Homecoming than here, but it's also present, especially in the monster Caliban which was borrowed from the Janitor in the movie, and the fact Alessa's looks and attitude are copied from it as well. The most blatant copy we see is a cinematic towards the end of the game, which could've been taken directly from the movie.

Still, the story keeps true to some of the game's precepts: lone guy with no other means but himself (in SH2 and SH4 you did have a sidekick on occasion, and it was irritating like nobody's business... especially in SH2, where the sidekick was supposed to be protected by you, and wouldn't help) and whatever weapons he picks up (we miss the steel pipe which was a canon weapon in all previous games, though). You can carry unlimited weapons (while in SH4 you had to store them and could only carry a few... another mark it wasn't really a Silent Hill), you meet with characters from the canon game, you begin and end your game in the town, and of course, you're once again introduced to the bunch of weirdos we formally call, the town's cult.

New things were introduced to the mix, though. They make sense, in a way. Travis is a pain in the butt when it comes to running, for instance, he tires quickly (then again, he is a trucker. His job doesn't require a lot of movement, whereas an adolescent girl or a motel clerk would probably be in a better shape). The monsters can grapple you, and you need to press a sequence or mash a certain button to get free (thank you, RE4, though I think you sucked, you did introduce some cool stuff for games to come). He is also the only character until now who can actually improvise weapons from regular objects (toasters, portable TVs, lamps and IV drops for instance), though these weapons are breakable, and also the only character who will punch a monster in the face once he runs out of options (again, trucker... he is bound to know how to fight). The game is shorter than most SH games, if you know exactly where to go and what to do, and can easily dodge most foes, you can finish it within 2 to 3 hours.

About dodging monsters, I do have something to say. All SH games inform you it's easier to turn off the light in order to pass unnoticed, but apart from maybe the first game, this is the only one where you need to respect this instruction, or be killed horribly. Spaces are often more cramped, monsters are probably much faster than you're expecting (Straighjackets, which are an upgraded version from SH2's Lying Figure, are much faster and spit much farther than their other version. Carrions lunge, and for such a big beast, they turn around pretty fast. And to my knowledge, other than a boss in classical SH, Ariel is the only monster capable of a one-hit KO). Monsters actually sprint for a lit flashlight, while it's really easy to Solid Snake your way past them in the dark (unless you make too much noise or bump them, you're safe). So you see, having your lights on or attempting to fight on the streets is asking to die a horrible death.

Of notice also a slight change in bestiary. We still have the Nurse (in fact, the Nurse has been with us from day one -when they were called Puppet Nurse- and have only been absent in SH4, and replaced by Demon Patients) but we lack the Dog... (the Dog has also been with us since the beginning, in various versions and with various names. No Dog on SH:0 though). Instead, from the Theatre on, we get that tank of a monster, Caliban, which can efficiently block out a street and goes down as the biggest non-boss monster ever in SH. As for game items, we keep most of the canon ones, plus the energy drink (which would allown you better grapples and more running time) and a little twist at the radio. See, the radio loses its importance unless you have already beat the game once and can turn off your noise filter. Much like in SH4, whenever an enemy is close, you get a noise filter on the screen. Which not only impairs your visibility (thank you very fuckin' much), it warns you that you have company. Unless you already have the extra option to turn this off, the radio isn't really needed.

The sound and soudtracks, as usual, are amazing. I am never disappointed with the soundtracks and sound effects on the SH saga. Even the one from SH4 was grand. Graphics are better on the PSP version than on the PS2 version, but, again, what could we expect...

And with this out of our way, let's address the plot. Prequels are a tricky subject, especially being so many years apart from the original game (and here's to Star Wars again...). You'd expect Konami to screw up even more than it did with SH4. Fidelity to the original story is strangely well-done. There were some loose ends left, of course, but the main idea was delivered. I was glad to see some known locations of the original game were very well reproduced in 0rigins (namely the cult's church and the Green Lion Antique Shop). Overall, I was pleased, but some answers are still wanted: who, after all, got in front of Travis' truck? It could very well had been Alessa, but how, if the figure was obviously grown-up? The Butcher? Lisa Garland? A member of the cult? Fleeing Dahlia? I don't get it...

Furthermore: what's with that cheesy God design? Which, by the way, goes against previous ones (in SH it was goatlike or a beam of light, in SH3 it was a freak, which could be explained by the game plot, and in SH4... well, let's not even go there). So I suppose Konami left a few more issues opened which will have to be explained by fans, out of lazyness or carelessness...

Overall, 7/10. It would've earned more if it was longer, and, again, if not so much was left to guess. The issue of the game being small is actually explained by the fact Konami cut out a lot of things from the original game's design. Those of you who watched the previews, played the demos or saw early concept art for the game will realize, some levels and monsters were scrapped off. And in many cases, thank crow. Silent Hill: 0rigins was supposed to have featured zombies. Zombies, in Silent Hill?! Crow no...

YouTube Wednesday with comedy

I had forgotten how much I liked this movie. This is Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995), a masterpiece featuring Leslie Nielsen and Mel Brooks, who as I see it are still the kings of the silly comedy ever since Monty Python quit the full-motion pictures.

This was one of the most famous scenes in the movie (which borrows characters and story from Bram Stoker) in which Count Dracula and Dr. Van Helsing are both trying to get the last word. Classic comedy. The whole movie's on YouTube and if it's not, go rent it off the clubs now, it's definately worth a watch.

Weekly Log - 13 through 19

Monday Oct 13

The day couldn't be more appropriate for the event at hand. Monday, thirteen, blam this piece of crow. I went out to dinner with the Pops. Feeling like a condemned inmate all the way from the minute I started getting ready, to the point where I finally walked back inside the house. From commenting on the waitress having a great ass to making jokes with the waiters you only do if you know them well enough (and by "well-enough" I mean, years), which wasn't the case, Pops somehow found a way to combine an old man's ramblings with teenage douchebaggery to mortify me to greater lengths. And what's with speaking in a Brazilian accent every time he addresses a Brazilian waiter? Come on...

This was also, apparently, his time to bug me about a driver's license. All dinner long. Five times the issue was approached, I counted. Then the final blow dealt at the end of the dinner, was Pops saying my birthday present would be paying for my license. This is like saying if I ever need a kidney transplant, he'll pay for it. It doesn't help me with what I need right now.

It's not even the fact he didn't give me anything, I don't care for that. Some money to finish paying the last installment of college or keeping the bills in order would have been nice, but from Pops I don't even expect that anymore. It's the fact he wants to force me to do something I don't want to do, nor see any sense in doing. I can't support a car. I can't pay for it, I can't pay for the insurances, and maintenance and fuel. I can barely keep from getting evicted. I can't pay for driving lessons either. Most jobs I apply for don't demand a license. How many people do you know, who live through their lives without cars or the ability to drive?! And if I don't have a car, why am I gonna learn how to drive? Isn't it worse if I invest my cash into it and then hardly do it? It's a waste of money and time. When I need a driver's license, I'll get it. But I don't need it now. Again: I don't even own a car! And frankly the more I think about it, the more I think it's not worth it and I don't want to own one.

Tuesday Oct 14

Called the net provider again... they're coming to deliver the router on Thursday. They better do.

Wednesday Oct 15

Bored, bored, bored, bored. Absolutely nothing happened. Complete flat-line of a day.

Thursday Oct 16

The time came for the router to be delivered and it wasn't here. That does it. Called the provider and left my manners in the fridge. I didn't yell at the girl who answered (since I know what she's going through, been there done that) but I asked her to get me the complaint line and whoever was responsible for these issues.

About fifteen minutes later I had a guy at my place who not only delivered the router, he also configured it and encrypted it. Without a "but". See, it's stuff like this that teaches you. You can't get anything done in this country, anything at all, without a lot of yelling and bitching. It's only after you get upset people begin to do their work right. If this had been solved up first, on the 29th of last month, I wouldn't have had to get pissed. As it is, next time, I'll probably be quicker to get pissed so I can get my shit working sooner.

Friday Oct 17

Kid's PC fried. Took me a heck of a long time to fix it. I still don't know what the trouble was, but I managed to restore it to another point and left it at that. Hopefully, if the same thing happens again tonight, I'll be able to find out what's wrong.

Also pleased to announce I did a good burning of Silent Hill: 0rigins and it's now playable and already fucking up with my brother and myself. The router is also working at top notch, only one thing bothers me: the fact I need to place it next to the speakers. So when I'm listening, I hear background noise from it. Which is a kind of a drag when watching horror movies, since I keep wondering if the noise's from the router or the movie itself. Frankly, it's distracting at times. But I guess I'll get used to it, like the ticking of a clock.

Speaking of horror movies: Dark Tales of Japan 5? Not worth your time.

Saturday Oct 18

So, the kid's computer re-fried. I had to crawl up that piece of crap's ass to try and figure what's wrong again. Managed to solve the issue but have my doubts as to how permanent the solution is.

Sunday Oct 19

Silent Hill: 0rigins completed. Pretty short, but sweet. Not as good as Silent Hill 2 but they can't be all masterpieces. This was a nice game. Cult-wise, rivals greatly with Silent Hill 3. Now to finish it two more times for all the endings, and a shitload of other attempts to unlock all the extra stuff. My favorite part? Solid Snake-ing your way through the monsters. Awesome feature.

Ten School Issues that Must be Stopped

They say Death is the big equalizer. I say school is a pretty good one as well. Unless your parents were complete pussies with more money than what they know what to do with, you went to a state school, and as such, you know the horrors that await the regular kid there. I've complained long and hard about school myself, and in fact, organized my rant in a top ten for your entertainment. These are my top ten issues that must be stopped at schools.

#10. The Enrollment Crap

Enrollment is always a pain in the ass. It doesn't matter if you're in the kiddie grade, highschool, or college, it's all the same: half a crowload of paperwork to fill in, which most of the times needs a manual to be completed. Data nobody cares about anymore, and which you have to search low and high around your house to find, like vaccine bulletins. If some kids get their vaccines at school, why don't they all? In kiddie grade they forced us to wash our teeth in the classroom four times a week, I'm sure providing vaccines for kids once a bloody year shouldn't be that hard either.

Then when everything's done, it's a three-hour wait in a line or inside a room prepared for the "event", with your folks or without them, so you can be taken to a room like sheep where they tell you some extra-curricular shit isn't available, or that your papers got filled wrong, or that the language option you chose isn't being taught in this school. For three consecutive years I enrolled in Spanish, and they always sent me to German. I also enrolled in English on my last year, because it was actually a college requirement. Since they didn't have enough students for it, they sent me to Psychology instead, so I had to make an extra exam at the end of my year. Bullshit! It was something easy to pull, but imagine if it had been Philosophy? Or Chemistry? Or another of those ass-hard subjects you can't pull without help unless you're a freakin' genius and can do self-learning?

Finally, you get all your papers signed and stamped, and you're off on your merry way. Your parents lost a day's pay to be with you in some cases, you lost a shitload of time needlessly, probably skipping a meal in the process (whenever I needed to enroll, I usually skipped lunch to be on the motherfuckin' line), and you got bored to tears. A great start for the upcoming year.

Why don't they simplify this? Do you really need to fill all your data every school year? I'm pretty sure my birthday didn't change, neither did my name, and probably neither did my bloodtype, my allergies, my parents' names, the school I went to last year, the grade I was in last year, my ID number, my tax payer number or my crow-damned gender. The only things that are likely to be altered are my address and phone number, perhaps the name of my caretaker, and my height and weight. That's it. You can use the same data, and only start fumbling around it if any of it has changed! Is it that hard?

Also, what is this bullshit about not being accepted at a given school if there's one closer to your place? If they still have vacancies, what do they care if I take an hour and a half to get to school? If I don't wanna go to the one near me, there's probably a very good reason... like it being just beside a drug ghetto. And since we're at it, what kind of mob do teachers run in there, that they always ask if I have siblings in the same school? Are they trying to control my family's comings and goings? Are they going to compare grades? Isn't parental pressure enough? I'm glad my brother was always six grades behind me, I don't need old hags comparing our school performance. My grandma can do it herself and we keep shit in the household.

#9. School Transportation
Possibly only appliable to the kiddie grade. Still, some schools provided transportation for those who can pay the extra fee. I only had a bus to take me to school during the year I spent in preschool, and it was enough.

Have you seen how people driving school transportation behave? They're lunatics! They have a bus packed full of kids and forget to signal left and right? I once saw one of these who was missing lights in the back. It's an accident waiting to happen! Plus, inside, it's not all that great either. I once went on a schooltrip sitting next to a stupid kid who shat himself. Think anyone stopped the bus and did something about it? The Hell they did!

Also, what is it with kids who are old enough to go to school on their own having a bus to get them there? Are all the parents so busy they cannot give away an hour to carpool kids to the school? I started going to school on foot when I was in the kiddie grade, it was a half an hour walk, and I did it back and forth every day. Everyone is hollering about child obesity these days, but still send kids to school on a bus? Have them do what most of us did: walk to school, ride a bike to school, or run for the public bus. Why can't a skater kid ride his skate to school? Most parents are afraid kids will get mugged, kidnapped or ran over. Well, my friends, kids are only ran over if they're idiots, and try to ride the bike or skate their way into the road, or not wait for the sign, or run in front of the cars. I never once heard a story about a kid getting ran over while sticking to the sidewalk and minding the comings and goings of cars when they had to cross. Most of them were jaywalking, or trying to be Indiana Jones. As for muggings and kidnappings, nobody will assault a kid going to school if he's in a group, or in a busy street, I can assure you. And if you're so worried, why don't you pick him up from school? My Mum was a busy person, she still managed to come pick me up at school. I often had to wait for her, but that's the price I pay for the previlege of not having to walk!

#8. The School Track
The school track and I have had our issues on every school I went to. I didn't like it, and it didn't like me. I hated PE in general, so the school track looming from behind the school fence always brought memories of teachers thinking they're Sgt. Hartman in FullMetal Jacket, of running like an asshole for a team that didn't give a shit wether you're there or not, of falling, of getting hit by baseballs and of being failed eventhough you try your best to pull a passing grade. I hated my school tracks especially until my late years in highschool, because they were all made out of tar and rocks. That's right, rocks. Imagine trying to do push-ups on gravel and you have an idea of how it felt. Imagine, too, falling down on it. Imagine your ripped trousers and bleeding elbows. That track wasn't gonna make it easy for you in any way: you fall on your face, your nose gets ripped half off your face, period!

Then on the late highschool, they decided to change the tar track for a rubber one. Even worse. Everytime it rained, the field seemed to be made out of a thin layer of tire rubber and butter. You'd fall on your ass faster than you could say Jack Robbins. It wasn't so bad because the teachers knew about this, so now everytime we had a wet track, there would be no PE class. Exhuberance!

#7. Tolerance at the Bell
This was awesome, until some smartasses decided to ruin it for the rest of us. The bell rings. You've just gotten a hold of your snack, or are running late. No problem: there's a fifteen minute tolerance at the bell. Bullshit.

First and foremost, not all teachers will respect the tolerance. Most likely, if you're not in the room and sitting down by the time they begin calling names, they'll assume you're not coming. And even if you go in the room late and explain your mishap to the teacher, you're likely to be allowed to assist the class, but the attendance flaw won't come out of the book. You know what really grinds their gears in these situations? If you say since you have an attendance flaw already, you might as well go outside and finish your snack. And leave. It will piss them off then, and everytime they lay their eyes on your again.

So teachers sometimes won't respect the tolerance. Why do they tell us there is one in the first place then? Well, that's one of the great mysteries of the world. In college, there is no tolerance, you don't sign the presence sheet, your problem. You can even ask someone to sign it for you, so what's the point anyway? We're old enough to know what happens if we'd rather be on the bar discussing interesting stuff, than going to bore ourselves in class for two hours. I've held more interesting chats on philosophy, great authors and theory of literature sitting at the college bar, than inside any classroom I was ever in.

Furthermore, the tolerance was ruined by kids. I had people saying "What's that? The bell? Ah fuck it, we have ten minutes, let's hit the chocolate bar machine." So if these lame-asses start using tolerance as extra recess, of course eventually the teachers get around to stop believing you when you say you were late because you had to go buy your lunch ticket. Lesson about the real world: there's an idiot in every corner and whatever he's doing will eventually fall on your lap as well.

#6. Personnel who Doesn't Give a Shit
Ah, man. The school personnel. A group of middle-aged to old hags who can't see you having fun. Plus the two or three guys in charge of the heavy work, like sprinkling the grass with a waterhose, fixing doors, killing cockroaches and minding the entry gate. There's one or two of these in every school, loitering about. In my school, the man was drunk as a fish any hour after lunch, and rendered useless.

Sometimes you find personnel who is kinda nice. They let you inside the classroom early if it's raining, provided you don't mess about. They allow you to walk in if you forgot your school card, since they see you everyday and know you attend school there. One or two might even let you sneak into the can during class without going after you to see that you're not texting someone instead of pissing.

Then you get the real temperamental people, the menopausal bitches, the ones going through all sorts of age-transition crisis and (as previously stated), the drunk ones that couldn't care less. These are the fuckers to whom you give your valuables during PE, for them to store in a drawer that's not even locked while they go to the cafeteria to flirt with the lunch lady and have coffee. These are the ones who never ask for the card at the gate, so everyone and his uncle can enter, regardless of age. Even worse, we had a gentleman who would only ask the cards from caucasian kids, because he was afraid everyone else would kick his old ass if he did. These are the ones who yell at you that there'll be no running in the hallways, even as you're walking towards your classroom. Lady, I hear that shit everyday, I am aware there's no running in the hallways, I'm not running, what's your effin problem? What is this shit, mind reading? I would like very much to run to my class, since I'm running late and the asses I study with already ruined the tolerance, but so as not to hear your screeching voice yelling at me and threatening you'll call the drunk janitor to escort me, I'm walking. Leave kids the fuck alone!

#5. School Showers
Oh man. More ghosts from PE class. If you have PE early in the morn, you're gonna have to shower in the school. I only tried once. Then I decided a heavy layer of deodorant would have to do, because there was no way I was gonna drag my tired hide from the gravel track and onto that Hellish place.

School showers have no curtains. Or doors. Anyone is free to roam anywhere. And if you're pranked by your fellow colleagues (and I was), you're likely to get your clothes stolen. While you're standing there taking your shower, the windows can be opened, and a current of cold air will likely give you pneumonia. The door is also unlocked, so the old hag can wander in anytime she wants to. And on a top ten list people you don't want to be seen naked by, the school hag probably hits the top. More serious, is the lack of hygiene in that place. Teachers told us to shower in flip-flops. So... the school budget wasn't enough to buy a good batch of bleach? Or a disinfectant? This is the sort of warning you get in public pools. Plus if they asked for a list of our ailments at the enrollment, how come they're not aware some kids are prone to contagious shit?

One more issue concerning school showering. Cold. Fuckin'. Water. The first year I was in a school with showers, the teacher was really keen on us taking a bath there... only crow knows why, because it was creepy as fuck. When I said I wasn't very inclined to do so, he answered, "Why? We have hot water..." So I went ahead and tried.

Bullshit. They have hot water my ass. You know how they have it? They have it for the first ten or twenty kids. If you're not one of the lucky ones, you're taking a cold shower. I've taken cold showers too, in Summer, when it's too hot for words. Or whenever I couldn't pay my gas bill for a while. But on a weekly basis at school? Get outta here.

#4. Teachers Who Aren't
So you've just graduated. You think to yourself you got rid of school. Once and for all, right? Well sure if you find a job immediately. If not... you'll have to go teach. Nowadays, it's hard to find these good people who will teach because they couldn't find anything else to do, seeing as there are too many teachers. Still, we have a lot of cases. (And why do we? Why are people teaching, that aren't teachers, if there are teachers to be employed? I don't get this...)

We could spot those who weren't really teachers easily. I had a Chemistry guy who'd rather be discussing yesterday's soccer match than explain the formulas to us. He taught Chemistry at college level... to highschool kids. Another such was a Geography major who was assigned to teach History to us. She spoke a lot of fashion in the several time periods, but when it came to the First World War, disaster stroke, because the lady knew as much of it as I do of oriental rugs. Probably even less. And last but not least, the young woman who came from far the fuck away to teach us Portuguese Literature. A Literature major in fact. She couldn't teach that class. She couldn't control a regular classroom if her life depended on it. And she didn't give a fuck, really. During tests, I had three people getting up from their tables and copying from me under her eyes. She didn't give a shit and passed them all. What the fuck is wrong with her?! She blind or something?

Overall, they were in it for the paycheck. We could all fail the subject for all they cared. And if they actually cared, they couldn't control the classroom. Fuck this, employ teachers, not biology engineers, failed writers and people from a completely different area!

#3. Group Assignments
These were death. Whenever the teacher said "Form a group..." I hung my head in despair and immediately asked if I could work on my own. The usual answer was no. And this shit followed me all the way up to college. You know what's supposed to happen when you work in groups? Everyone researches and gathers on a daily basis and makes every effort to make the best assignment possible regarding everyone's skill and knowledge. You know what actually happened when you worked in groups? One or two guys ended up doing all the work, and the rest of them did minor tasks, and received a good grade nonetheless.

There are two reasons why teachers choose group assignments. Three, actually, but I'm not counting the fact they might want us to socialize, because we know very well all the already defined friend groups would stick together, and the remaining parties would be bundled up and crow help us.

The first reason is that teachers have less to do when they have group assignments. Rather than reading 30 papers, they'll read 10. Well, to crow with that. Make smaller classes. Employ more teachers. You solve two problems in a row. Budget issues? Oppose to having the government build yet another soccer stadium and demand that cash will go to public schooling instead. Since when is a group assignment a good representative of 3 people's knowledge? Most of the groups I was paired with, were people who didn't want to do the assignment in the first place, not were they the least bit interested in getting it done. Teachers were well aware 70% of the final product was mine. How come all the other kids got the grade as well? It's not effin' fair.

The second reason is, if a teacher chooses pairings, he's hoping the kids who don't give a flying crow for the subject will somehow learn something from their peers. So they make sure to pair up one or two who teachers expect good assignments from, with two or three teachers know will flunk. Sometimes, this actually works. Very rarely. Most of the times, not only does the quality of the final product go down the drain, everyone in the group also gets upset in the process.

And here's another thing: I wanna be responsible at 100% for the outcome of my assignment. If I have a good grade, I want nobody else to be attributed the reward for my hard work. If I get a bad grade, I don't want anyone else getting it because I failed. These kids who anchor themselves to someone else's grade will grow up to be the guys in the office, or the shop, or the other side of the line, who also anchor themselves to other people's work. And who never had to work hard to make something out of their shit. They're the public loafers on every business, they're likely to get fired as soon as they need to work on their own and end up milking out the government, their friends and the relatives because they never got used to be responsible for their own shit!

#2. Cafeteria Lunches
This is the same in several places, not just schools. Anyone who ever had to eat at a canteen knows their meals suck. They're poorly conceived, poorly cooked and poorly served, and you're often better off giving away the 2 or 3 extra euros for a meal at a restaurant, or bringing your lunch from home, than eating at the cafeteria.

Where do I begin? How about the fact the lunch ladies handle both bread and their hankies with the same gloves? Or the fact the food has been seasoned heavily so we won't notice it's way overdue? How about potatoes that taste like nothing and meat that tastes like part of the running track? How about instant juice that's more water than juice? Or rice that you could use in art class for clay and pasta that actually sticks together? And why the fuck don't they serve coffee, tea or anything that doesn't look and smell like it was recycled from yesterday?

Don't give me any caffeine bullshit either. If they serve Pepsi, they might as well give me an expresso or two.

Then you have the alternatives, all highly fattening and not so good either. Unless it was wrapped or canned, you wouldn't wanna eat it. Some exceptions did arise, though: I went to a school where the sandwiches were very recommendable. More so during the "health week", when it was about the only time you saw a lettuce that actually looked fresh. I always had lunch at home, no matter how long the wait for the bus was or how tiring it was to walk all the way back. They wouldn't catch me eating at the cafeteria again for shit.

#1. Folk Dancing
If you live outside Europe you probably didn't have to go through this, but folk dancing is part of the curricular activities. Usually, of course, in the PE class. You could choose from two major sports other than track (often soccer and voleyball... I always wanted handball but go figure...) and either folk dancing, aerobics or any other form of child abuse of the sort.

Why did I hate folk dancing and why must it be stopped? Give me a good reason why not. You won't outlive being paired with a guy a palm shorter than you, and prancing about while some old-ass song plays. You won't outlive the clapping, the tip-toeing, the twirls and all the Muppet-like steps and gestures associated with folk dancing of any kind. And if this wasn't enough to make you uncomfortable and feeling like an idiot, keep in mind a lot of people from other classes will be attracted by the songs playing in the back of the showers. And if this still isn't enough, remember you'll need to dance with a colleague who's as uncomfortable as you and just wants to get the fuck outta there. And if this isn't enough, you're gonna be graded for your performance. Still don't hate it? In our class, the teacher filmed us so he could evaluate us later on. The man has us prancing like jackasses on tape.

Oh, you have other sort of dancing? Guess what, so did we. We had cha-cha one year. Anyone who ever tried to do the cha-cha knows it's a fiendish form of movement that should have been banned about half an hour after it was invented. If you don't think so, take a closer look. Sure, it looks good when pro dancers do it. Now take a gander at 30 amateurs trying to pull this for a grade.

Tell me: have you ever, even once in your lifetime, applied knowledge of ballroom dancing or folk dancing? Not unless you're a professional dancer or ear-deep in local bullshit huh? My good people, nobody, anywhere, ever, still dances like this. Saturday Night Fever, this ain't. Unless you're going out to a club where people actually do this on purpose, like with the salsa bars, nobody ever does this shit. Not on weddings, not on clubs, not on friends' parties, not anywhere! Why is it so dire that we should learn it, that it is part of the standard curriculum?! By all means learn ballroom dancing and go prance somewhere far away from me but in the name of all that is holy, stop forcing us all to do it as well!

What's the usefulness in learning folk dances, I wonder. More than half of what you learn in school, you're never going to apply anyway, but this is ridiculous. You know what would be cool learning? How tax works, which I'm starting to think they don't teach because they don't know. Or how to fix wiring going batshit at your place. Or basic plumbing. Or how to effin' cook, or use a goddamn ironing board, or fill in a job application, or how to change a tire or how to do basic economics, because these are all things that sooner or later, you're gonna need to know!

Here's a good one. Why don't they teach us effin' Sex Ed since our parents won't? There's something you're surely gonna apply. Why don't they teach us how to use a condom, or the pros and cons of the pill, or the new contraceptives in the market that actually work? That'd be useful shit to learn. But no. Folk dances.

Weekly Log - 6 through 12

Monday Oct 06

Well, to kick off the week, tried to call the job company again, again with no luck. Had to stop trying before I ran out of cash on the cell again. The cable people who were supposed to call us concerning the router seemingly haven't activated the phone yet either. I'm probably gonna sit down and watch some daytime TV, so I'll be irritated enough when I call them.

Managed to get The Sims 2 to work, but the exuberance was short-lived. It crashes like the mighty James Dean. Needless to say, I've tried every strategy known to man and beast to get it running, to no avail. I'll have to try with a different copy. Preferably a non-bootleg copy. Won't be this week yet I get to play God. Or rather, play Murphy.

Tuesday Oct 07

Called the cable people. Told them a few things. Incredible how fast shit gets done once you mention Consumer's Defense... especially after you say you have in your possession several worksheets from their technicians which weren't properly signed and filled. Someone is gonna get it, and I don't care.

They're coming to deliver the router on Friday, and I'll try to encrypt the ugly thing myself. I foresee much frustration on the horizon.

Wednesday Oct 08

What a shitty day. Slept late, woke up groggy and in a bad mood, Pops called to tell me we're having dinner on Monday (funny how I have no vote in this, yes?), did some minor shopping, mailed some resumes and answered some ads. Tossed something together for dinner and ate. Played card games and started a doodle of a playing card for my next tattoo. I'm still deciding between Queen of swords or four of clubs. I have a design for a D20 on fire saved up, but it's made in color and oughta cost me more than I can pay now.

Anyway, after I was sick to my stomach of card games, tossed some flash games around which were too bad for words, watched a really, REALLY shitty movie (it was Horror Hotline: Big Head Monster, and despite what it may sound like, it's not porn...) which failed to make me scared, and then failed to get me interested, and later on also failed to make me laugh. It's on 2 parts on crunchyroll and watch at your own responsibility, it's nearly as bad as Bollywood. The only reason why it's not AS bad as Bollywood is the fact nobody broke into song and dance midway through it. When I was done with it, I watched an old episode of All in the Family to lighten up the mood the previous movie had put me on, took a shower, made myself a sandwich, tried my copy of Silent Hill 0rigins (which is full of hiccups and won't show cinematics... crow.) and went to bed.

I am bored to tears.

Thursday Oct 09

Another shitty day. Watched a movie about a nun which I now wish I hadn't seen, and Death Bell, which apparently comes in the same line as Otoshimono, so I'm figuring I'll review both in one go. As previously stated by another reviewer, the genre seems to have been milked dry. Well, after Whispering Corridors I should be on the lookout for movies set on Korean high schools...

Downloaded DoMO. Will try in a while.

Friday Oct 10

You know Murphy's really on your tail when shit's working one day, and not on the following. Frankly, it's happening way too often for my taste. Last week it was Messenger. This week, it's DoMO. The damn thing was working fine yesterday. Why is it not working today?

On a second remark, the cable people didn't show up. So Monday, it's back to the phone for me.

I went out for a drink, as it's my birthday. Getting ready to face my old man on Monday, I might as well go out and have some fun. While not everything turned out as expected, I had a great evening. I even got to drink a beer and play table soccer with a guy as drunk as a fish who found it in his heart somehow to pay us one. Walked my way home. Good times.

Saturday Oct 11

Little hungover. Played some games. Didn't do jack all day. In fact, I spent my whole Saturday with my pajamas on.

Sunday Oct 12

Had lunch with my Mum. Damn I don't think I ever ate so much in my life. I was nearly sure they're gonna have to roll me back to the house. We also hit the mall (I hate the mall, but she had some business to take care of there) so I brought home a legit copy of The Sims 2 plus one expansion and one stuff pack, all jammed in the same DVD and conveniently on sale. So I'm pretty much going nuts. Blam it to Hell, right? I don't have an awesome house IRL, why shouldn't I have one in-game?

'Booth'

I love movies set in a secluded space, because there's less room for bullshit. It's a limited number of people, a room or two, and let's do this. Everything else that requires explanation can be done via flashback for a couple of minutes. No bullshit, no extra characters popping out of nowhere, no room for a lot of CGI. It's dialog and the ability to keep the plot interesting that make these movies worthwhile. Let me give you a good example: the first Saw (2004) was one such movie. One bathroom, two guys, go figure it out. And it was beautiful. The following violated this one law that made the first one great: more space, more people, more crap. Another example, you say? Look no further than Phone Booth (2002). One street, one phone booth, a shitload of witnesses and a shooter. One of the best movies I've ever seen, by far.

And speaking of booths, today I bring you another example of a good movie set on a secluded space, straight from Japan. It's called Booth, it came out in 2005 and it is great. It's the story of a radio booth in Studio 6, where somewhere during the fifties, a radio show host hung himself after a strange call. The host of a late-night romance radio show, Shingo, is forced to work in Studio 6 tonight, and after a particular call is interrupted by the voice of a woman calling him a liar, things start getting stranger and stranger. As usual, I am going to leave a warning as to the incoming tapdancin' spoilers, so if you're still going to watch it, don't read. In fact, I would recommend nobody reads this review until they watch the movie. This is of the sort that spoils if you know what's coming.

It's hard to come up with something new as J-horror is concerned, or any sort of asian horror for that matter. It's always the creepy woman who moves funny and climbs around the walls, comes out of TVs, interferes with the radio, spirits people away and whatnot. Well, the first time I watched Ju-On, I nearly climbed the walls myself. It was awesome. But when every single asian horror film coming out emulates or reproduces this, it gets old. I still get a little cold in my spine when I watch Ju-On, and as a movie, it was a remarkable success. But the copies are just... bad. Booth, however, will only give you that crap on the final ten minutes. And even so, it's not exactly the same... but I'll get there.

Booth kicks off with Shingo (Ryuta Sato), an arrogant and self-important DJ who is having a crappy day. He's forced to work on a different studio, an old studio with a lot of problems for that matter, his team's failing to cope with the day's work (they forget to give him the songlist... or do they?), they mess up controls and put him on air saying things he shouldn't be saying (again... was it just an accident?) and seem to be making fun of him in general tonight. All his calls are weird (although strangely familiar) and to boot, a woman seems to be popping up on the speakers calling him a liar. One of the things that's stronger in Booth is a great dialog, but even superior to that, is how the actor performs it. He doesn't need to say a thing for you to guess what's on his mind, and in a movie where he can't comment what's happening to him with others, a lesser actor would have ruined it. At a point, Shingo starts believing his team is setting him up for a load of pranks, as payback for treating them like dirt, something you start figuring out as the movie goes. It's very unclear, up to the very end of the movie, wether or not they're actually trying to ruin his performance.

See, at first you wouldn't figure it, but as the movie goes, you start finding out dirt on Shingo that's actually very serious. He's having an affair with the woman who reads the news, who is, in fact, engaged to another guy. While trying to shake off the relationship, Shingo ends up pushing her out of his car... and, to the best of his knowledge, she dies. Countless times he's been rude to coworkers and unkind to women he was with. Even as a kid he was a little prick. And somehow, every call he's getting on this particular night is a reminder of something he's done. This is why, at some point, he starts believing the team's setting him up.

See, other than the voice calling Shingo a liar on the radio and the appearance of a woman in the studio at the very end of the flick, we are kept in the dark as to if the calls were set up, complete coincidence, paranormal activity or product of Shingo's own association. Whenever you have proof one way, you end up getting contradicting evidence later on. The plot is solid enough to make us, as well as Shingo, believe we're dealing with ghosts.

Effects are pretty basic, the movie didn't ask for much. I like the noir looks to the first couple of scenes and the audio used on this. At the end, when the woman shows up on the studio, what we get is something that looks right out of an old samurai flick in black and white. Quite the nice break from the weird lady with the kinky moves.

If you're looking for scary, though, you're looking in the wrong place. Booth isn't scary. It may startle (it did to me, once or twice) but it's not scary. However, it's interesting and can get your attention. It's a movie with a rhythm that builds you up to expecting something, gives you something completely different, and then picks up where it left off. A real must-see.

23 and countin'

I hit the twenty-three mark yesterday. Twenty-three years on the surface of this land (and occasionally the subway), crow I'm old. Two years away from the "auntie" age... another little step towards the middle age. Twenty-three.

I went to the bar yesterday, drank quite a bit. A shitload of shooters, a number of beers I cannot quite remember and some snacks. Not as many smokes as I was expecting. Then I came home, cooked something quick at three in the morn and watched The Breakfast Club (1985) which in fact came out on the very year I was born in. I love The Breakfast Club ever since I saw it, a whole lot of years in the past. And a good deal of cool actors too, a pity most of them didn't do a lot of good stuff afterwards. Let's see, can't think of anything I saw Ally Sheedy star that caught my interest... Molly Ringwald down the same path, both of them starred in Stephen King movies, which... despite my love for his books, are usually really bad. Judd Nelson goes down the same road, according to IMDb, he was in a few movies I saw, but frankly, hardly noticed him. Anthony Michael Hall is another poor victim of Stephen King adaptations. And Emilio Estevez, possibly the best known of the lot... don't think I saw something with him I liked since this.

For shits and giggles I also watched The Number 23 this morning... should you do so as well, be aware that it sucks like nobody's business. Weak plot, weak ending twist, and frankly, someone should tell Jim Carey to stick to comedy.

So while I prepare myself for the week of torture and despair that usually follows my birthday (namely, going out with the Pops, receiving some four or five phone calls from family members who always confuse numbers 10 and 14, 15 or 18 as birthdays go, and talking to those people I only contact with once a year on this particular occasion), I leave you with the suggestion to watch The Breakfast Club in case you never did (and why didn't you?), and here's to hoping for the next year equivalent of yesterday.

YouTube Wednesday with jumpstyle

Here's a little trailer to brighten up your day. This is jumpstyle, a form of dance/sport I found out while browsing a while back. I was actually looking for songs, as lately I've turned to techno a little more (strangely, because a year or so ago, I couldn't stand it). So here's three of the best I've seen around the 'Tube.

Weekly Log - 29 through 5

Monday Sep 29

The new internet provider is giving me trouble from day one. I have a connection, my brother doesn't, on grounds they were out of routers. What kind of a salesperson, pray tell, does not reserve equipment for their customers? I had to, when I was in sales! And if I didn't, I got spoken to quite briefly! There were three people, three effin people, in this room assuring us things would be done and done by Monday. Well it's Monday, in all its mindfuckin' glory. Done, it ain't!

I wonder, do you always have to bitch and yell to get anything done in this land forsaken by crow? There should be more office shootings... I'll give superiority to America there, they can get rid of their people easy peasy. Well, postal workers don't go berserk here, they hardly work in fact. Ever tried to get something done in the post office? Last time I went by one, there was a line reaching the other side of the building.

Went to a job interview. Turned up dud.

Tuesday Sep 30

Unlimited downloads rock my socks. Even when I'm not wearing them. I'm seeding stuff like never before... and I'm getting stuff like never before too, mind ya.

Called the temp job company to ask them to find me something to do. The first few times, I couldn't get to them. As I was starting to think someone maybe did some shootings at their office (crow, wouldn't that be fucked up? 24 hours after I think we don't have enough shootings...), the lady finally picks up. I give them my ID, but before I can explain my business, she asks, can I wait a moment? She'll call me back. I wait. She doesn't call me back. Try to call once again. No money on the cellphone. So, I went downtown, bought me some shoes for the wedding rushing my way (they're pretty, but hurt my feet like crow) and went home again. Unemployment sucks.

Wednesday Oct 01

Checked the paper for jobs, rampaged the Internet for jobs. Sent a few e-mails. Asked a few people. Tried all afternoon. Seems I'm staying home. Couldn't call the company again: no money on my cellphone, no telephone yet.

Meanwhile, tried to install The Sims 2, my long lost passion... and failed. Some files are corrupt and I can't get it done. Great. So I have to put up with Windows XP and...

You know, sometimes you make sacrifices, and when you do, you deserve to be rewarded for it. Not that you are, always, but you deserve to. You give in to something, and supposedly you get something in return for your trouble. You give your boss eight or more hours of your time... and you're given some money in return. Far too little, but hey, how much is worth an hour of the average bloke's time anyway...? Another example: you trade your time for money, and later you trade the money for goods... or for someone else's time. So, for having to give away my Linux, I expected The Sims 2... yet once again, Murphy rears its ugly head.

Thursday Oct 02

Days fly by when you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Man, unemployment really blows. And what's with demanding resumes with photo? Am I applying for a modeling job or something? How pretty do you need to be, to work at a tobacco store? I smoke, ain't that good on my account too? (Well maybe not... being the kind of salesperson who enjoys the merchandise a little too much can harm your qualifications...) I'd understand if this was a TV casting or a nudie bar but c'mon... a tobacco store?

So lately, I'm up to watching the recently dead George Carlin do his shit. The man was a fucken' genius. He died of heart failure June 22 this year, unfortunately, because I've seen his last show and it was grand. At 71 years of age. Whoever said the good ones die young didn't know shit of what he was talking about. He was a great old fart; I've seen all his specials and recently found a user on Youtube who seems to love the man's act as much as I do. So if you, like me, don't have jack to do for a while, it's definitely worth a check.

Friday Oct 03

Okay. I'm pissed. Live Messenger died. Why? Because it's a piece of crap, that's why.

For some reason I woke up this morning and my working-until-yesterday Messenger had turned into a big pile of fresh, steamy, fly-ridden shit. I'm hoping it'll fix itself, because I've tried everything I know and researched to fix it, and nothing happened. See, this is another issue likely to get me to talk about "the good old days". I'm not that old, I know, but at the speed things move nowadays, 's very likely you'll hear me going about it. Remember the good old days? When Windows hadn't bought MSN yet? MSN Messenger had its issues, but overall, it was the best chat program I ever worked with... and unfortunately, I've worked with plenty.

And if we're talking Windows, man, do I have complaints for you. What a piece of crap... if half the good stuff made for Windows only was on binaries (Ubuntu) as well, nobody would ever pick up Gates' bastard, demonic child. Me? Get me The Sims 2 working on Ubuntu (and yes, I tried both Cedega and Wine) and I'm happy. It was about the single thing I was sad about on leaving Windows the first time around. Speaking of which, you know what I read the other day? That Internet Explorer was the single, most bought browser in 2007. Of course it was. The ugly son of a bitch hitchhikes on every single Windows installment. It's surely the most BOUGHT one... but anyone with half a mind has deleted that thing for any other browser eons ago...

Screw it. Installed aMSN. Working like a charm. All hail Unix.

Saturday Oct 04

Relatives' wedding day. Man this already has left a bad taste in my mouth just thinking about it... but fine. Let's go to this wedding and get it over with.

As soon as the bride strolled into the chapel, I conveniently strolled outside. Like heck I'm gonna stay in for two hours listening to the priest. Everyone chickened out of it: a lot of the guests said it was a drag, and it sucked, and they were heading out as well, but in the end, I was the only one who actually stepped out. Bunch of pussies... overall, it's a matter of respect. It's not my religion, why should I step into its temple and practice it if I'm not Catholic? You wouldn't be wandering inside, let's say, a mosque and bowing in the direction of Mecca unless you worship Allah now are you? If I'm asked by someone I actually give a shit about, sure, I'll enter the church, I'll even do the "sit-down-stand-up" routine. But I won't sing. The Lord knows my voice fairly well, I believe, and I don't think He would want me using it in His house.

Then, the party. I didn't know a soul, so I ended up talking with some friend of the groom who had a remarkable good taste in cinema and a keen interest in movies based off games (which, I spent a good deal of the time telling him, were very alright unless he knew the games). I drank quite a bit. Between my father telling me the grades of everyone who frequented or graduated college in there (mostly from the Maths and Science area), my brother standing about uncomfortable and people around making chit-chat just so I couldn't tell they didn't talk to me, booze was a faithful companion throughout the whole thing. Pretty good white wine they had there, I'll give 'em that.

Why was I invited to this in the first place? Well I kinda know: courtesy. It'd look bad on their behalf to invite my pops and not his kids. Still, it was very clear to me, I had no place there whatsoever: I don't know anyone, I never knew anyone, if I ever did I was too young to remember. I hadn't spoke to my cousin, the groom in nearly 15 years. To his sister, probably even less, and we went to the same school. But hey, even with all the shit, it was a free meal. Yowza.

At any rate, I was glad to get out of there. Feet were killing me.

Sunday Oct 05

Something I ate at the wedding didn't agree with me so much, so I spent the whole day feeling like I was gonna throw up, but never quite getting to it. The perfect crow-damned punchline to that stupid event.

'REC'

Whenever I can, I try to follow Fantasporto. I never actually go there because it's held three days behind the sunset from here, but I try to follow it nonetheless. See, it's a highly acclaimed movie festival that doesn't suck yet. And unlike Cinema X, it actually gets very good contributions.

In the past, Fantasporto was responsible for bringing us movies such as Scanners (1983), Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1991), Cube (1999) and Janghwa, Hongryeon (2004). And the 2008 festival was no exception in delivering a good film: REC, by Jaume Balangueró, a spanish movie which drop-kicked both The Blairwitch Project and George A. Romero in the same go.

As zombie movies go, we've pretty much seen it all. They've been around for a good while. We've also come a long way from Night of the Living Dead (1968), which pretty much defined the zombie apocalypse genre. In fact, Romero himself seems to have thought having a bunch of reanimated recently-dead corpses walking about like sleepwalkers was no good. The modern zombie runs and doesn't just mindlessly grab its victims: it goes right for the neck. Some of them can use weaponry as well, or improvise weaponry. We've also seen that Romero-style zombies seem to be able to think now, plan ahead and work as a team. They seem able to communicate too, in fact, if you go by Land of the Dead (2005). So, if even zombies are turning into semi-conscious beings, is it worth to even make more zombie movies? Romero pretty much covered it all, and Resident Evil, as shitty as it was, took the scraps, right?

Wrong. And REC is here to demonstrate why.

Shot as if by an on-scene reporter camera (which at times, unfortunately, reminds us of painful moments such as The Blairwitch Project), REC tells the story of a pair of reporters covering a story about the life of the common fireman. When the firemen are called to an emergency on an old building, the reporters go along, hoping for a great scoop. Unfortunately, very soon, they find out they aren't the only ones aware something is wrong, the building was sealed, and now it's them... and the recently departed. Now, I'm going to be tossing about a lot of spoilers, which you may not want to read, so if you're still going to watch it, you may want to stop now.

Most people agree that The Blairwitch Project sucked. It was headache-inducing, had no specific content or a plotline, most of the times you didn't know what was going on and the fact they tried to publicize the movie by making believe it was actually a tape of three stranded teenagers was... laughable at best. This is how they tried to publicize Cannibal Holocaust in 1980. Only in 1980, the director got arrested for playing with serious stuff, and in 1999, people rolled their eyes and groaned. However, The Blairwitch Project nearly nailed something that had never been done before as filming went: a first-person recording, an amateur-camera style of movie. This was pretty new. And REC made use of the same technique: low budget, not a lot of flashy stuff needed. In fact, on the course of the whole movie, I counted one CGI and a whole deal of makeup. That's it. And it feels real.

Another thing that contributed to the "reality" feel was the fact there are next to no cuts. It was all done in one take, possibly with a lot of improvised dialog, and a credible panicked state. You have a group of people under house arrest (because authorities are quick to put the whole building under quarantine) and they're about to lose their minds. The actors are next to unknown, and were quite acclaimed at the festival, in fact. The lead actress, Manuela Velasco, won Best New Actress in Goya Awards, and it was pretty well-deserved.

So, is this worth seeing? Yes. Definately yes. It's quite well-done, from what I've seen of Spanish TV shows, it's an accurate portrait, and it's an interesting movie. It might even chill you once or twice (didn't do much for me, but I've been watching stuff like this since I was a kid). What probably isn't worth seeing, is the American remake for it. Yeah. Hollywood's working on a remake of this already. It's called Quarantine.

Allow me to show exactly how much of a remake it is. I'm gonna link you to two trailers. This is the trailer for Rec.



Cool huh? Now this is the trailer for Quarantine.



... see what I mean? Which do you feel like watching more? It's pretty much the same thing, isn't it? And REC has this sort of.... I don't know. If nobody told you, and you were watching this without sound, you'd know it's not set in America. It has a sort of... trait to it that makes it all the more real-like. If you want to watch a movie with a complete idea it's a movie, I'd recommend Quarantine, but if you want to watch something and not know it's a movie (which the amateur recording style aims for, actually), REC could fool you better for the first half hour of the movie.

It's something a lot of people criticized, in fact, that REC is slow. It takes time building up a sense of danger, it takes time to get to the action, and once it does, it lasts briefly before going back to slow-mo. I kinda like it, it's not long enough to bore you and sets up the mood for the shit hitting the fan afterwards.

So what makes this work where The Blairwitch Project failed? Well, to begin with, you are aware of what the heck's happening. In The Blairwitch Project had this was a major problem: nobody was ever sure what was going on. You'd be watching it and wondering, "What the heck did they see?", "What was that?", "What're they doing?" The scenario isn't half as confusing and the characters have a lot more personality... and a lot more variety of them, not three copies of the cliché teenager. It has everything to triumph over The Blairwitch Project, or Cloverfield, which pretty much had the same problems, plus the assumption a common domestic cam has a lot of resistance to damage. Go ahead and watch it, it's worth it.

The Good, the Bad and the Bored

Alright, this is the first installment of The Good, the Bad and the Bored. I'm not going to introduce myself, because I'm sort of secondary here. Those of you who knew Bored, Inc already know what this is about: some movies, some games, some weird crap happening to me I need to let steam off about. I just feel I've come a long way as blogging goes, since Bored, Inc, and it was about time I started doing something slightly better.

Unlike a movie, however, the credits for the making of this blog will come at the very beginning. The title was thought of by myself along with several other bad puns made by inserting the word "bored" into the titles of movies or games. The pick on all those nasty, moan-inducing puns is of the responsability of Jandeku at Got Despair? The design is painfully blogger-built, however any changes to it are my own responsability, aided by a lot of online documents on HTML editing. This blog is rated R for coarse language and quite unbalanced opinions, and it aims at a terminally cynical form of comedy which is most often, not funny at all. The author of these posts is a certified bored person, and a certified boring person. After all, why should I be the only one bored here, right?

You can expect that this blog is often abandoned and sometimes, not updated for a while. You can expect cursing and inventive usage of common words such as "crow". What you will not see here, however, are quizzes, because frankly and gladly, I've outgrown that shit. You can still expect YouTube videos being displayed and a lot of poor grammar being used on purpose. As reviews go I will attempt to dedicate myself a little bit more to the styles I watch often, and not movies in general. I will still bitch and moan quite a bit, so if you didn't like that in Bored, Inc either, prepare to jump over a couple posts. Another installment of the new blog will be the Weekly Log, in which I will let you know how my week went... most often, not very well. This will hopefully keep me from making a shitload of posts concerning the same issue over and over.

So welcome one and all, and I hope you like this one better than my previous work.